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Thread: Open Your Eyes

  1. #1
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Open Your Eyes

    U know Snow Patrol song "Open Your Eyes", well this is inspired by that song and by Arthur Milelr's playwrite and by Taro cards ^^ I hope you like it
    EDIT: I decided to try something new and made this as a play... I hope you still like it.. If not- warn me!
    Prelude

    A lodge in front of a small, quiet, nostalgic café, a large, old style hanging “Aries” can be seen, wooden stands twined with ivies on the sides of the lodge, iron benches and tables. A woman, dressed in black and purple is sitting by one of the tables with a book in her lap and a small cup in her hands, she speaks:

    “Cards are said to be able to change the world, they can tell you of the future, explain the past and the real and help you make the right decision. Those who understand the cards hold magnificent power in their hands, sometimes not even understanding it, because one right word, said in the right time can save a life; maybe even stop a war, though it might sound hard to believe…
    But there are such cases though, when nothing can be done, it is called fate. And there was one occurrence like that a year away from now. I remember it as if it had happened today.

    Nothing seemed interesting enough to take notice of in this grey September morning. (Henry and Angela enter from the café. They sit down by one of the tables and sit there, talking sweetly; the fortune teller carefully follows their each movement)

    Fortune teller: Indeed until they arrived… (she takes out her cards, mixes them slowly, watching the couple and places three cards on the table)

    Fortune teller: The Tower, Ten of Cups and Ten of Swords.

    Fortune teller: (looking back at the couple wondering) Too simple… How could have my intuition betrayed me this way?

    (A breeze of wind. The top card of the deck slips of and lands above the other cards lied on the table)

    Fortune teller: (whispering) Queen of Cups. (she sighs) Now I understand.

    (Sarah enters from the right side, she notices Henry and Angela and waves to them smiling, they motion her to sit with them and she does so)

    Fortune teller: That made me laugh again about how much my cards can tell me. But my mind was quite uneasy after that because the message of the cards seemed quite… disturbing I might say.
    Last edited by Lasura; Oct 01, 2007 at 02:25 AM.

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  2. #2
    Rawr~ :3 Boxteroid Champion, flyplane Champion, Home Run Champion, Bubbelfutsch Champion, Fire Fighter Champion, Brendans Soccer Champion, Movie Star Match-Up Champion, Total blackout Champion, Text Your Reflexes Champion, Scary movie Champion, Hulk Smash Up Champion, Star Wars Champion, Extreme Snowboarding Champion, Air Disc Champion, Action Fish Champion, A Game Of 3 Halves Champion, Battleball Champion, Hacky Sack Champion, FAD 2003 Champion, SQRL Golf Champion, Dr Yeckyl and Mr Ride Champion, Sky Glide Champion, Flyer Champion, Finnair Champion, Drachenjagd Champion, Canyon Glider Champion, City Surfing Champion, Action Driving Game Champion, Extreme Rowing Champion, Kardahdg Champion, Acceleracers Track Mod Champion, Final Test Champion, Du Wichtel Champion, Pedal Power Champion, Camera Killer 2 Champion, Bike Mania on ICE Champion, ATV Winter Challenge Champion, Caliber Dash Champion, Diesel and Death Champion, Snow Ride Champion, Camera Killer Champion, Pepsi Jet Ski Champion, Bumper Cars Championship Champion, Drifting Champion, Get A Grip Champion, Rooney on the Rampage Champion, Death To Ninja Champion, Kung Fu Hustle 2 Champion, Muay Thai Champion, Metal Arm FAWEGE Champion, Knife Champion, Classroom Fighter Champion, Nobuyuki Forces 3 Champion, Caddeva Champion, Sewer Dweller Champion, Angel Mart Champion, Snowy Champion, Bola Champion, Boiler Room Champion, Bobcat Champion, Amazon Quest Champion, Booty Champion, Five Errors Champion, Mind Your Marbles Champion, Angel Fruit Champion, Binggrae Champion, Candy Shoot Champion, Imperial tiles Champion, Himalayaya - Yeti Strikes Back Champion, Terrorist Attack Champion, Americas Army Champion, Special Operations Champion, Destroy the robots Champion, Cubicle Warfare Champion, Battle Field Champion, Weapons Dealer Champion, Army Copter Champion, Flat War Champion, Terrorist Alert Champion, Bully Basher Champion, Reaktor Champion, Bungee Rescue Champion, The Contraptor Champion, Boris Champion, Carling Cold Champion, Paddleball Champion RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe's Avatar
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    Re: Open Your Eyes

    ahh... tel me more abt the blondie~!! xD jk ^^

    Hmm..sounds like an interesting story.. can't wait for u to post em in ^^ be reading em like loyal fan.. XD

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
    I'm BACK AO!
    >>>facebook<<<

  3. #3
    Randomly Renny!!! XD Boiler Breakdown Champion, Lotads Lament Champion, Crystal Island Champion, Festive Fallout Champion Renn may be famous one day Renn's Avatar
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    Re: Open Your Eyes

    Oh Lasura i love you stories!!!hope you write more!!!I always look for any story you write!!!

    'This world is trash. Cursed by the Fon Master...'

  4. #4
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Open Your Eyes

    Why Thank You Ray ^^ That's really nice of you! I'm glad you like this and hope you enjoy reading ^^ I'll try my best (as always)

    I will tell more about the blondie... She's one of the main characters after all...

    And Thank You Renn sooo much!!!!!!! ^^ I'm glad you like these, I really am!!! It means the world for me! Next chapter will be tomorrow ^^

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  5. #5
    Newbie Dandoria may be famous one day Dandoria may be famous one day Dandoria's Avatar
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    Re: Open Your Eyes

    You posted this more than a week ago, and I didn't notice. Open your eyes, Dandoria. (Haha...)
    Anyway, your style is improving! The first paragraph is a very pleasant introduction, and I appreciate the details you add (such as tea freezing) - it's a way of writing I handle myself (and that means I can't think of any better way at the moment). I automatically wonder what the cards are saying; you've made me curious. That, as well, is a compliment.
    A little piece of advice from a friend: look for synonyms. A text becomes even more beautiful if you vary the choice of words. You did use "cards" nine times... and that can be helped. Fortunate for you and me.

    - Darehan ci darevur -

  6. #6
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Open Your Eyes

    Why thank you Dandoria for your comment ^^
    I'm glad you like it... I hope you like it in the play form too- less descriptions but I try to describe every movement of the characters- and what is our imagination made for?

    And a synonym to "cards"? Sheesh... that's hard. I'll try... or at least use it less...

    Oh and the cards are just to tell more in forward (if you have a translation book), u'll see all the chapters or scenes are named by the cards and I'll expalin each card at the end of the chapter.

    Ok, now here's the next chapter:
    1st act: The Queen of Cups

    Angela: Where have you been darling? I haven’t seen you since last Friday!
    Sarah: Sorry, I… I have been busy lately, with all the moving and school stuff...
    Angela: Come on! You live downstairs from us, you could come up in the evenings!I don’t understand- you didn’t have problems with that when you lived in the other side of the city!
    Sarah: (blushing and looking sideways at Henry) I just thought you two would rather spend the evenings together…
    Angela: So you thought you would be like the third wheel? (Sarah nods, her cheeks now are of equal color as her red scarf) Aww… you won’t bother us… Listen, how about an ice cream party this evening like in the old times? (laughing) That is- a week before.
    Sarah: I don’t know…
    Angela: Come on! It will be fun (poking Henry with her elbow) Right, Henry? Tell her!
    Henry: (like just awoken from a dream) Yea, Sarah… I really miss you… You must save me from this girl! She has made me watch some kind of soap- operas all this time!
    Angela: (tickling Henry a bit, making him but to smile) Henry! Stop that! We watched your stupid “Kingdom” just yesterday!
    Sarah: (laughing) Ok, you’ve convinced me, lets make a movie evening today…
    Angela: Great, then lets drink these things and go shopping!
    Henry: Not shopping again!

    In the evening. A small flat. Living room, with a large couch, two arm chairs, settled around a small wooden table in front of a TV, joined with the kitchen (it is only divided from the living room by an elevation), you can see a little hallway with two three doors- two to bedrooms and one to a bathroom. Henry is sitting on the couch, Sarah is sitting on one of the armchairs while Angela is in the kitchen.
    Angela: Who had the caramel ice cream?
    Sarah: Mine!
    Angela: (moving towards the couch with three large ice cream packs) Ok, I had chocolate ice cream and that leaves Henry with vanilla.
    Henry: What?! You know I hate vanilla!
    Angela: (hands Sarah and Henry their ice creams) That’s what you get when you don’t come shopping with me!
    Henry: (unwillingly accepting the ice cream) You always have to have it your way, don’t you?
    Sarah: (hading Henry her ice cream) You can have mine, I’m fine with vanilla.
    Henry: (thinks a bit then changes ice creams) Thank You.
    Angela: Ahh! Sarah! How could you spoil my evil plan! (laughs)

    The room turns into silence as the movie starts. The movie is “Elizabeth” it’s quite interesting for all of them, but still Henry and Angela manage to forget themselves and soon are kissing passionately. After a while Sarah leaves the room quietly.


    After a few days. The stairway, stairs leading up and sown, four rooms on each resting place of the stairs. Sarah, struggling with her doors on the second floor. Suddenly, on the fourth floor in the back, Henry appears, getting out of his doors in haste.

    Angela: (shouting from the flat angrily) Where are you going!?
    Henry: (calmly) I’ll come back when you’ve calmed down a bit… You’re talking nonsense again, how long do you think I can stand your nagging?
    Angela: (her voice is now more sorrowful) You’re heartless…
    Henry: So now I’m heartless?! (is about to go in but then his eyes meet Sarah’s eyes and he just shuts the door)

    Sarah and Henry sitting on the roof, swinging their feet over the side. They have been sitting quietly for some time already.

    Sarah: So what is it this time?
    Henry: She’s hanging around with that thing again.
    Sarah: That thing? You mean Bill?
    Henry: Yeah… You know how I despise him. Still she is best friends with him, even after all he’s done…
    Sarah: Why? Why do you despise him so much?
    Henry: (looks around as if checking if no one is spying on them) I think that this time… (looks at Sarah) I fear him. You know how he is…
    Sarah: (smiling) You think he might take her away, do ya? (Henry nods)
    Sarah: (taking Henry by the hand, warmly) Don’t worry, somehow I think that couldn’t happen. She loves you… And she couldn’t be that stupid too… It’ll be alright.


    P.s. Queen of cups means ‘a smart and sensitive woman. Nice brunette with light eyes’ (Divining the future book by Jenni Kosarin).
    ‘Remember that life is about more than your day-to-day job and worries. Don’t get bogged down by trivial or the demands of others.’ (TAROT by Dennis Fairchild)

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  7. #7
    Pro Utilitate Hominum LordCastigator may be famous one day LordCastigator may be famous one day LordCastigator's Avatar
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    Re: Open Your Eyes

    Well, your still going great stuff on here. Sorry I didn't spot it earlier, but lack of virus prevention, only Anti-virus scanning protection means I've become quite skilled at reloading Windows, but held back with surfing the net.

    Might just have to keep an eye on this. Looks like it might be rather interesting. Just hope you have more faith in your skills now...

    The Madman previously known as Daniel219

    Wish I could get on here more often. *Sigh* The down side to night shift...

  8. #8
    Newbie Dandoria may be famous one day Dandoria may be famous one day Dandoria's Avatar
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    Re: Open Your Eyes

    Well, it's a kind of taste... at least it's original do try a play form. You would never see me dare trying it. That is a compliment. On the other hand, it's no longer a story meant to be read. Maybe this would do great if it was performed. Still, I prefer prose. In play form, I'm unable to become one with the main character, to become one with his spirit, to look through his eyes, and that is what I find one of the most important aspects for a story.
    Innovation for everyone or fun for (just?) me: choose for yourself.

    - Darehan ci darevur -

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