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divine_punishment (Apr 05, 2008)
Oh, dear Mister Fridge
[Again, you have crossed me.]
"Come in," he says,
"The food is fine!
The cakes and pies won't hurt a bit!"
"No," I reply,
"You tell me lies!
They'll plump my rump! My pants won't fit!"
"I promise," says
My icebox friend.
"It's just delicious, harmless fun!
"We mean no ills
To your rear end.
Come on, now, try a cinnabun!"
And every year,
We go through this.
And every year, it ends the same.
With fifty pounds
In weight, excess,
Because desserts call out my name!
Decieve me, does
The Frigidaire;
"I KNOW what's good for you," says he.
Deep down, I know
He doesn't care...
He only wants to laugh at me.
Last edited by kyzr; Mar 24, 2008 at 02:43 PM. Reason: Capitalization.
[Draw me a sheep!]
divine_punishment (Apr 05, 2008)
ahah this is truly beautiful^^ I'm glad that it was put in potm or else my life wouldn't have had this enjoyable moment ^^ thankyou kyzr for being so good and to whoever put it here as well ^^ As for the critical element you hold to your rhythm very well and use it effectively.
kyzr (Apr 01, 2008)
Very good. I liked it. It actually made me laugh a little as I read it. Very dialougistic. . .
A big thanks to Renn for the sig! THANK YOU!
kyzr (Apr 01, 2008)
ROFLMAO! Man... I was going to submit an entry. But I don't know if I even WANT to compete with this. This is fantastic! I ought to print it. In big, bold font... and, stick it on my fridge. I certainly can relate. Damn those goodie filled refridgerators, and those with high metabolisms.. (Those people can laugh at the fridge).
... Not Ever Again...
kyzr (Apr 01, 2008)
Thanks much, all!
See, I went through the entries, and was annoyed that they were all about love [at the time]. So, I just wondered what other sorts of betrayal there could be...
And I'm sorry to say, I am one of those people with wicked high metabolisms :S but I'm glad YOU got something out of it, Peach. [Just give me a few years, here. XD]
[Draw me a sheep!]
wow.........I have to say that in all my life reading poetry...this is probably the most humorous poem I have ever read...and the fact that it is so true...makes it even more unique and stand out from the rest....
the rhythm could have been a little bit better and the transitions from one couplet to another were a little bit rough in my opinion..
but over all...this is an excellent poem.
DO NOT MAKE ME UNLEASH MY INNER DEMON
kyzr (Apr 06, 2008)
So accurate! So incredibly accurate. Kudos to you my friend.
I am currently battling my parents' refrigerator, exceptionally glad I'm not at my apartment (because I have ice cream there and darned if I don't want it).
kyzr (Apr 06, 2008)
Love the idea. Just love it. Refreshing, especially when most betrayal poems are about love... Which I'm not saying love is a bad subject, but come on, evil fridges are way cooler, right? Structure is nice, loved the little rhyming stuffs, how the words fit together, the images...
GALERIE : Limited Internet access for certain reasons...
kyzr (Apr 06, 2008)
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