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Thread: Blazing Fire Chapter.1

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    Abomination Smacky Champion, Celebrity Power Lifte Champion, Crash Test Dummy High Jump Champion, Super Track 2001 Champion, Endless Flight Champion, Drop Kick Champion, Bloody Rage Champion, Dropkick The Faint Champion, Splash Back Champion Spin Da Ish is off to a good start Spin Da Ish's Avatar
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    Blazing Fire Chapter.1

    There once was a grand land which was given to four sacred beasts. These beasts all had their own differences and special abilities. Human clans where made form these four sacred beasts and a name was chosen by the leader.

    The bird beast with the human limb was given the name Fujin-Tenshi which meant Angel of the Wind God. Fujin-Tenshi was a very fast beast so the clans were all given special powers, by the beast, of swiftness and the power to create hurricanes and tornados. This made the clan extremely hard to kill and was very strong at that. The clan was hard to kill but the shark beast was an air-floating shark which can catch the Fujin-Tenshi. It also controls its weakest ability, fire. The name chosen by the clan leader was Wanizame-Naraku which means Hell Shark. Wanizame was a fire controlling beast and so it used fire as its greatest weapon. The other ability that the beast gave graceful to the clan was the power to float in air. This is used so they can shoot fire while no one is able to reach them. They may be able to fire but it would have no affect. The armored dragon beast was given the name Kemono-Toku which means Shielded Beast. The Kemono-Toku clan was more focused on their defenses so most of the weapons they used were shields and protective armor. The armor was special and all clan members are able to construct these armors in less than 2 seconds. This gave them the major advantage because they can hardly get hurt. The other beasts were great but this beast surpassed them all, the wolf beast with six tails, Feii. The six tails represented how power level which the beast is at. The clan members grew scars on their arm representing the tails showing how strong they are. Their life expectancy is high but no one was able to reach higher than two tails. Their abilities were to have immense strength and be able to steal other abilities from other clans and people. This gave them the lower edge because they are not training their beast but other abilities instead.

    Within the Feii clan, the newborns were named cubs. The cubs are all checked when they reach the age five so they can be placed in different levels at school. Age was never a problem so it didn't matter if you were older or younger than the regular cub. The person who checked these cubs was the leader himself, Hyoga Amarai. Hyoga was the strongest man in the village and he always wore the same crimson cape and a black chain mail. He was always noticed because he was the only one who wore a cape. The person who wears this crimson cape is known as the guardian of the clan. No one else thought the capes looked good but to have it was an honor. Hyoga had a son who just turned five years old and was placed in the level 2 class. Levels were given to the cubs, the levels varied from one to five. No five year old would normally reach level two without training before hand. This special boy’s name was Ryaii Amarai. He was the heir of the guardian’s throne. He would become the leader the second he turns sixteen. Ryaii was entrusted with a great future.

    Another cub is born on the day Ryaii was appointed level two. The cub was son of a low branch clan member named Ryoku Hiru. Ryoku had a great reputation of having served the leader. He was always a good man to all the members of the Feii clan. This man was given the nickname Crimson Blood. He was named so because he has killed the most people in battle, was fairly strong, and had this bright crimson hair. His cub was born with this hair as well. He and his wife agreed to call him Makuda Hiru. Ryoku didn't want his son to be a Feii member because the Feii’s were brought up with war and a life of battle and blood, so he tried everything to take his son’s Feii powers away from him. He used everything from remedies to magic spells. Nothing worked on the child because the cub raised an aura that blocked out magic. Ryoku hated himself for giving his son such tremendous power, so he snapped and went completely insane. Once Ryoku had the chance, he completely massacred most of the low branch families and kidnapped his now two year old son, Makuda, and the leader’s son, Ryaii. He took them to the sacred temple of age and activated the age stone with his blood. The stone allowed Unending life by age but you can be killed. The stone was only to be used on kings and guardians to ensure no day shall be left without a guardian. He used it on both of the boys. He knew that if he did so, they would get exiled and they would know nothing about the Clans. He used Ryaii because Makuda's body cannot contain all the stone's powers himself and he knew Ryaii was a powerful boy. So he spilt it with Ryaii. Once the stone was drained Ryoku killed himself with a Wind Blade aquired from a warrior that he killed in the Fujin-Tenshi clan.

    As soon as Ryoku killed himself, a Hell dog came by the two boys. The Boys were unconscious so the Hell dog took them to the clan’s towns square. There the Hell dog talked in a low and loud voice screaming, “These children of Feii must be killed or exiled because they have been given eternal life by age! No children are worthy of such greatness! The Feii himself shall not enjoy this! They must be…”

    “Please don’t kill my son! He’s the heir of my throne! He should have the stone anyways!” Hyoga interrupted rudely and loudly.

    “No matter, the boy is under aged and because he is only a little child I don’t think I should kill him. Instead I’ll exile him for life!” The Hell dog spat.
    At that split second the wolf clenched his hands together and punched the floor. Immediately a light shined and the boys were nowhere to be seen.

    The boys were sent to a world of pitch black. There were nothing but deteriorating bones and fog. Ryaii was the eldest of the two exiled boys and was already trained in the basics. No body but the leader knew that Ryaii was able to jump dimensions. That brought happiness and relief to Hyoga.

    The exiled dimension is a place or horror and pain. Just being in the place would cause you grief and pain, so unbearable that the person would kill them. That was the reason no one liked the idea of this dimension.

    Ryaii prepared his miniature claws and they burst out with light. He then slashed and opened a gateway to another world. He was not able to control it very well so Ryaii had no idea where he was headed. Ryaii jumped in the gateway and was immediately sent to another world.
    It was raining and he was wet from his rough landing. No person was a round; in fact no living creature was around. All there were was these huge buildings more than 100 times his size. The air was harder to breathe in than the air he was used to. All of a sudden a giant bell rang and he saw people swarming out of the huge buildings and going into these strange contraptions. The contraptions moved and leaked out black fumes. Ryaii thought the contraption was run by fire. The contraptions seemed to be able to move the people.

    A large man in a grey blazer and a crimson tie walked towards Ryaii. Ryaii was unsure of what to do; did he talk to the person or run away? The man spoke, "Well look here! A kid all by himself. You shouldn’t be out here all alone, now boy, where do you reckon your parents are?"

    Ryaii didn’t speak. He was too scared of the man. Ryaii knew that the man would be stronger than him because of his size but the man was an ordinary man so of course Ryaii was stronger. Yet Ryaii’s childish intelligence made his fear a reality.

    "Not much of a speaker, are you? Well then I do assume your lost right?" the man babbled on, "I guess it’s safe to say that you’re a newcomer! I have never seen you around here before. So who may I ask, am I talking to?"

    "Um, it’s Ryaii Amarai Kagaku-dono," Ryaii squeaked.

    "Well now is that so? Nice to meet you Ryaii-kun, do you have parents around?" He asked again.
    "Umm, not in this dimension, they're back at home but I cannot go back there because I am exiled from my family" Ryaii said feeling a bit safer.

    Kagaku paused to think and then said this, “A different dimension eh? My, my, aren’t you the joker! Come with me I shall escort you to the Police department...”

    Ryaii followed Kagaku and held his arm tight because so far Kagaku was the only person in which he can trust. Ryaii arrived in a fairly large building, which was blue and read Junsa (police). This was a new word to Ryaii so he had no idea what was going to happen. He entered the room and the people there were all in the same clothing of blue. Kagaku told the police that Ryaii was a lost child. One police officer took a needle and poked it into Ryaii's skin. It was a lot harder to get rid of because of the fact that he was a lot more different then the others. The needle bent but went in. They took an analyses and found his blood sample to be unusual and matching no one around this country.

    The police concluded, "I am very sorry young man but we have no one who’s related to you here. The tests were inconclusive."
    * * *
    Makuda swam in the dimension of the exiled. Makuda was actually enjoying this. The pitch black place with no gravity was a giant playground for Makuda. He saw a glowing light not so far ahead; it shined and never seemed to stop. Makuda was still an infant so he was attracted to anything that shines. He swam and swam straight towards it and he was sucked in by the force. Makuda landed on the same place as Ryaii has, so he became wet as well. Makuda kept on walking towards small buildings which looked liked homes. He found one which was fairly small yet not too small. He was able to jump and press the button. Makuda's super hearing let him hear the sound of the doorbell inside. Makuda giggled at its amusing sound. An old woman opened the door and gasped. She has never seen a stray child on her porch. She was surprised yes so happy to see that she was able to be a mother again.
    Last edited by Spin Da Ish; Nov 27, 2007 at 03:55 PM.

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    Re: Blazing Fire Chapter.1

    o.O whoa super long....it would help to put spaces cause this is making my head hurt....i couldn't get past the first sentence....well it sound interesting!!!!^.^

    'This world is trash. Cursed by the Fon Master...'

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    Re: Blazing Fire Chapter.1

    i took your spacing into consideration, and yes i did have to edit out a few peices beacuase i maxed the character limit 0.0 but oh well this is still the prolouge. still working on the ACTUAL chapter one :P easier to read now?

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    Re: Blazing Fire Chapter.1

    Well I didn't see it before, but that really was quite a prologue. There were a few passages that flat out confused me like this one:

    Ryaii didn’t speak. He was too scared of the man. Ryaii knew that the man would be stronger than him because of his size but the man was an ordinary man so of course Ryaii was stronger. Yet Ryaii’s childish intelligence made his fear a reality.
    I did catch on after reading it a few times, but re-reading things gets a bit tedious.

    Overall I like the world you've built for this - just be wary of putting too much info into one section - especially with something as complex as all this - can get a little boring to deal with. You may also want to consider adding a few more paragraph breaks in this area. Large blocks of text no matter how interesting they are...are well large - tend to put people off on the internet...

    I'll be looking forward to chapter one when you finish it. Those immortal children sound like they are in for an interesting adventure.


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    Re: Blazing Fire Chapter.1

    ^.^ much better!! my head doesn't hurt when i read it!!!! hope to see the next chapter!!!^.^

    'This world is trash. Cursed by the Fon Master...'

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