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Thread: The Lost Tales, Pt. 1: Awakening

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    Newbie Shinigami Kira is off to a good start Shinigami Kira's Avatar
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    The Lost Tales, Pt. 1: Awakening

    Alright, so it's becoming rather apparent that fantasy-based fanfics are more popular than realistic-fiction ones, so here's a book I wrote about two years ago. The first ten chapters are a bit rough around the edges, since this is one I refrained from publishing because the early fifth of the book I wrote while in 8th grade (and thus isn't nearly as well-written as the rest of the book). But I promise that the story grows steadily, and the twist at the end is the main reason to read (or, rather, the explanation for all these events). This first segment is only the prologue of sorts, to set up the evolving story. Like I said before, I'm sorry about the first few threads I'll be posting, since they won't be as well-written. Thanks for reading anyways, I hope you enjoy it.

    December 31, 1899

    Lyndis made her way along the road, on the way to a New Year’s Eve party, walking carefully so as to not dirty her new dress. It had cost her much more than she would have liked, especially for a New Year’s Eve party.

    Of course, this was no mere New Year’s Eve party. Tonight, Lyndis and many others would be celebrating the dawn of a new age. They were leaving behind the old century, and progressing into a new one.

    Surely, it is a rare privilege to live through such an event, Lyndis thought to herself many times after receiving the invitation to the party for which she was headed.

    And she was completely correct. Although it seems that time and its passing were to be interminable, one never does know if some other lucky people will be alive during the next dawning of centuries.

    As such, Lyndis felt she should spare no expense on her dress, the one which she was wearing at the present moment. And so, she threw out many of her old dresses, feeling they were getting stale, as the soon-to-be former century had begun to feel.

    Already moving slower than she would have liked, she was beginning to fall behind her husband’s long strides due to her strenuous attempts to keep her pricey dress immaculate. Lyndis and her husband, Jerome, were entering the darker parts of the empty streets. She shivered in the cold and rubbed herself to try to warm her body.

    Then, to her left, Lyndis thought she saw a faint glimmer. It was off near a dark alley, and the perturbing light was obviously not brought about by a lantern.

    So, late as she was already, for it was nearly midnight, and the party’s festivities were surely about to peak, Lyndis was intrigued. She edged closer to the light, contemplating what this strange sight might be.

    A small voice told her to run, that she should leave the strange light be, but as Lyndis walked ever closer to the now growing light, her worries were wiped away, replaced by a single thought of wonderment. And so transfixed by the sight Lyndis was, that she drew ever nearer to the shining enigma. So close was she, that she was nearly touching the light.

    Suddenly, and without warning, the light grew, and angry colors replaced the soothing ones that had earlier transfixed Lyndis. The new colors moved and swirled about many times, until an almost distinguishable pattern was present in the strange light.

    But as quickly as it had appeared, the pattern faded to the background, nearly invisible underneath the raging and suddenly violently moving colors. And in place of the pattern, a horrendous claw-like hand, on an even more unsightly arm, emerged.

    Still confused and trapped within the wonder of her own mind, Lyndis stood there on the street in stunned silence. Only when the hand seized her did Lyndis snap back into reality. As the hand began dragging her into the light, she struggled to break free, but to no avail; the arm was beyond human strength.

    After realizing that struggling was futile, Lyndis opened her mouth to call for help. But before she could scream her husband’s name, a second hand emerged and clamped Lyndis’ mouth shut. This only made Lyndis want to scream more. The hand was a sickly white, clammy, and rough to the touch. It smelled like nothing Lyndis had smelt before, and was anything but pleasant. Slowly and to Lyndis’ horror, the hands began pulling her through the now black light.

    No sooner was her head through, than Jerome whipped around, thinking he had heard something. When he first gazed upon the enigmatic light, Jerome merely stood there in a complete silence, in awe of such a phenomenon, just as Lyndis had. But he was soon shaken from the bewitching light’s hold, and realized that the light—creature— whatever it was, was taking his beloved wife.

    He ran towards Lyndis, a strange feeling coursing through his veins, with his hand outstretched. With an adrenal speed to spur him, Jerome lunged for Lyndis’ foot, the only part of her body not absorbed by the strange light. Jerome swiped at the foot, and fell to the ground heavily, as the light minimized to a pinpoint of radiance and blinked out.

    Jerome’s anguished cry was like a lone wolf’s in the middle of the night under a full moon, echoing sadly in the streets.

    In the future reflected in the fruit
    I change my dream into an ideal

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    Randomly Renny!!! XD Boiler Breakdown Champion, Lotads Lament Champion, Crystal Island Champion, Festive Fallout Champion Renn may be famous one day Renn's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Tales, Pt. 1: Awakening

    oh i like this story very nice!!!!I like the way you write!!^.^.....i wish i could write like that though.....T.T

    'This world is trash. Cursed by the Fon Master...'

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    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Tales, Pt. 1: Awakening

    Ahhh... nice ^^ The thing is that your stories are just great!!! There are so great I can't even envy you!!!! If you are not writing books- you should ^^

    The reason why not many people coment is firsly because the Fanfic section is not that popular, maybe if you would gain popularity otherways peopel would be reading your stories just because of you
    And secondly- your stories are quite long and the fact that you don't use dialogues (though that is a great way to write and you're doing it great) makes it worse- most people are too lazy
    And you shouldn't try changing because of these reasons.

    I did read this and I recommend everone else because it is great! I really love the way you write. And i hope this story continues ^^ maybe I'll find the next part here already? Anyways... keep it up and I mean it. I want to read more ^^

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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    Newbie Lethe is off to a good start Lethe's Avatar
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    Re: The Lost Tales, Pt. 1: Awakening

    Quote Originally Posted by Shinigami Kira View Post
    Alright, so it's becoming rather apparent that fantasy-based fanfics are more popular than realistic-fiction ones, so here's a book I wrote about two years ago. The first ten chapters are a bit rough around the edges, since this is one I refrained from publishing because the early fifth of the book I wrote while in 8th grade (and thus isn't nearly as well-written as the rest of the book). But I promise that the story grows steadily, and the twist at the end is the main reason to read (or, rather, the explanation for all these events). This first segment is only the prologue of sorts, to set up the evolving story. Like I said before, I'm sorry about the first few threads I'll be posting, since they won't be as well-written. Thanks for reading anyways, I hope you enjoy it.
    I like the characters already and I'm impressed by how well you describe things (this is something I tend to be rather lax about at times) thankfully you don't linger on too long on any one thing while doing so. SO! with all that out of the way; I'll hold off on any crits I may have, since you say it is a little rough.

    While it did seem incomplete in someways, it still leaves the reader with a curiosity as to what will happen next. I know I'd like to know. If you ever do plan to publish it, you really should work out those kinks in the first few chapters. It's never fun to revisit old stuff, but (from my own experience anyway) you'll be more likely to finish it.

    blah blah blah - my goodness but I do ramble at times

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