Phantom Wings {12/13}

KimiFemi · Dec 13, 2007, 06:18 PM

Ok. So I've gotten a gentle "push" back in the right direction and I have decided to post this poem again. This time I'm going to leave it up. >.< lol

I feel the pull of the sky.
It calls out my name.
Like a sweet whisper on the wind,
It lures me away.

First my gaze slips.
Then my thoughts stray.
A smile crosses my face,
As the breeze turns my way.

Though the air is cool
The sun warms me,
Like a lovers embrace.
Soon every thing else fades away.

Feet at the edge,
I can almost feel it.
Just out of reach,
The uncontrolable joy
Brought on by letting go
And leaving your fate in the hands of the sky.

Reaching out,
I feel the ready tug of the wind grip my fingers.
I jump.
Unburdend and free,
I let the breeze guide me.
The simple joy of it all wraps around me,
Like Phantom Wings,
Drawing me deeper into the sky.

*divine_punishment* · Dec 13, 2007, 07:58 PM

Yay! You wrote a poem!!

I loved the second stanza! I like the way the structure dissolves as you "let go." (I don't know if you planned it that way, but it works.)

KimiFemi · Dec 13, 2007, 08:15 PM

Yay! You wrote a comment! lol

Thanks, but no I didn't intend anything for this poem I just wrote what came to my mind. I set them (my poems) up automatically and sometimes it's good and sometimes it sounds like poop lol.

deodaclan18 · Dec 13, 2007, 11:52 PM

The poem had some really good descriptions in it and a couple of similes that were nice. It was a nice read throughout the whole thing, so good job.

KimiFemi · Dec 14, 2007, 05:16 PM

Thanks Deo >.< I'm glad you liked it. lol
But I'm even more happy about this month being freestyle. Hahah!

BlueFox1 · Dec 15, 2007, 02:23 PM

Wow Kimi, I see you let you mind wonder as it found the right words for this poem! The end rhyme at the beginning of the poem was wonderful, but towards the end you started to flow into free verse style poetry and in this particular poem it work out great! So whoever or whatever that push was I'm glad it got you in the right direction to allow us to read this! Wonderful Job!

Dec 13, 2007, 06:18 PM	#1 (permalink)
KimiFemi Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: So many places... I cant remember ... Posts: 476 Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts Credits: 4,564	Phantom Wings {12/13} Ok. So I've gotten a gentle "push" back in the right direction and I have decided to post this poem again. This time I'm going to leave it up. >.< lol I feel the pull of the sky. It calls out my name. Like a sweet whisper on the wind, It lures me away. First my gaze slips. Then my thoughts stray. A smile crosses my face, As the breeze turns my way. Though the air is cool The sun warms me, Like a lovers embrace. Soon every thing else fades away. Feet at the edge, I can almost feel it. Just out of reach, The uncontrolable joy Brought on by letting go And leaving your fate in the hands of the sky. Reaching out, I feel the ready tug of the wind grip my fingers. I jump. Unburdend and free, I let the breeze guide me. The simple joy of it all wraps around me, Like Phantom Wings, Drawing me deeper into the sky. __________________ Secret Love "Love everyone unless they dont love you back" http://z13.invisionfree.com/Deaths_d...ex.php?act=idx Last edited by KimiFemi; Dec 14, 2007 at 05:11 PM.
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Dec 13, 2007, 07:58 PM	#2 (permalink)
divine_punishment Shining Star Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Good question . . . where am I? Posts: 1,271 Thanks: 22 Thanked 27 Times in 22 Posts Credits: 59,274	Re: Phantom Wings {12/13} Yay! You wrote a poem!! I loved the second stanza! I like the way the structure dissolves as you "let go." (I don't know if you planned it that way, but it works.) __________________ Bite Me!
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Dec 13, 2007, 08:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
KimiFemi Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: So many places... I cant remember ... Posts: 476 Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts Credits: 4,564	Re: Phantom Wings {12/13} Yay! You wrote a comment! lol Thanks, but no I didn't intend anything for this poem I just wrote what came to my mind. I set them (my poems) up automatically and sometimes it's good and sometimes it sounds like poop lol. __________________ Secret Love "Love everyone unless they dont love you back" http://z13.invisionfree.com/Deaths_d...ex.php?act=idx
Status: Offline

Dec 13, 2007, 11:52 PM	#4 (permalink)
deodaclan18 Moderator Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 1,086 Thanks: 5 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts Credits: 3,256	Re: Phantom Wings {12/13} The poem had some really good descriptions in it and a couple of similes that were nice. It was a nice read throughout the whole thing, so good job. __________________
Status: Offline

Dec 14, 2007, 05:16 PM	#5 (permalink)
KimiFemi Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: So many places... I cant remember ... Posts: 476 Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts Credits: 4,564	Re: Phantom Wings {12/13} Thanks Deo >.< I'm glad you liked it. lol But I'm even more happy about this month being freestyle. Hahah! __________________ Secret Love "Love everyone unless they dont love you back" http://z13.invisionfree.com/Deaths_d...ex.php?act=idx
Status: Offline

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Dec 15, 2007, 02:23 PM	#6 (permalink)
BlueFox1 Upcoming Legend Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility Posts: 584 Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 1,176	Re: Phantom Wings {12/13} Wow Kimi, I see you let you mind wonder as it found the right words for this poem! The end rhyme at the beginning of the poem was wonderful, but towards the end you started to flow into free verse style poetry and in this particular poem it work out great! So whoever or whatever that push was I'm glad it got you in the right direction to allow us to read this! Wonderful Job! __________________
Status: Offline

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