Thread: Short Story "Torn too soon"

WARNING: This might seem really sad!!!!!!

I just got inspiration... after a very long time. So I thought I really, really should write this. And I hope you like this!!!! Please comment and tell me what are the flaws of my writting! Thank you!!!



It was a silver cold December morning, yet, as we were sitting there in the park on the green steel bench, I couldn’t stop thinking ‘bout how I never felt so warm. And no, it was not because of the hot chocolate I held gripped in my both arms, it was because of him…

This was our first date and now, leaning my head on his chest, I just hoped this would be my last first date.

“Are you ok?” he asked suddenly, awakening me from my thoughts.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I answered, smiling widely at his cute face. “Why do you ask?”
“Aren’t you cold?” he asked. I shook my head for an answer.
“That is odd.” he continued, smiling. “You always are cold.”
“No, not today,” I answered and indeed, I didn’t feel cold, even though I couldn’t even move my fingers anymore, I seemed to be burning from inside.

At last we were together. I had longed for this moment for so long and now… it felt so perfect- so wonderful. I cuddled closer to his chest and took a deep breath, absorbing every single molecule of… of him. He smelled so nice- a bit like his washing powder, I just know to say it was Lenor, a bit like himself, which I’d never be able to explain, but I’ll never forget it either, and a bit like the perfume I had given him on his birthday. I had intentionally chosen one that my father used to use. Silly I guess, but I really love that perfume, as well as I love my father… as well as I love him.

“Shall we go?” he asked, again waking me up from my daydreams.
“What? Where? Oh… yea ok,” I answered and stood up.

He took me by the arm and led me through the park. We were supposed to meet my parents today. It might seem odd that it is what we do on our first date. But our relationship had been unordinary all through the time.

I was really worried about this meeting; I didn’t know how my parents would react- what they would think of him.
When we were about to step into the tain, I pulled him back, I thought maybe this should wait, but then I understood that my parents would be even more mad if they found out I have been dating him for a long time, hiding it- who knows they might like him and if not… I didn’t care that much.

I stepped into the train. He had already found a place somehow, sat down and now pulled me to sit in his lap. I couldn’t help not to giggle, understanding that this time it’s not just about saving place on the train, this time it was also to show each other (and the rest of the train) how we love each other. I sat in his lap, kisses his cheek gently and rested my head on his shoulder, with my heart racing fast even though it would still take half an hour for us to get to my home.
I heard his pulse racing fast and I smiled- I just kissed him for the first time. I raised my head and looked in his eyes. He looked back smiling warmly and then… we died.

I remember just a flash of light and it was over. Our love was torn like a bloom just ready to blossom and we died in the arms of that spoiled child called fate, leaving nothing behind (of our love, our dreams, our memories, our hard work) but a whisper in the wind.


P.s. Hmmm.. at the end- I sat those two in the metro and just suddenly remembered of the bombing of Lodnon underground stations in year 2005... So this is kinda insipred by that and is for the memory of that. (lol ^^ only that bombing happened in July )