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Thread: Dream Stream

  1. #1
    ??* Judge and Executioner ??* White Van Man Champion, Home Run Derby Champion, Mahjongg sport Champion, Jewel Champion, The Asteroids Champion koga23 may be famous one day koga23 may be famous one day koga23's Avatar
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    Re: Dream Stream

    Im not so good with poem but from what i see ur pritty good with em i like it defantly the back ground adds a wow touch to it.
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    Slam Dunk Da Funk Soshi Kitai is making a name for themselves Soshi Kitai is making a name for themselves Soshi Kitai's Avatar
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    Re: Dream Stream

    Seeing that compared to me, Abu is the "nicer" person, I'll let her reply first:

    ^_^ i thought this was really cute and sweet! the message is there, with a little flair! aha... ahem... i especially liked how you were able to use the same words repeatedly without sounding repetitive. what i'd suggest to make it better is to tweak the rhythm of the poem, to make it flow more like a stream...

    streams aren't that wide, but they can go over a lot of ground, so maybe the shape of your poem could mimic that. also, explore punctuation! not to say that any of it was wrong, but every little thing in a poem can lend to a certain meaning or mood you're trying to set up. Just some hints to make something good better!


    ((My Turn))

    What? You Jpop? I can't seem to understand you, hahaha! No, just kidding.
    What I seemed to like most within it, is the idea that words have no true clinging to the language... that what it seems to cling onto more, is the meaning of itself.
    The words seem lost as it runs down in a flurr of flings and springs... lost, yet controlled. Like a small stream.

    I like it. Creative, thoughtful, and personal meaning.

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    THUMBSUCKING ADDICTION Mr. K is making a name for themselves Mr. K is making a name for themselves Mr. K's Avatar
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    Re: Dream Stream

    Thank You all for yours comments.

    The poem is now in Contest Entries forum.
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