View Poll Results: Did you like it?

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  • Yeah! I liked it a lot!

    2 40.00%
  • It was ok.......

    2 40.00%
  • Needs a little work.

    1 20.00%
  • I didn't like it. So no way.

    0 0%
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Thread: The story

  1. #1
    「Someone」 Goo Slasher Champion, Fish Kill Champion, Rapid Motion Champion, Cell-Out Champion, Sober Santa 2 Champion, Flower Girl Champion KuwiRules145 is off to a good start KuwiRules145's Avatar
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    The story

    The ground was cover with snow as it views so beautifully. As you hear foots steps walking of a long brown head girl as she stops finely seeing the first snow fall. Her dad watches her as he was a black head man some how looking so young. He was so glad he was seeing her play around but some man had attack with a huge sword falling to her as he yelled:
    "Linda LOOK OUT!!!!!"
    Things went quiet as successfully she was able to survive by a dagger she use to protect herself. She keeps staring at the the first snow landing perfectly on her palm. She quietly said:
    "Excuse me sir. What is it that you desirer?"
    As the man stand behind her with his spiky black hair and bangs replying:
    "Your death or love."
    He raises his sword slowly but Linda remain quiet just watching the snow melt on her Palm. She lowers her dagger saying:
    "If you want my love then stop attacking me and two make sure I do love you too. But if you want me to die then say I love you to me."
    The man looks down silently and gripped his sword harder. He whisper to her so the father wouldn't hear a snitch:
    "But I do love you but you don't love me. Just to tell you, I have erased everyone who knows and even him his memory but luckily he had to surviv but now I need to erased yours and your fathers."
    She came to shock meaning her precious eyes finally went big turning around quickly yelling:
    "NO!!!"
    Her eyes came huger since he just vanish leaving no trace of footprints except where he was standing. She turn her face to her father as whoosh!!!! Thats man came attacking him. Linda ran to her father as "SLASH SLASH" came from the sword! Luckily able to save her father but she was laying bloody on her father. He felt her blood shaking crying his heart so deadly. The man higher his sword to them with his eyes filled with darkness.
    "Now it's your turn."
    He replied as his sword falling down to them but suddenly saved by the bell by a man ,known by the father, had shoved him down. The father looked at him yelling:
    "Thanks for the timing Ken! But Please HURRY!!!! Linda needs support!!!!! She Might DIE!!!!!!!!!"
    "Yes sir mayor! But lets put this man in rest! He has killed more than 100!"
    Ken shouted angry. The man laughed with joy so evilly saying:
    "Well someones getting harshly so quickly. Hahahaahha!!! But it seems I got to go so later."
    A dust of smoke came out of the man as once the filthy smoke vanish there Ken was on a trunk of a tree. Ken got up and kicked the tree furiously flying very far away. The mayor picked up Linda yelling:
    "Who cares if that man ran away! We must hurry to the hospital! She might have her rest to quickly!"
    "Yes sir!"
    (Two years later)
    There lead to the mayor in his seat in a room filled with papers everywhere. He kept his writing until Ken ran in yelling:
    "Your daughters at it again SIR! She went missing! If only she had her memories back seriously!"
    The mayor kept continue his writing as he spoke:
    "Please get her safely ok. And is there any trace of that man."
    "No sorry sir!" No trace of him at all! Sorry sir!"
    "Ok then. Thank you and please get her safely. She doesn't remember anything of the out side world. All she says is Kira or Ki so quickly get her safe."
    "Yes sir!"

    First! I need all you guys opinions if I should continue this so please tell me? If not then it's ok! I will think just think thats all so YEAH!!! I hope you like it!
    「When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead」

  2. #2
    §-Breakdown-§ Breakout Champion, Bubble Popper Champion Akura13 may be famous one day Akura13's Avatar
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    Re: The story

    Awsome!! Totally Love It!!!! This Gets A 5/5!!!!!!



    Phantasmagoria Lives On In The Hearts Of Their Fans, Japanese AND English!
    "Because it's okay to hide your tears." - LM.C (Lovely Mocochang)

  3. #3
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: The story

    Sorry, I had to say that it need a lill bit work... it's ok, the plot is something just great and I really want to know what happens but the way you wrote it... I find it difficult to read it somehow.... Firstly, I know how hard it is to think up names, but you should give the father a name so I wouldn't think "About who is she talking" whenever I read "he" and so. The second thing is just up to training...

    You should continue this story, you become better with each work you write. ^^

    I like the funny ones better but this is good too! ^^

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  4. #4
    「Someone」 Goo Slasher Champion, Fish Kill Champion, Rapid Motion Champion, Cell-Out Champion, Sober Santa 2 Champion, Flower Girl Champion KuwiRules145 is off to a good start KuwiRules145's Avatar
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    Re: The story

    Quote Originally Posted by Akura13 View Post
    Awsome!! Totally Love It!!!! This Gets A 5/5!!!!!!
    Awww..... thank you so much really! I really thank you!


    Quote Originally Posted by Lasura View Post
    Sorry, I had to say that it need a lill bit work... it's ok, the plot is something just great and I really want to know what happens but the way you wrote it... I find it difficult to read it somehow.... Firstly, I know how hard it is to think up names, but you should give the father a name so I wouldn't think "About who is she talking" whenever I read "he" and so. The second thing is just up to training...

    You should continue this story, you become better with each work you write. ^^

    I like the funny ones better but this is good too! ^^
    Oh thank you too for your comment as well an I agree with you! I do need to do better alright so I WILL TRY!!!!!!!!! But thank you!!!!!
    「When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead」

  5. #5
    Newbie Ucaediea is off to a good start Ucaediea's Avatar
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    Re: The story

    I have yet to read the second one, but this one did need a little more work., but over all you got a great story going here. I'm going to go read the second part now^^

  6. #6
    「Someone」 Goo Slasher Champion, Fish Kill Champion, Rapid Motion Champion, Cell-Out Champion, Sober Santa 2 Champion, Flower Girl Champion KuwiRules145 is off to a good start KuwiRules145's Avatar
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    Re: The story

    Quote Originally Posted by Ucaediea View Post
    I have yet to read the second one, but this one did need a little more work., but over all you got a great story going here. I'm going to go read the second part now^^

    Ok then!!!!! I will try better I know that!!!! Oh and thank you as well!!!!
    「When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead」

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