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Old Nov 26, 2007, 07:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Horror Story, "Don't laugh at me"

Lily Morrenwur was an ordinary, typical teenage girl. She had tons of friends, talked about boys, went out with them, and everything we do these days.
Now Cristina Alvira was her enemy. She hated her guts, she wanted to what you might call physically and mentally hurt her. She hated her since about 1 month ago when "the incident happened" *flashback*

Lily: Christina hurry up! You know we can't be late for our auditions!
Christina: Coming let me just tie this bow! Christina had chosen to wear her blue bow on her hair, for she thought of it as her "good luck charm". Meanwhile Lily, downstairs, was putting on makeup.

Christina:Ok im ready, let's go.
Lily: Finally!

When they arrived at their school, the noticed a cool, red sports car. Lilly quickly said, " OMG! It's my boyfriend's car, he's here to see me audition!
Christina: Good, maybe he can watch me too, you know i think i might like him just a little bit.

Lily, of course, go mad. How could her friend tell her that!Was she against her? Finally she said, "whatever let's just go.
The director, Ms.Smith, announced, "Come' on people! Say these words like you mean it!Then she looked around the room and said pointing at Lily and Christina,"You two,names?!"

Lily: Im Lilly Morrenwur.
Christina: I'm Christina Alvira.
Ms.Smith: Ok,get up there! Ok people places!

Then as Lily and Christina recited the script for the director what Christina didn't notice, was that the cord was exactly at the point where she was supposed to step. Then as she quickly without noticing ran over there.The whole room fell with laughter, even Lily.She quickly ran out of the room crying, ashamed and embarrassed, especially by her own friend. But she had revenge and she was going to make sure that happened.

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Chapter 2 is were most of the scaryness begins!!!!

ill write it tommorrow
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Old Nov 26, 2007, 10:56 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Horror Story, "Don't laugh at me"

wow princess that story sure was scary i read it all and it was interesting and awesome cant wait to read the chapter 2 and don't worry i would never laugh at that story oh and PM me when its done
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Old Nov 26, 2007, 10:59 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Horror Story, "Don't laugh at me"

Got to be a little more clearer in terms of describing certain scenes, and sometimes there is no need to explain everything. Also try to write in more active voice.
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Old Nov 27, 2007, 05:53 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Horror Story, "Don't laugh at me"

good job. i think it good. i can't wait til you write more!! Good luck with the story.
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Old Nov 27, 2007, 03:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Horror Story, "Don't laugh at me"

Thank you all of you^^, and legend thank for the tip.I hope my next one is good^^
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Old Nov 27, 2007, 03:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Horror Story, "Don't laugh at me" 2nd chapter

As continued...

Christina ran home to start a plan.*ring*
Christina:"Hello?"
Lily:"Hey gurl it's me? Wanna come to the dance with me?
Christina:"Are you crazy?!Do you have any idea what you did to me? You totally humiliated me!I HATE YOU"!
*phone dead* Meanwhile Lily was at the dance with boys and wondered what Christina was going to do next.Then, there was a loud thump. The whole gym went quiet, trying to figure out what it was.*thump*

Then all of a sudden, Christina came through the door with a knife!Everybody started screaming.
Then she looked towards Lily, who looked pale with fear on her face "NOOOO!!!!" she screamed as the knife was nearly an inch away from her throat.

*back to normal time*

Christina was going to call Lily.*ring* "Hello?", it was Lily's mother, she sounded sad and like someone was crying in the background.

Christina:ummm...hello Ms.Morrenwur, I was wondering if I could speak to Lily.
Ms. M. : Oh sweetie,I don't really know how to say this but*starts crying* she's...dead.
Christina hangs up and starts crying. Why did she call her? Why was she sad.

It was all a dream Lily was having, even the not being friends thing.
Lily had died of excessive fear, and of drugs she was using a long time ago, so her body could not take it. Christina lived a kinda sad/happy life, but her friend will never be forgoten.
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I don't really know how i did but i hoped you liked this short story.^^
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Old Nov 27, 2007, 07:04 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: Horror Story, "Don't laugh at me"

Multiple chapters of the same story can (should) be posted in the same thread.
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Old Nov 27, 2007, 09:49 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Re: Horror Story, "Don't laugh at me"

Is an interesting beginning, a bit light on description, but I can live with that. Got a little confused for a bit - but I think I get it now.
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Old Nov 28, 2007, 05:55 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Re: Horror Story, "Don't laugh at me"

wow that was short but never the less, it was good, kinda sad and what not but good job!! is this your first story????
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Old Dec 03, 2007, 11:03 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Re: Horror Story, "Don't laugh at me"

wow that other chapter of the story was awesome scary but very good i think u should become a poet
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Old Dec 04, 2007, 01:44 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Re: Horror Story, "Don't laugh at me"

Whoa!! I really love the story.... Your a really cool one Short but meaningful! Hope you could make more! I'm very excited to see your other stories... But what happen when Christina was about to stab the knife in Lily's throat? Thats the only part im being confused... Well just thanks for your the short story and i'll hope you'll make more
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