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Thread: Lost in the dream of no return...

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    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Lost in the dream of no return...

    Yay!!! ^^ Another story, I had been planing this for a year now and at last I figured how to write it and here it is ^^ I hope you all like it guys!!!

    Games of fate

    My jaw dropped open, but actually... was there a reason to be surprised? I had been expecting this to happen ever since the teacher called his name as my partners. And here I was, sitting in front of Vincent, having done most of the project work already and now he refuses to help me a little in the practical part...

    “Listen! Either you’re working with me or I’m going to talk to the teacher!” I said at last.
    “Like I’d care…” he simply answered.
    “How can you not care?!” I asked- I always got angry when seeing people this lazy…

    “I’m not a perfectionist,” again his cold lips moved.
    “Perfectionist?” I laughed. “Perfectionist! You think I’m doing this all just to prove I’m perfect or something?! For Your information! Some people here have to work hard to earn their place here! You can’t imagine how lucky you are to have a father who can pay for this school!”

    “Rather have no father than a father like mine,” Vincent said, sitting back in his chair and putting his feet on the table. This was enough for me, this was something I could not stand, how could anyone say something like that about their parents? And why was I the one from whom good took away hers? I stood up and walked towards the door.

    “You’re leaving?” he asked. And I felt happy to hear at least a little bit of surprise in his words.
    “There’s no use of trying to help a person, who has given up on himself,” I said and walked out the door, feeling rather proud of myself, of what I had just said.


    It was a late evening and I was walking to the dormitory when suddenly a familiar voice stopped me.
    “I heard you handed in the project as our both work,” he said. I turned around to see Vincent standing with his back against the wall, with a cigarette in his mouth.
    “Yes, I did,” I answered, smiling. “It misses the practical art though, but the teacher it won’t be that bad.”

    “Why did you do so?” Vincent asked. I didn’t answer; I just turned around and continued on my way. The thing was that I did not know why I had done it, it seemed pretty silly to me now, but it seemed like the right thing to do in the moment when I entered the teachers’ room.

    The traffic lights turned green and I crossed the road.

    Suddenly I turned just to see a car moving towards me in great speed, I couldn’t do anything, I was paralyzed- my brain refused to work, but then I felt someone grabbing me...

    He didn’t manage to push us aside, he had the time just to grab me and I guess we both landed on the front window of the car. I just remember the hit, the terrible pain that made me unable to move, my pulse ringing in my head, counting my last seconds and a blurred image of Vincents face, covered in blood.

    *P.s. It might seem kind of strange because the two main characters were just run over by a car, but this story will be continued...
    Last edited by Lasura; Jul 08, 2007 at 03:35 PM.

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Re: Lost in the dream of no return...

    NICE CLIFFHANGER!! I like this story. Very well written. Although, "dormitory dorms" just doesn't sound right. It's kinda repetitive. I'd just say dormitory. Other than that, you did great! ^_^
    Last edited by atomik_sprout; Jun 27, 2007 at 09:23 AM. Reason: who said I was quoiting people this time around? ^_^


  3. #3
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Lost in the dream of no return...

    Thank You Sprout very much!!!^^ I edited it too...I had no idea actualy how it is in English, this is what my dictionary offered. lol

    I'm happy you find it well writen, it's a big compliment from you and I'm oh so happy to hear you like it! ^^

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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    Otaku Noodles is off to a good start Noodles's Avatar
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    Re: Lost in the dream of no return...

    Wow
    Nice ending
    I would have made it a little more gore but thats just me
    Mr. Fangs

  5. #5
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Lost in the dream of no return...

    Ahh... I thouht about the same thing...wanted to wite something about blood everywhere and stuff but figured it wouldn't really fit in...

    And it's not the ending, it is just the begining!!!!!!!

    I'm glad to hear the wow though!!! ^^ Thank you!

    EDIT
    Here are two next chapters, since I wasn't able to post for such a long time... Hope you like them!!! And enjoy reading them.

    Where?

    I opened my eyes to see the purple evening sky painted above among the leaves of the summer trees... I sat up and took a look around- I was in a small clearing in the middle of a dark, green wood. I almost panicked, understanding that I’m all alone in the middle of nowhere. But then I felt someone touching my shoulder.

    Slowly I looked up over my shoulder and saw Vincent’s face, looking as calm as ever, that made me pull myself together. For a moment we just stood there, looking in each others eyes, thinking about something… Many thoughts run through my head, but only one seemed important enough to say it out loud: “Thank You.”

    “For what?” he answered.
    “For…jumping in there and… saving me…”
    “Let that stay just between you and me,” he said, looking away, somewhere in the deep of the wood.
    “Where are we now?” I asked, even though I knew he did not know the answer.
    “Somewhere between hell and heaven I guess…” he said and his answer made a lot more sense than anything I had expected to hear from him... Strange thoughts about life and death took over me, but then I shook them off and said, jumping up on my feet: “We should find a way out of here anyways, or we’ll starve to death or will be eaten by wild beasts!”
    He didn’t answer; he just lied down on the ground again, leaning his back against an old, big oak tree. It seemed like he was about to fall asleep.
    “How can you even think about sleeping now?!” I shouted, but then I took another look up at the sky and I understood that falling asleep now was the best thing to do- it was late, I could see the first stars in the sky, we could do nothing now…

    So I lied down beside him, as close as I dared to, but I could not fall asleep…

    Soon the sun had set and darkness filled the wood. And I lied there, trembling from fear, trying to pull myself together, with tears in my eyes and weight of the world on my heart. The forest seemed full with beasts, it felt like they were all around me, standing there, watching and waiting for me to close my eyes so they could attack…

    I started as someone touched my shoulder.

    “Don’t tell me you’re afraid of dark,” I heard Vincent say calmly, a little softer than other times. I didn’t answer, I just tried not to tremble so much. Of course I was afraid of dark! I had always been…

    “Leave me alone,” I thought, biting my lips. Suddenly he pulled me close; I screamed as he did so- my heart was beating so fast it felt like it’d break… He wrapped his arms around me tightly, whispering quietly, warmly: “Shh… It’ll be alright.”
    I hid my face in his chest as tears broke out from my eyes, I cried, gasping for breath, with my body still trembling hardly ut he just brushed my hair, comforting me untill I fell asleep.
    Last edited by Lasura; Jul 08, 2007 at 03:36 PM.

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  6. #6
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Lost in the dream of no return...

    Now sorry to the staff but I figured out it's too long to post in that one post so I'll have to double post... Really Sorry...

    Torn apart

    I woke up in his arms and smiled: “From hating him I go to loving him… and it all just due one day…”

    “What now?” I asked when he woke up and sat up slowly. He answered by standing up and, going across the clearing and disappearing in the forest again.
    “Where are you going?” I asked, looking after him.
    “We have to find civilization,” he answered.
    “How do you know where to go?” I screamed but got no answer. Quickly I jumped up and followed him in the wood.

    “I knew he’d just leave me like this,” I whispered to myself, when I had walked for quite some time without seeing him. I was unbelievably happy to see him again.
    “How do you think to find any civilization?” I asked, trying to get my breath back, slowly walking towards him.
    “Maybe we should follow this path?” he answered. Now I had got closer and saw indeed that he had found a path, a narrow path that was probably used for horse-ridding, but it was better than nothing.

    “Now witch way should we go?” I wondered.
    “Lets try to trust my intuition again,” he said and walked away again. I followed him, not thinking much, I was sure that we would find something on both of the ends of this path.

    We hadn’t walked for long when I heard the sound of horse footsteps. I stopped and tried to see who was there, my heart was beating fast again, I was sure we were saved.

    Suddenly I felt Vincent grabbing my hand, pulling my away and whispering: “Come. We’d better get away”
    But, before I even understood what he had just said, I heard a strange sound and something black flew right past my face. I turned around to see an arrow pierce into Vincent’s chest. His eyes went big and dim from pain and he fell down on his knees. I quickly grabbed him, not letting him fall down…

    “Vincent… Vincent…” I whispered, my voice was trembling, my eyes full with tears again. “No, no, no… please don’t… This can’t be…”
    “Run…” he whispered trough pain. But I could not… my feet felt too weak, I cried again, cried of him, cried of me being too slow and too weak and I hugged him tightly.
    Only when I heard the horses stop right behind my back and men getting down from them, I lied Vincent down slowly and stood up to face those people.

    There were tree men all dressed in black and their faces were hidden. All of them had some hind of weapons, one of them had a bow, another one had a long sword but the third one had two quite long knifes.
    “You must help him,” I said, but they didn’t seem to understand. The next moment one of them grabbed me, I kicked and screamed to let go but he was strong enough and I was scared enough for me to be an easy catch. The next moment I was thrown over vertically on a horse back, my hands and my feet tied, the only thing I could do was scream as they brought me away from the place where Vincent lied, bleeding, unconscious…

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  7. #7
    Newbie Dandoria may be famous one day Dandoria may be famous one day Dandoria's Avatar
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    Re: Lost in the dream of no return...

    Not bad! Am I right if I say you are mixing reality and fantasy in this story? I partially do that myself as well, only a little though. You use a style I like. It's close to the characters - VERY important, if you ask me - and their personalities are different. Difference creates contrast and, in doing so, round characters. Good work.
    Can I give you an advice? I personally like a clear description of surroundings. When a new area is introduced, show it to the reader in all its detail. You rather keep what you have now? Keep it. Opinions have to vary, after all.

    - Darehan ci darevur -

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    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Lost in the dream of no return...

    Yay!!! I'm glad you liked it!!! I really am!!! Yea... mixing I am... Close to the characters is my thing, I really like to write in "me" and "I", although it sometimes is troublesome... And different personalities are important, I agree with that, although the main character is ussually the same in my stories- I put a lot of myself in my characters, I still have to practise a lot to make my characters different from myslef, but I'll come to it sooner or later...

    I know what you mean about descriptions... I really have problems with describing the surroundings, but I've worked more with the suroundings in the chapter I'm about to post now... So tell me what you think...

    A long path...
    They were carrying me for what seemed an eternity...
    After one days ride we got out of the forest and a great desert appeared right in front of us. I know how impossible it seems- a forest ending up in a desert immediately, but then again… everything here was impossible, this at least explained why my capturers were so dark-skinned.

    Only one of them ever took off his mask, and, as far as I understood, he was also the leader. When he did take off his mask, I watched him all the time, to make sure I wouldn’t forget him, and I didn’t- I remember his face even now, after all this time- his grey eyes, his small, rough lips, that high forehead and those long, curly hair.
    But I could never forget another one of them either- the one that fed me (my hands were tied all the time), he was black, or at least very, very dark-tanned, and he had a great wound over the left side of his face, and whoever attacked him, had also injured his eye, for it was completely white- blind, it surprised me at first, because he was the bowmen but then again- when you aim, you usually close one eye…

    I couldn’t find out who they were, because none of them spoke English. I was happy at least about the fact that they didn’t treat me as bad as they could have, mostly they just ignored me, I didn’t even see any of them looking at me neither with lust, nor with anger, no matter how loud I screamed or how much food I spit out at them.

    I didn’t sleep much at nights, I could not- every time I closed my eyes I saw Vincent, so I just mostly stared at the fire the men lit every night until my brain just shut down…

    It was a very, very long ride, but at last I noticed that the sand beneath our feet was changed by a wide, rock-lied road. Somehow I managed to raise my head so that I could see where we were going. And what I saw surprised me so much… my heart still beats faster when I remember that. In the middle of the desert, there was a great cliff a great waterfall had found his place there. A big city was built around this waterfall; the biggest building- the castle of the king was carved high above the roofs of the other buildings- in the cliff, not far from the waterfall, I could even see large steps leading up to the palace and small man-made torrents too.

    I was happy to see people around, even though they all were my capturers, at least that’s how I understood it- they were just standing there, looking at me strangely as I passed and then got back to their everyday life when I was out of sight.

    Then we stopped.

    One of the men untied my feet and got me off the horse. My feet gave up on me at first and I fell on my knees but after a moment I got up and turned towards where I had to go, I was at the bottom of those great stairs I saw from afar, two of the men were already on their way up, now the third one pushed me towards them too, I didn’t resist and started the long climb up.
    The stairs led very high up and the climb was very tiring, but I could not give up, I rather bore the pain and the sickness then let that man touch me and carry me up.

    At last I was at the door of the palace. They were just opening the large, gold-plated door, with gemstones crafted and powerful runes engraved, when I approached; a great hall appeared behind it, with great arches all around and a fountain in the middle of the room, its water was sapphire-blue, and the bottom of the well was covered with gems in all the colors of the rainbow instead of silver coins.

    I was pulled through this hall into a large arch-decorated corridor; I passed many beautifully carved wooden doors before at last their leader stopped at one door, unlocked it, and I was pushed inside it. It was dark there, a weak light from the sealed window lighted only few spots in the room. Slowly walking over something soft I went to the window and opened the little doors that sealed it.

    Firstly I gasped because of the view that appeared in front of me- beautiful, clear-blue sky, the little, busy city far beneath me, the strong, eternal cliff on my right, beautiful, clear water, painting the sky in rainbow-colors on my left, the peaceful, empty desert and the green, dark, mysterious forest far away at the horizon. I stood there, with my breath held and tears filling my eyes, for quite a time before I took a look at the room I was in.

    I was locked in some kind of a sick boudoir- the ground was laid with a red velvet carpet, as well as it was filled with many purple, red and orange pillows with golden drawings, the sealing was nothing but a big mirror, and there were only two pieced of furniture- a large bed in one corner, veiled with a purple baldachin and covered with pillows again and a mirror table by one of the walls. This would be the room of my dreams, if only I hadn’t been brought here the way I was…

    Now I started to understand why I was brought here, I had a feeling that I am here to work as a slave to someone, to become someone’s obedient lover… I clenched my fist and bite my lips to blood, thinking: “This won’t happen to me…”
    Then I understood that I probably couldn’t do anything about it, my fist unclenched again and I fell down on the floor crying.

    I cried myself to sleep that day.

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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