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Thread: Phantom Wings {12/13}

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    Banned Big Bird Hunting Champion, Magic Ball Champion, Buzzer Champion, Book Worm Champion, Dragonfly Champion, Add It Up Champion, Trivial Blitz 2 Champion KimiFemi is off to a good start KimiFemi's Avatar
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    Phantom Wings {12/13}

    Ok. So I've gotten a gentle "push" back in the right direction and I have decided to post this poem again. This time I'm going to leave it up. >.< lol

    I feel the pull of the sky.
    It calls out my name.
    Like a sweet whisper on the wind,
    It lures me away.

    First my gaze slips.
    Then my thoughts stray.
    A smile crosses my face,
    As the breeze turns my way.

    Though the air is cool
    The sun warms me,
    Like a lovers embrace.
    Soon every thing else fades away.

    Feet at the edge,
    I can almost feel it.
    Just out of reach,
    The uncontrolable joy
    Brought on by letting go
    And leaving your fate in the hands of the sky.

    Reaching out,
    I feel the ready tug of the wind grip my fingers.
    I jump.
    Unburdend and free,
    I let the breeze guide me.
    The simple joy of it all wraps around me,
    Like Phantom Wings,
    Drawing me deeper into the sky.
    Last edited by KimiFemi; Dec 14, 2007 at 06:11 PM.

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    Legendary Otaku divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment's Avatar
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    Re: Phantom Wings {12/13}

    Yay! You wrote a poem!!

    I loved the second stanza! I like the way the structure dissolves as you "let go." (I don't know if you planned it that way, but it works.)

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    Banned Big Bird Hunting Champion, Magic Ball Champion, Buzzer Champion, Book Worm Champion, Dragonfly Champion, Add It Up Champion, Trivial Blitz 2 Champion KimiFemi is off to a good start KimiFemi's Avatar
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    Re: Phantom Wings {12/13}

    Yay! You wrote a comment! lol

    Thanks, but no I didn't intend anything for this poem I just wrote what came to my mind. I set them (my poems) up automatically and sometimes it's good and sometimes it sounds like poop lol.

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    Re: Phantom Wings {12/13}

    The poem had some really good descriptions in it and a couple of similes that were nice. It was a nice read throughout the whole thing, so good job.
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    Banned Big Bird Hunting Champion, Magic Ball Champion, Buzzer Champion, Book Worm Champion, Dragonfly Champion, Add It Up Champion, Trivial Blitz 2 Champion KimiFemi is off to a good start KimiFemi's Avatar
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    Re: Phantom Wings {12/13}

    Thanks Deo >.< I'm glad you liked it. lol
    But I'm even more happy about this month being freestyle. Hahah!

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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Phantom Wings {12/13}

    Wow Kimi, I see you let you mind wonder as it found the right words for this poem! The end rhyme at the beginning of the poem was wonderful, but towards the end you started to flow into free verse style poetry and in this particular poem it work out great! So whoever or whatever that push was I'm glad it got you in the right direction to allow us to read this! Wonderful Job!

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    !KimiFemi (Dec 31, 2007)

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