You know the deal, gang. Let's see some wonderful critique and comments.
Slave
I'm told I'm worthless
Somewhat I'm left breathless
Used to think I was pure
Now I'm just unsure
Is it what I believe?
Why a beating I recieve?
Here I sit in tears
My cries he hears
On a bed in chains
Sheets covered with stains
Abuse my body get
My face always wet
I tried to stay in the light
But now its leaving my sight
Oh, I love this poem. I just wish the verses were longer! You have the main words, now let's get some vivd words!
''Eternal love''
I was wrong leas i could be
to let u go way from me
ill regret that forever
But now i see a shine of light
i just want to do thing right
We could be better than before
now i can love u even more
this time im sure
Never let u go
never going to give up my soul
hold ur body close to mine
and have eternal love forever.
I had to reread the poem. I really would love it if there some were spelling errors corrected, punctuation, and capitalization used. >.< And only a few of the verses rhymed. Even thugh that's acceptable, I'd prefer if for the second practice? You actually try to rhyme the complete poem.
Freedom The world where I reside,
I fly along it as a ride.
Cycling endlessly to a new destination,
We follow each other in total fascination.
Creating new things to do together,
Rejoicing of our time entwined forever.
And yet I am alone in my mind,
To truly understand what lies behind.
A tear of joy passes beyond her figure,
My soul cries out as I cannot linger.
Deep within lies my true beliefs,
Under a tree of many leafs.
Riding once again the endless flow,
I free myself of all that is hallow.
Hmm. I want more description about this world you reside in. And you can conbine two verses to make a quatrain. So, it would be a quatrain end verse poem. So, more description. ^-^
There’s an irritation in my senses
Breaking down my defenses
My breath has come short
Blowing out discomforting coughs support
Scarlet vertical gaze
Thin damp rag on my face
I’m cheering on my sneeze
Removing pressure at ease
Shallow inhalation
Laying down my arms in submission
I sleep to regenerate vigor
Like an honorable defeated soldier
I liked this piece. ^-^ Though it seems as if you concentrated on the rhyming more than the visual imagery. Dont worry Nympho, most of my poems are free verse as well.
Kitties Meowing
Doggies Barking
Chickens Boking
Cowsees Mooing
Wolvies Howling
Pumas Growling
Every Thing Speaking
Every One Talking
Every Body has something to Say
E Specially Today
but from Where the Voice is Comin'
Don't Mean Nothin'
All Together Created
All Together Related
Lol. Well, that was a cute poem to read.
Spring
The sun is brightly shining,
As the snow starts melting.
The cold wind begins blowing,
As the ice upon the trees are falling.
The flower buds are blooming,
The butterflies start nectar-gathering.
The birds are happily chirping,
Also, the bees are busily buzzing.
The children are joyfully playing,
By the stream that starts flowing.
My, my... Beautiful, Raja. I love the imagery and the flow was wonderful. Awesome job.
Jekyll & Hyde
A monster lurks inside me
Where is it from an evil deed?
The Jeykll outside
but Hyde wants a stride
He's finally free,
to do as he please.
His sins will send us to Hell
The blood on my hands, with a great smell
DAMN YOU HYDE! SET ME FREE!
Can't you see? You are ME!
Deep inside...
YOU ARE HYDE!
No.... NEVER!
YES! FOREVER!
Hmmm. The idea is awesome. But, it needs more work. It seemed as if you just through some words together in hopes of them making sense.