Closed Thread
Results 1 to 2 of 2

Thread: My song (revised)

  1. #1
    Fallen Angel PhoenixSara may be famous one day PhoenixSara's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    I am in between Heaven's Gate and Hell.Angels are not supposed to fall but i did.
    Posts
    1,041
    Thanks
    42
    Thanked 59 Times in 55 Posts

    My song (revised)

    The song in my heart
    makes want to leap for joy.
    it reminds me of days
    when everything was alive

    but now regret fills me
    i never got to say how i felt
    how much i long to hold you.

    Memories haunt me
    your laughter still lingers,
    your touch still burns.

    how i should have said i loved you dearly.
    now i know that i can never say the words.
    Now i know you not be mine.

    How can i loose someone
    who was never truly mine?
    How can i love someone
    who doesn't give me the date or time?

    Call me a fool , call me naive
    Yet this song continues to say
    I love you in the most unconditonal way.
    Last edited by PhoenixSara; Jun 11, 2008 at 04:52 AM. Reason: edit post
    "In your arms is where i will be, I love you till my forever ends."
    Clan Rainstorm 2nd Company, Kunoichi Leader
    PhoenixSara FB / Click Me IMVU/Atlantis RPG/Rules and FAQ/MY BLOG /

  2. #2
    Banned The White Wolf is off to a good start
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    2,554
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked 13 Times in 11 Posts

    Re: My song (revised)

    Nice poem, however editing and revising can come handy someday!

    The song in my heart
    makes me want to leap for joy.
    it reminds me of days
    when everything was alive
    How can i loose someone
    who wws never truly mine?
    How can i love someone
    who doen's ? give me the date or time?
    And* "i" is usually capitalized, but that's your decision to make.

    Hope this helps! Next time revise your poem before submitting, it will make reading it all the more enjoyable! And that is a good thing .

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to The White Wolf For This Useful Post:

    PhoenixSara (Jun 11, 2008)

Closed Thread

Similar Threads

  1. Unrequited (unrequittal revised)
    By Corvus in forum Poems
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: May 02, 2008, 05:21 AM
  2. Waves Crashing Upon The Shore (Revised)
    By Joe Mage in forum Poems
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: Sep 18, 2007, 07:55 AM
  3. Your Guardian Angel(revised)
    By SousukeSagara in forum Poems
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: Aug 15, 2007, 07:14 PM
  4. Romio and Juliet revised!
    By HolderOfTheDarkChalice in forum Poems
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: Jun 09, 2006, 01:28 PM
  5. Song: My love my 2nd song.
    By viper11025 in forum Poems
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: Jun 01, 2006, 05:08 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts