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Thread: Lolita; A new god

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    Otaku Eria is off to a good start Eria's Avatar
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    Lolita; A new god

    This is the first story I have posted so please give feedback.

    Once upon a time, wait that implies that this is a fairytale and this tale isn’t. Once there was a girl who was a normal college gothic girl trying her best not to fit in and keep people at a safe distance, her name, Lolita. The cosmos had different plans for her, big plans. I guess I should start at the beginning, the very beginning.

    My mom was a wonderful intelligent woman she was a graduate student studying ancient Greece when she meet my dad who was also versed in ancient Greek culture. My mom meet him on a trip to Greece for her thesis, he wooed her with his theories and knowledge of Greece, so much so that my mom couldn’t keep her legs closed. Nine months later I was born. All my mom had left of him was a photo of him and her in front of an old temple of Zeus and his name, Z. I mean seriously who goes by just Z? Well it was great with my mom and I never really questioned her about him as far as I was concerned he was just the donor, we had a nice life until she died when I was 16. I was emancipated, graduated high school at the age of 17 and now I’m in college and that is were the story truly begins.

    First let me tell you about myself I’m 5’7” red hair that I try to dye black but the dye never holds, green eyes, whitest skin you’ve ever seen and my style is gothic lolita, I think my name influenced me. I’m not a bad or evil person but I’m also not a wonderful person. I look out for me and that’s it.

    I got a full scholarship to the state school in my home town and thus began my descent into insanity. It started out as a normal college freshman experience, I got stuck with an extra peppy girl named Heather who wore only bright clothes and insisted on opening all the blinds, I had teachers that hated me, teachers that didn’t notice me and classes that didn’t make sense. It was normal and I miss it so. We where taking midterms (on my 18 birthday) in my writing class when the teacher came up next to me and started to accuse me of cheating, he was one of the ones that didn’t like me. I tried to calmly talk to him but he keep yelling in my face and I could feel my temper rise when it happened, I felt a surge of power then a lighting bolt touched down inches from his feet. His hair stuck up and he fainted. I sat there with the rest of the class stunned, did I do that? The answer was a simple, yes. I gathered my stuff and ran back to my dorm room. I slammed the door hard and fussed with the blinds, I needed it dark, I needed the comfort. I was scared and shaky. I sat down on my bed when I felt another surge of power and my fingers started to glow. I cupped my other hand over hoping to extinguish it but it was too late and a small lighting bolt filled the darkness and gave me a deep burn. I scrambled into the corner my breathing getting shallow and fast hand clenched in pain. The door swung open and the room was bathed in a bright light. I squinted my eyes and I could vaguely see the outline of a women. The woman entered the darkness and that’s when I noticed it was Heather my roommate. I held up my injured hand to shield out some more of the light when Heather gasped

    “Your hurt, what happened?”

    “Could you please shut the door the light is blinding.”

    “Oh sure, are you alright?”

    Heather closed the door and turned on the light but thank goodness she left the blinds alone. She rushed over to my bed and sat beside me grabbing my hand.

    “What did you do? This is a very odd burn.”

    “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

    “Try me.”

    She took her hand held it over mine and I could feel the pain start to lift. I looked down at my hand and there wasn’t a trace of the burn left. I looked up at her in disbelieve and then back to my hand. I had so many questions but I seemed to have lost the power to speak so I just looked at her with the dumbest confused look ever.

    “You’re wondering how I did that.”

    I nodded

    “The gods have been reborn, they decided that humans needed us again. I am Hermes and you are Zeus.”

    I stare

    “A little more then nineteen years ago they decided the world need the gods once again but needed to be born as mortals for education. I believe you are the last god to turn 18, I was the first to turn 18 but I have always known that I was a god and that eventually I would get powers.”

    “Uh who? Who? Why?”

    “I’m not sure who I think it is the former gods but there are other
    theories.”

    “Yeah but why me?”

    “Again, we are not sure why any of us.”

    “There are more?”

    “Of course you remember Greek mythology right, well there is Zeus, Hades, Poseidon, Hera, Apollo, Artemis, Aphrodite, Ares, Hermes, Athena and many others the whole gang is back.”

    “So did all of these people who became those gods know they were gods?”

    “No I seem to be the only one, I think it was because I am to assemble and guide you all but I am of course your messenger since you are the king, uh queen of the gods.”

    “Who me?”

    “Well you are the daughter of Zeus.”

    “So if I’m a god does that make me immortal?”

    “Yes you are now that you are 18.”

    “Then how did I just burn myself?”

    “Well other god’s powers can hurt you especially your own.”

    “I have powers?”

    “Of course.”

    “What are they?”

    “I’m not to sure about your powers since you are the heir of Zeus, no one knew all the powers he held but trust me when I say that they will be great and there will be many.”

    “This is too much I have to clear my head.”

    I grabbed my purse and took off out the door before she even had a chance to stop me. I was outside of the building when I ran into her, literally.

    “I’m Hermes daughter did you really think you could loss me?”

    “Well yes I did.”

    I stared at her with as much sternness as I could muster. She looked back at me and I could tell she was debating weather or not to let me go. Finally she stepped to the side and allowed me to pass.

    “I am going to gather the gods this weekend if it is ok with you.”

    “Yeah do what you want.”

    I ran off, ran to nowhere just ran. I ran until I couldn’t and then I walked aimlessly around the town when I realized that I was at the graveyard and more specifically at my mom’s grave. I sunk down to my knees and looked at my mom’s headstone and I could feel tears start to form. Mom did you know? Did you know you slept with Zeus? My dad is a playboy god! Mom what am I supposed to do? I bombarded her head stone with questions until I ran out. That’s when it hit me. Who said that I had to accept it all? That was it; the answer was so easy, I was only a god if I accepted it and I decided right then that I wouldn’t. I stood up wiped the tears away apologized to my mom for yelling at her and headed back to the dorm with a renew vigor.

    I was half way back passing an electronics store when I heard shooting and a man in a mask ran out of the store knocking me down and dragging a young boy. The police came and the frantic robber held the gun to the boys’ temple his fingers shaking dangerously at the trigger. The boy began to cry, the police began to yell and the robber began to squeeze the trigger. I held up my hand and yelled no. Time seemed to slow. The robber froze, literally he slowly started to turn grey and harden until he was a statue of his former self. The boy managed to wiggle free stood there eyes wide looking at me. The police seemed speechless. As their minds tried to comprehend what happened I decided it was a good time to slip away. I ran to a side alley and took the back streets back to the dorm not looking back once. I ran up to my room where an awaiting Heather paced.

    “Oh it’s so wonderful!”

    “Ah what is?”

    “You saved that little boy didn’t you, I mean turning to stone was priceless.”

    “Uhh well you see I-“

    “It was a great way to introduce the gods return, it was heroic.”

    “Yeah I didn’t do it on purpose.”

    “Oh you didn’t? Well oh well it worked out perfectly. I think we need to start preparing to officially introduce us to the world. We will make all the plans at the meeting.”

    “About the meeting see I’ve decided that I refuse to be a god, I mean goddess so I wont be attending.”

    “Yes you will.”

    And with that Heather was out the door before I had a chance to argue. I lay back on my bed exhausted looked up at the ceiling and gave a long sigh.

    This was just the tip of the insanity that would become my life
    Last edited by Eria; Mar 26, 2008 at 10:12 AM.


    I'm just me.

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    Newbie Dandoria may be famous one day Dandoria may be famous one day Dandoria's Avatar
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    Re: Lolita; A new god

    Nicely done, Eria! You've got an interesting story concept there. Your writing style is still a bit unrefined, but I'm sure you could improve a lot if you just kept writing. It's good to see that you are on the right way - for many aren't. Your descriptions of feelings are okay, so now try to describe more sights and hearings! (Don't overdo it, of course. Nothing is as good as balance.) Above all: never give up.
    For how long have you been an author?

    - Darehan ci darevur -

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    Eria (May 04, 2008)

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    Otaku Eria is off to a good start Eria's Avatar
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    Re: Lolita; A new god

    I haven't been writing for long at all. I am in college now and am just now finding my different interests. In high school I was all about math and science. I had a boyfriend a couple of years ago who was so passionate about writing and he has kind of rubbed of on me

    Thank you very much for your suggestions, no one commented so I kind of just put this story on hold but I think I might revise it and continue it. This was the first draft too so I know I should revise it.


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    Otaku Caixa 2006 Champion Corvus may be famous one day Corvus may be famous one day Corvus's Avatar
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    Re: Lolita; A new god

    hey Eria how long do you think until the second post? I like the concept. At first I was kinda thinking oh great another one of those god's as mortals things but you seem to have an interesting twist at each of the characters so far and I look forward to seeing the other personalities.

    Your style is a little unrefined but it's forgiveable and it can only get better. My suggestion is to get a friend to read it out loud to you because sometimes you write things and it's hard to distinguish between what you have there in your head and what's actually written on paper. (or in this case typed on the screen) It's sort of a simple tactic but even award winning authors have people to double check their work for them so it might be a good idea for the rest of us too right.^^ I really do like this one and the simplicity with which everything is presented it's a good lighthearted change from the between the lines politic filled books that I have to read for my lit course so I like it =P

    Just a curiousity here, Lolita/ Zeus = you maybe? A yes or no answer would be great as any sort of detail would be like a spoiler for the character.

    Thanks again for the read and keep it up ^^
    ~out~
    Last edited by Corvus; May 07, 2008 at 06:18 PM.

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    Eria (May 06, 2008)

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    Otaku Eria is off to a good start Eria's Avatar
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    Re: Lolita; A new god

    No she isn't based on me exactly of course I have taken aspects of myself and put them into her but for the most part she is just a character.

    Thank you for the tip of reading out loud. It does always seem to go that things sound a hole a lot better insides one head.


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    Otaku Caixa 2006 Champion Corvus may be famous one day Corvus may be famous one day Corvus's Avatar
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    Re: Lolita; A new god

    like a whole lot better inside one's head?
    ahah I'll leave you alone so you can get the part two in here.

    ... and join my rebellion against time.

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    Newbie Dandoria may be famous one day Dandoria may be famous one day Dandoria's Avatar
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    Re: Lolita; A new god

    So, Eria, you're someone who used to dwell in beta subjects and now does something alpha-like? I thought I was unique. I'm about to finish high school with beta maths, physics, and chemistry, whereas after that I'm going to study Dutch language. It seems my writer's heart has won.

    I see you're going to revise and continue this story - good! Have you written other tales as well? Don't try mine on this forum... I'm a bad translator. :P I think I'll revise one of those sometime, too.

    - Darehan ci darevur -

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    Otaku Adriana may be famous one day Adriana may be famous one day Adriana's Avatar
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    Re: Lolita; A new god

    hey good story i really liked it!!keep up the good work!!*applause*. it's really really nice makes me wanna start writing something too hehe!!so keep it up and bye bye
    Visit my and jessie's story on this link!!hope you like it all

    http://www.animeonline.net/f101/gate...er-life-31158/

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    Eria (May 19, 2008)

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