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Thread: Shattered (name pending)

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    Newbie Clay Gardell is off to a good start Clay Gardell's Avatar
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    Arrow Shattered (name pending)

    Okay, well I'm 15 and have LOVED manga & anime for the last 8 years. I have drawn it for about 7 now. And here is the summary story I'm working on now.
    ~10 years ago, Clay Gardell's father was killed by none other then Death, himself. Clay charged toward Death demanding his father to be left alone, in return, Death cut Clay with his scythe. "Let this be a lesson boy... those who mess with death... will soon meet their fate." Death breathes heavily " Never forget that..." and with that final sentence he vanished, taking Clay's father's body, and leaving Clay, more dead then alive, lying on the floor.
    10 years later, (Clay is now 15) Clay is a lonely orphan and has been feeling... strange lately. He has loved no one since his father's death except for the very sickley, 6 year old orphan named Elizabeth. "Hey kiddo feeling better?" says Clay, already knowing the answer. Then a low wind flows through the orphanage. "What is this sensation?" Clay mutters under his breath. His hair then grows and eye begins to throb with pain. Lucifer explodes into the orphanage, not for Clay, but for Elizabeth. "Stay behind me!" yells Clay. "It's her time..." says Lucifer, easily throwing Clay from where he stood, and grabs Elizabeth. Screaming and crying, Elizabeth says, "God please save me!!!" Lucifer stared at her coldly and says "Foolish mortal.. can't you see?! I am your god!"~
    That's all I've got so far. I have already illustrated 8pages. My drawing style is a sort of mixture between Shoujo and Occult. So... what do you think? Please reply your opinions. Also, the main charecter's name is Clay Gardell, which means "Human Defender" in the Teutonic language.
    Last edited by Clay Gardell; Mar 04, 2011 at 07:48 PM. Reason: Reworking
    ~"Only a heart can be shattered into so many pieces..."~

  2. #2
    Otaku darkninja is off to a good start darkninja's Avatar
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    Re: Picking up the Pieces

    Quote Originally Posted by Clay Gardell View Post
    Okay, well I'm 15 and have LOVED manga & anime for the last 8 years. I have drawn it for about 7 now. And here is the summary story I'm working on now. ~10 years ago, Clay Gardell's father was killed by none other then Death( the Grim Reaper) himself. Clay charged toward Death demanding his father to be left alone, in return, Death cut Clay with his scythe. "Let this be a lesson boy... those who mess with death... will soon meet their fate." Death breathes heavily " Never forget that..." and with that final sentence he vanished, taking Clay's father's body, and leaving Clay (more dead then alive) lying on the floor. 10 years later, (Clay is now 15) Clay is a lonely orphan and has been feeling... strange lately. He has loved no one since his father's death except for the very sickley, 6 year old orphan named Elizabeth. "Hey kiddo feeling better?" says Clay, already knowing the answer. Then a low wind flows through the orphanage. "What is this sensation?" Clay mutters under his breath. His hair then grows and eye begins to throb with pain. Lucifer (the devil) explodes into the orphanage, not for Clay, but for Elizabeth. "Stay behind me!" yells Clay. Lucifer easily throws Clay from where he stood, and grabs Elizabeth. Screaming and crying, Elizabeth says, "God please save me!!!" Lucifer stared at her coldly and says "Foolish mortal.. can't you see?! I am your God!"~ That's all I've got so far. I have already illustrated 8pages. My drawing style is a sort of mixture between Shoujo and Occult. So... what do you think? Please reply your opinions. Also, the main charecter's name is Clay Gardell, which means "Human Defender" in the Teutonic language.
    Sounds good I'd read it depending if they have funny moments... Hint: Chibi moments

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    Newbie Clay Gardell is off to a good start Clay Gardell's Avatar
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    Re: Picking up the Pieces

    There's always gotta be funny moments, they relieve some of the stressing seriousness.
    ~"Only a heart can be shattered into so many pieces..."~

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    Commander Ham Chiefblackhammer is making a name for themselves Chiefblackhammer is making a name for themselves Chiefblackhammer is making a name for themselves Chiefblackhammer's Avatar
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    Re: Picking up the Pieces

    Is this a fanfic? Or are you trying to get feedback on a manga you are creating? If it is a fanfic I suggest adding a some formatting to make it easier to read and add emphasis.

    Assuming this is just a synopsis, be sure to be vague, people aren't stupid and will typically pick up on things but it is best to make them think.

    Also stay away from "explanations" there is no point in saying Death aka grim reaper, they are synonymous in most cultures and again people aren't stupid.

    Even so normally it is very pertinent to use the terminology most relevant to the culture of those reading the work, such as in japan where Izanami is considered the goddess of death if looking for a specific or if in general Shinigami would be more appropriate.

    The only time in my mind where you would vary from this is in your case where you are using very Christian terminology. Here, death is actually an Angel, referred to the Angel of Death or you could go with one of the 4 horsemen (the pale horse rider) which is death. In either case the angel is controlled by God, something that might not work in your writing.

    The Grim Reaper is not really based on any specific religion as much as it was a notion of what death looked like in the artistic world. With the advent of the great plague in the mid 1600's and people dying left and right artist dealt with the morbidness of death by trying to depict what it looked like. In the earliest depictions he didn't even have a scythe but rather carried other weapons.

    You can still use him but it is better to stick with one ideology. To me it would just be sloppy research by the author otherwise.

    As far as the religious overtones be sure to understand the subtly of the religion. Such as not to confuse the usage of "God" and "god". Using God is reserved only for the specific reference of the Christian God, if someone else refers to themselves as god or to another god..it should always be lower case. This would be very offensive to Christian readers otherwise.

    Maybe post the actual pics of your manga so we can see them?


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    Newbie Clay Gardell is off to a good start Clay Gardell's Avatar
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    Re: Picking up the Pieces

    My Manga is not based on Japanese culture, but a mixture of English, so Izanami would be irrelavent. Death is Death therefore he can be whatever a person imagines him as. From a scythe carrying corpse to a goddess of death. Once I learn to upload to Wii I will Post pictures. It is not explanatory in the manga just here, because in the manga, the pictures explain alot.
    Last edited by Clay Gardell; Feb 27, 2011 at 07:55 PM.
    ~"Only a heart can be shattered into so many pieces..."~

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    Newbie Jacob is off to a good start Jacob's Avatar
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    Re: Picking up the Pieces

    Agreed x3, I wouldn't be able to breath if there were no funny moments in books like these

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