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Thread: For love

  1. #9
    Otaku Heavenhanced may be famous one day Heavenhanced may be famous one day
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    Re: For love

    The story is more and more interesting! Hope you will post more soon!

  2. #10
    Ever So Awesome Kaboom Champion, Archery Champion, Crazy Pool 2 Champion, Ninja-Boy Champion, Bubble Shooter Champion zyta may be famous one day zyta may be famous one day zyta's Avatar
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    Re: For love

    Normally I wouldn't bother reading these, but this time I do so at the author's request...

    By the responses I wonder if any of you read real books or not, but I doubt it. There are many problems with this, so much that I couldn't finish reading it because my writer's heart was bleeding too much.

    To start things off, there are too many grammatical errors such as punctuation, too many present tense/paste tense 'train wrecks', and others. Putting grammar aside, some of the sentences aren't even sentences, either they don't follow the basic rule that all sentences require an object, a subject, and a verb, while other sentences are run-on sentences (two or more sentences forced together without proper grammar placement).

    Next issue is the incredible lack of description, rather, 'where is the description?' All that we, as reader's, know from this is a house, and a room, nothing to implicate what the room is for, what's in the room, and how it looks.

    Following description naturally there is a lack of emotional feeling that a reader feels automatically as their eyes stray from word to word. There's no beat, no melody to keep the reader interested.

    Following that the characters themselves, I don't know about how a girl acts and thinks, but you portrayed how a guy acts/thinks very wrong, in fact he is more female than male. The two genders think vastly different. I'm not saying he is a girl, rather there is a problem with the girl too: neither of them feel like real people, they're more similar to robots with a script to say and act upon.

    There is only one redeeming quality to this, and that one isn't that great either. It's the dialogue, at least you're trying here, but like I previously stated,they feel like robots.

    The comment 'Try Harder' is a vast understatement of what needs to be done. Read, read, read: That is the only way to learn how to write properly.

    Visit my blog: Rewriting Life

  3. #11
    Banned Centrifuge Champion Stormwolf is off to a good start
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    Re: For love

    Sheesh Zyta, be nicer. Not everyone is as good of a writer as you.

  4. #12
    Newbie darkfreya is off to a good start darkfreya's Avatar
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    Re: For love

    oh my the first part was so sad and the rest was getting good

  5. #13
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: For love

    Zyta I must say that your comment was rather overexaggerated and... evil, which is out of the place in the fanfic section. You can not expect for all stories here to be of the level of books you can buy in stores.

    There are gramatical errors indeed and there are problems with present and past tenses, however I have seen worse and it is of little help to just say that it is all wrong and be done with it, it would be great if you would take just a second more to put in an example and how to correct it, so that it would be more like helping rather than just showing your disaproval

    As with the descriptions, different authors have different aproaches. Some people choose to add very few descriptions, but can manage to still create an image. You must agree that it's more of an art to create the character with what he/she speaks and what people talk of him/her rather than simply saying in one sentence something like: "He was tall, blond and self destructive."

    Furthermore, there are different people and you should accept that not every boy in the world will think and feel the same way you do. Renn's character was not a failure, the boy was realistic enough, I simply thought that it could be a rather young boy.

    In the end, it is simply not right to dicourage peole to such a degree as your comment does >.< It could completely crush some people (like me XD), you are lucky that Renn is such an strong girl that she took your comment as an encouragement to work with you and improve, although she seems now completely dicouraged to continue this story.
    Some people here need to write more in order to improve her gramar and it could be very hard if you go around telling them that their writting makes your heart to "bleed" (no matter how beautiful of an expression it was).
    Of course it is nice to see someone who puts more effort in their posts, but... please lets be more encouraging.

    I do read a lot of books and I have become very unpatient with bad writing. I do not think that it was just my friendship with Renn that kept me reading (ask Ray, he is my bf and I have scalded him about his writing like hell). The story seems very interesting and I really wanted to know what's going to happen nexy and so on

    P.s.
    Sorry for this comment if it really "buggs" someoene, but I got very emotional, couldn't fall asleep and stuff XD

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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