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Thread: Wings

  1. #17
    Ever So Awesome Kaboom Champion, Archery Champion, Crazy Pool 2 Champion, Ninja-Boy Champion, Bubble Shooter Champion zyta may be famous one day zyta may be famous one day zyta's Avatar
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    Re: Wings

    ^^\ too me it sounds too cliche, too good versus evil. basically the idea is straightforward and somewhat boring to me. Chapter took 30 seconds to read, if that. If this was uploaded to Fanfiction i would have turned away right there. You need more description and more solid chapters. Any story can have dialogue, and any story can have description. an excellent story knows when to use both simultaneously. I'm not trying to be a harda$$, if you are serious about taking this story further and giving the readers more enjoyment, please put more thought into it and actually write the thing. By write, i mean give them more action, a setting, time, place, show that the characters are alive before racing through the Fanfic. There's hardly any enjoyment to that.

    Answer me this: What makes your Fanfic different from anyone elses? Why would motivate me to read yours over others, what is the perfect blend of yours that everyone else doesn't have?

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    Randomly Renny!!! XD Boiler Breakdown Champion, Lotads Lament Champion, Crystal Island Champion, Festive Fallout Champion Renn may be famous one day Renn's Avatar
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    Re: Wings

    yeah thanks for the advice zyta...yeah its just that i can't work on this sorry and the other story the song at the same time...and when i write this its kinda hard but i will try to be more...hard-working at this story!!

    'This world is trash. Cursed by the Fon Master...'

  3. #19
    Otaku Blackbird is off to a good start Blackbird's Avatar
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    Re: Wings

    Well this is just a orginal, if you can name your characters and give me more info about it. But keep you good working. :P

  4. #20
    Decapitation?DontBePicky! Raimann may be famous one day Raimann may be famous one day Raimann's Avatar
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    Re: Wings

    sounds good and so far its a great read, but the problem is that there have been so many ideas like this that people might blame u for stealing. try taking the characters on some new twists that will surprise the reader, but so far, great job.

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  5. #21
    Abomination Smacky Champion, Celebrity Power Lifte Champion, Crash Test Dummy High Jump Champion, Super Track 2001 Champion, Endless Flight Champion, Drop Kick Champion, Bloody Rage Champion, Dropkick The Faint Champion, Splash Back Champion Spin Da Ish is off to a good start Spin Da Ish's Avatar
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    Re: Wings

    Ahh, the olde heroes journey idea. Learned about this type of stories in English class. Nice start and unique names. I liek it but yea just as Raimann stated, it is sort of... used upalready but a dialouge form would be much more interesting. that woudl mean having a play or a movie! more visual. Me i'm sticking with drawing, so much easier

  6. #22
    Randomly Renny!!! XD Boiler Breakdown Champion, Lotads Lament Champion, Crystal Island Champion, Festive Fallout Champion Renn may be famous one day Renn's Avatar
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    Re: Wings

    lol well i'll try....

    Trinity continues to stare out the window.Then there is a knock at the door.

    "Come in."

    The door opens and her friend Raven comes in.

    "Good morning, Trinity."says Raven.

    "Good Morning."

    "I thought i come and wake you up,"says Raven "but i see you are already awake."

    Trinity smiles."Yeah.I had a strange dream. "

    Raven is silent. Trinity was used to this. Raven really didn't like to discuss things.

    "Lets go. We don't want to be late for class." Raven leaves the room.

    Trinity sighs


    Trinity and Raven walk to school.

    "So, what was your dream about?"asks Raven

    "Huh??"Trinity wasn't expecting her to ask that.

    Raven is quiet,waiting for an answer.

    "Well what would you say if your dream basiclly told you to go on
    a journay."says Trinity

    "Your dream told you this?"

    "Kinda."admits Trinity

    Raven nod her head."then you should go."

    "Really?" asks Trinity

    "Yeah.If you don't you might regret it."

    There she goes again.thought Trinity

    "So when are you going?"

    "I don't know."says Trinity."Where would i go first?"

    "Why don't you go to Metaka,the Sun city."answers Raven

    "Yeah that is closest to own fair town of Celis."Trinity winks at Raven

    They both laugh.


    Well i ahve been working on this story but next post will be about the characters so some people will think i didn't steal their ideas...so next will be Character's bio!!!!

    'This world is trash. Cursed by the Fon Master...'

  7. #23
    God Of Angelz Submarine Champion, Rocket Racer MX Champion, Pencak Champion, Grand Prix Challenge 2 Champion, Twelve Swap Champion, Penguin Pass Champion, Crab Volleyball Champion, Hockey Shooter Champion, Trick Master Funky Champion, Mah-Jong Connect Champion, W.R.A.X. Champion dark1angel may be famous one day dark1angel's Avatar
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    Re: Wings

    Wow this is really interesting it really got my attention for me to keep on reading over and over this should be a perfect story of fantasy for me i give this a good critique and i consider it valuable please do keep on working on it.

    I wish to see more of your interesting stories you may have in the future. ^_^

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  8. #24
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Wings

    Ahhh... nice ^^ I like this and I hope to see more. I like the way you write quite well, you're doing a nice work and I can't wait untill the action beggins

    And character description is nice... I never get to do it- too lazy

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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