Collaboration w/ Beast. :D

starfire1036 · Aug 23, 2009, 02:02 AM

SEVERITY

In the wake of new thunder
a heart's left a blaze.
Her mind he has gone to plunder
and her body he has put in its grave.

A head on a table
cut open and raw.
His hand set sturdy and stable
and a blade he will draw.

Refusing to see what he's done
Tears flow from each eye
Arms open, she starts to run.
For she must still love this guy.

For illusions she loved
Denial blinds; she goes forward.
into chaos she was shoved
Stabbing herself on his stealth sword.

A killing spree has been started
and the bodies are piling up.
He cuts her open
and her blood drips into his coffee cup.

She is bound to the table,
her fingers and toes still flailing.
He is dissecting her
as she is still wailing.

Great work BEAST lol out masterpiece is a success

Chiefblackhammer · Aug 23, 2009, 01:49 PM

I suggest using spell check, you have 2 misspelled words.

SEVARITY should be Severity

disecting should be dissecting

Also:
and her body he has put in it's grave.

the it's should be "its"

starfire1036 · Aug 23, 2009, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiefblackhammer

I suggest using spell check, you have 2 misspelled words.

SEVARITY should be Severity

disecting should be dissecting

Also:
and her body he has put in it's grave.

the it's should be "its"

so harsh... haha changes made... you could have said if you liked it or not.

Aug 23, 2009, 02:02 AM	#1 (permalink)
starfire1036 Otaku Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 282 Thanks: 51 Thanked 34 Times in 32 Posts	Collaboration w/ Beast. :D SEVERITY In the wake of new thunder a heart's left a blaze. Her mind he has gone to plunder and her body he has put in its grave. A head on a table cut open and raw. His hand set sturdy and stable and a blade he will draw. Refusing to see what he's done Tears flow from each eye Arms open, she starts to run. For she must still love this guy. For illusions she loved Denial blinds; she goes forward. into chaos she was shoved Stabbing herself on his stealth sword. A killing spree has been started and the bodies are piling up. He cuts her open and her blood drips into his coffee cup. She is bound to the table, her fingers and toes still flailing. He is dissecting her as she is still wailing. Great work BEAST lol out masterpiece is a success __________________ Last edited by starfire1036; Aug 23, 2009 at 02:45 PM.
Status: Offline

Aug 23, 2009, 01:49 PM	#2 (permalink)
Chiefblackhammer Commander Ham Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Winston Salem, NC Posts: 1,833 Thanks: 4 Thanked 58 Times in 52 Posts	Re: Collaboration w/ Beast. :D I suggest using spell check, you have 2 misspelled words. SEVARITY should be Severity disecting should be dissecting Also: and her body he has put in it's grave. the it's should be "its" __________________ Hammer's Poetry RPGs - BLOGs - GALLERY - FORUMs - CONTESTs
Status: Offline

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
September POTM - Collaboration	Chiefblackhammer	POTM (Poem of the Month)	28	Nov 14, 2009 08:13 AM
Collaboration With XelhesW	Xelhes	GFX Battles	23	Oct 16, 2007 07:32 PM
The Beast	Seirika	Poems	3	Jul 28, 2007 05:31 AM
Inner beast	elie26	Poems	7	Apr 22, 2006 10:42 PM

Welcome to AnimeOnline.net, your personal Anime Community!	Anime Online Rulez!