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Thread: A vampire story...

  1. #17
    Newbie Lady Asphyxia is off to a good start Lady Asphyxia's Avatar
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    Re: A vampire story...

    No problems, you deserve every ounce of praise with your creation. You have a lot of talent with grasping the scenery and feelings. No pressure though, but (holds knife)...when is the next one coming (lol j/k). But really, I can't wait til' the next.
    ~Obviously you can't chat about anything...even if you explain yourself~

  2. #18
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: A vampire story...

    I have a lot of ideas... But I think the continuation of the Vampire story might come in the next week (if I have inspiration and am able to put myself to work ) And thank you again!!

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  3. #19
    Pro Utilitate Hominum LordCastigator may be famous one day LordCastigator may be famous one day LordCastigator's Avatar
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    Re: A vampire story...

    I was wondering if you'd post the next part on her or on another thread. In fact, that's what I was looking in here to do.

    I like how you've rewritten the first part. It works just as well, yet in different ways. And as for that hunter, obviously someone's been emotionally scarred & out for vengance, no matter what. Intentionally wounding an innocent... I guess he paid for it though.

    Great work with the story. I rather enjoyed it. It looks like you did manage to put that action in without spoiling it. Nicely done.
    The Madman previously known as Daniel219

    Wish I could get on here more often. *Sigh* The down side to night shift...

  4. #20
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: A vampire story...

    Quote Originally Posted by Daniel219 View Post
    I was wondering if you'd post the next part on her or on another thread. In fact, that's what I was looking in here to do.

    I like how you've rewritten the first part. It works just as well, yet in different ways. And as for that hunter, obviously someone's been emotionally scarred & out for vengance, no matter what. Intentionally wounding an innocent... I guess he paid for it though.

    Great work with the story. I rather enjoyed it. It looks like you did manage to put that action in without spoiling it. Nicely done.
    Thank you very much Daniel!!!! I'm really happy you liked it!!!
    I'm thinking about another part...
    What about the things you didn't like?

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  5. #21
    Pro Utilitate Hominum LordCastigator may be famous one day LordCastigator may be famous one day LordCastigator's Avatar
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    Re: A vampire story...

    Your not one of those people who beat themselve up looking for mistakes, are you? I don't know about you, but I must say I like what you've done here. I think I'll leave the nitpicking, if any, to others. Keep up the good work.
    The Madman previously known as Daniel219

    Wish I could get on here more often. *Sigh* The down side to night shift...

  6. #22
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: A vampire story...

    Quote Originally Posted by Daniel219 View Post
    Your not one of those people who beat themselve up looking for mistakes, are you? I don't know about you, but I must say I like what you've done here. I think I'll leave the nitpicking, if any, to others. Keep up the good work.
    Thank you agin Daniel!
    The thing is that I ussualy do beat myselve up looking for mistakes and in the end I figure out that it's all bad and just stop writting thinkin than I have to learn to writte to finnish this work...
    And the worst thing is that it's hard for me to rate the plot...

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  7. #23
    Newbie Max Kazune is off to a good start Max Kazune's Avatar
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    Re: A vampire story...

    heyy ! whyed you end it was startig to get MORE interesting lol i think you should write i really like it

  8. #24
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: A vampire story...

    Ok, it's one o'clock in the morning and I've already finnished the third part... This is a little bit different but these changes were needed. I hope you like it and have fun reading it...

    A new night was here. A young man got out of his house and took a look around. Everything was quiet but Gabriel had a feeling that a fun night was in front of him... He was dressed in black, he had a long black leather jacket, no shirt and black jeans and he had a kerchief tied over his face, so that only his dark eyes could be seen. He got on his motorbike. The windows of the houses around trembled as he started the motor, two other motorcyclists joined him as he did that, they were dressed in black too and they had hidden their faces also. They didn’t speak a word, they just road off into the darkness in great speed.
    The roars of their motorcycles were the only sound that disturbed the quiet sleep of this small town. Gabriel pushed a button and a screen with a map of the town appeared, he took a look at it and suddenly turned right, his pals followed him… Here he raised his hand and they all stopped. Now only the peeping of the device on Gabriel’s motorbike broke through the darkness.
    “It’s really close,” he said, looking around carefully. Suddenly he pulled his gun out and shot at something above them. A woman’s body appeared on the top of a roof. She was dressed in blue, she had skirts that seemed to be made of only strips of clothe, a sleeveless shirt, she had no shoes, but around her feet she had bands, from the tips of her toes till her knees. Only for a minute did she look down on them, the next moment she jumped, wings appeared on her back and she was flying straight towards on of the guys. He however reacted quickly, pulled out his gun and shot at her; she avoided the bullet, hissed angrily and suddenly flew away, the motorcyclists followed her.
    Suddenly one of the motorcyclists was hit to the ground from aside. Another woman appeared, she was dressed just like the first one only her clothes were bloody red. She landed on the ground and approached the guy, she had just attacked, slowly, laughing as he tried to get the motorbike from his feet.
    “Sorry to break in but I couldn’t leave all the fun to her,” smiling she said, now leaning on the guy. He tried to get his knife, but she noticed that and grabbed his hand.
    “No weapons!” she said. “No weapons when a lady is near.”
    And as she said these words, she slowly squeezed his hand, causing more and more pain, till she felt his bones break. He moaned from the pain, but at the same moment he had got to his gun and shot at her, but the bullet hit her hand and that was as good as not hitting at all.
    “You really don’t know how to treat a lady!” she screamed in anger as she pierced his hand, nailing it to the ground, with his own dagger. He held the pain inside of him and just looked at her with a killing look.
    “You’re no fun at all!” she said, hitting her hand at his chest. He coughed out blood and tried to catch his breath as he felt his ribs piercing his lungs. She looked at him with a smile, it seemed she enjoyed this.
    “Vampire-hunters…” she said scornfully and flew off.
    At the same time the other two continued their chase, they followed the vampire over a corner and there she suddenly disappeared. They continued driving on, trying to understand where she had gone, when suddenly she appeared again, seized the vampire-hunter and raised him up. His motorbike crashed into a garbage bin and exploded. Gabriel stopped and tried to shoot the vampire before it was too late, but he couldn’t hit her.
    “We were going to a party and you tree spoiled it all…” she said when rising him up, and then she stopped, kissed him and let him go. He fell into a basin that was on one of the roofs.
    “You lucky bastard…” she said to herself and flew off again. She and her girlfriend met not far away and waited for Gabriel, he found them quickly. They both flew right at him, he pulled out his gun, with no feeling, no threat of fear, in his eyes and shot three times at them. He hit the blue vampires’ wing and she fell to the ground, but the other girl got to him and landed behind him on his bike and wrapped her hands around him, strangling him a little bit.
    “Two of your boyfriends are down, one of them is probably dead by now,” she said with mockery in her voice, “you can’t do anything about it, you can’t even have your revenge. How do you feel about that vampire-hunter? Even I had the chance to revenge…”
    When she said that she pulled out Gabriels’ knife and pushed it into the wheel, and flew away quickly. Gabriel fell and slid quite a way still. When he stopped, he couldn’t feel his left leg, but the rest of his body hurt like hell, for he was covered in wounds.
    He saw the two vampires flying away and at this moment he promised that that vampire will die.
    Last edited by Lasura; Apr 30, 2007 at 02:36 AM.

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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