Its a good story line but it got a little confusing when Afina ran to the room. I like it though.
Good, Im ready for Chapter 2
Good, though I don't know what u r talking about
So-So could be improved (please tell me how to make it better)
Alright everybody my first chapter of my first story. This one takes place 3 years after the ending of Grandia 3. The POV is through the eyes of Alfina, go figure... alright lets give it a shot, it's for all of you who like grandia, and of course all of my friends.
“3 years ago... It seems so long ago that my brother resurrected the guardian Xorn, and tried to transform the world into what the verse realm looked like. But, even though we defeated Xorn... the inevitable still happened. My brother Emelious, was turned into a glass statue, just like those in the verse realm... all because of the curse of Xorn.”
I sat at the kitchen table staring into the sky. “Alfina?” I turned around and standing behind me was Yuki. “Hey, what’s wrong Alfina? You’ve been staring out of that window for the last 5 minutes, so come on and tell me what’s wrong.” “Yuki... I was just... thinking about my brother, that’s all.” “Emelious huh... You sure do miss him huh, I can’t blame you though...” “Hmm, why not Yuki?” “Well, if you were to leave me, I would miss you but... you know that already.” “But, Yuki... you know that I’m not going to leave you.” I stood up, walked over to Yuki, and put my arms around him, and he did the same. “3 years seems like a long time huh? Think about it Alfina... you were 15 then and I was 16. Then again now that we are thinking about then, it seems like yesterday.” I nodded in agreement with him. “It’s also been that long since we last saw your mom and uh... Al... Alon...so, yeah Alonso. I wanna go see them.” Yuki sat down at the table and I followed. “Sure thing Alfina, we’ll go see them tomorrow. They are living in Mendi city now so, it could be a bit of a challenge to find them.”
“Hey Yuki, are you going to see Schmidt while we’re in Mendi?” “Umm, Schmidt is... he’s dead Alfina.” I jumped up in shock as I cried out, “when... how...” I paused for a second. “Alfina... he died the day we rescued you from your brother, he sacrificed himself... so that I could be with you.” I ran up the stairs into my room and I fell down onto my bed crying. I was there for a few minutes crying until... “Hey umm... Alfina?” I looked over at my door and Yuki was there. I told him to come in. Yuki walked over and sat on the edge of my bed and put his arm around my head, then I buried my head into his chest and started crying even harder than I was before. “Hey Alfina, you don’t need to cry.” “But Yuki, if it wasn’t for me then... then...” Yuki interrupted me, “Alfina, it’s not your fault.” I went to respond but then Yuki put his fingers to my lips. “Shhh.” He whispered. “Why don’t you take a nap Alfina? It will make you feel better.” I thought about it for a second before taking my head out of Yuki’s chest. He wiped away my tears with his hands and pulled a quilt over me. “Hey Yuki.” “Hmm. What’s up?” I looked at him, I was trying my best not to sniffle but... “Yuki, will you stay here with me? I don’t know why but... I don’t want to be alone.” “Yeah, I’ll stay with you, at least until you fall asleep. I’ve gotta get the plane ready for tomorrow.” “Okay.” I said while I moved over to the side of my bed so that Yuki could lay down next to me.
THx for reading guys and gals, please take the time to fill out the poll above
Last edited by Alfina-kun; Jan 01, 2007 at 05:07 PM. Reason: proofreading