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Thread: Vampire high

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    Newbie wolfgurl724 is off to a good start wolfgurl724's Avatar
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    Talking Vampire high

    I don't know how good i am going to be at this so i will just post something short at first


    A young girl with jet black hair and lime green eyes sat underneath the old willow tree. A sketchbook was placed open in her lap. A slight breeze blew and her jet black hair blew with it. Rika closed her eyes and rested her head against the old willow tree which sat on the grounds of Vampire High. No one ever really talked to Rika. Rika thought maybe it was the way she dressed or that they knew she was a vampire. Rika started to doze off and her sketchbook remained open in her lap.

    well tell me what you think and i just might post more ^_^
    happy reading,
    Misty

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    Ever So Awesome Kaboom Champion, Archery Champion, Crazy Pool 2 Champion, Ninja-Boy Champion, Bubble Shooter Champion zyta may be famous one day zyta may be famous one day zyta's Avatar
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    Re: Vampire high

    Short, really plain and doesn't catch my interest. The writing style is choppy to be honest, the sentences are not expanded upon at all. Asuming from the name "Vampire High" i'd have thought everyone in the school was a vampire, but:

    Rika thought maybe it was the way she dressed or that they knew she was a vampire.
    tells me otherswise. IS this a school for vampires, if not, why is she there?

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    Newbie May_Bloodrose_Pagan is off to a good start May_Bloodrose_Pagan's Avatar
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    Re: Vampire high

    It's short, very short. doesn't have much detail. I assumed that it was a highschool for vamires, like Vampire Academy(good book), but to have only one vampire in a "Vampire High" doesn't really make sense. try writing more to it and if it's going to be 1 vampire in a school of mortals then you should adjust the title to fit that, that will also catch peoples attention.

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    Newbie Anime Finatic 95 is off to a good start Anime Finatic 95's Avatar
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    Re: Vampire high

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfgurl724 View Post
    I don't know how good i am going to be at this so i will just post something short at first


    A young girl with jet black hair and lime green eyes sat underneath the old willow tree. A sketchbook was placed open in her lap. A slight breeze blew and her jet black hair blew with it. Rika closed her eyes and rested her head against the old willow tree which sat on the grounds of Vampire High. No one ever really talked to Rika. Rika thought maybe it was the way she dressed or that they knew she was a vampire. Rika started to doze off and her sketchbook remained open in her lap.

    well tell me what you think and i just might post more ^_^
    happy reading,
    Misty
    needs more detail like her face was she chubby,did she have high cheekbones and more setting detail

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    Newbie wolfgurl724 is off to a good start wolfgurl724's Avatar
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    Re: Vampire high

    yes i know i just wanted to see how people would respond fisrt then i would rewrite it and make it better ^-^ yes its a vampire school

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    Newbie Anime Finatic 95 is off to a good start Anime Finatic 95's Avatar
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    Re: Vampire high

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfgurl724 View Post
    yes i know i just wanted to see how people would respond fisrt then i would rewrite it and make it better ^-^ yes its a vampire school
    its cool i was just giving you some pointers it can be very good

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