POTM Judges' Competition

As a change of pace and a bit of fun, a few of the POTM judges are going to compete against each other and let you decide the winning poem.
The theme was freestyle, and I think we've got a great variety here in terms of subject and structure.

Read over the entries and cast your vote; it's not required that you comment but it would certainly be appreciated, just a quick sentence or two on the entries in general or why a certain poem got your vote. The poll will close in two weeks, and the winner will be announced then.

And without further ado, the poems...


Writer’s Block - Chiefblackhammer

Quote:

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Writer's Block

Wincing from my fall
I stand before this mighty wall

Appearing so contrite and small
I look both ways down the hall

Unsure of which way to flee
As no end can I see

And its heights I cannot scale
For in comparison I do pale

So I look for a door
But no such luck is in store

With my pen in hand I begin to write
Hoping to escape this horrid blight

But I am in this writer’s hell
As my words continue to fail

No emotion expressing
Evermore digressing

Yet I continue in this plight
Praying my words will take flight

But with each that takes sail
They are dashed by heaven’s gale

Still I will not loose this fight
More fervently I begin to write

Hoping this wall will soon crack
And I can find my way back

From in front of this wall that does so mock
This wall, known as my writer’s block.
~BCM~

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Crows - gren

Quote:

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Crows

Whore on concrete
wrist ankle neck to the ground
cheeks red of naturally hot red rouge

black shoe
stilletto pump slungback
hanging bravely on a brave little soldier
of chipped cherry polish.

Hair as dark as loud as proud
as crows
fanning over sidewalk cracks
inching creeping slithering strands
over feet overpassing her broken head.

Now gold now cold now gray
her skin stretched tight
across the bones
blue black purple here scabbed and scarred there.

Ruby satin lovely lace spaghetti straps
falling down
over a soft shoulder a scratched arm
cover her cover her cover
a breast offends, blood is just a shrug.

Overflowing tongue fingers fat sausages
under greasy swollen pressure
fit to burst and spill and feed
eager maggots dancing on her stomach.

Dilated pupils dulled irises
caught stuck lost in that moment
of falling dying breaking losing
nothing which was
everything she had.


The crows eat her eyes.

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Angel - Mechazawa

Quote:

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Angel

A fading light; failing, flickering, fading into the abyss.

Almost turned out by the weight of its own misery.
Empty despair shaped in a grim morbid form, a death-seeker

Nothingness is what he sought, to fade, to vanish, and to never have existed.

His soul and heart wounded, thought by him to be a dead burden.
His only course to numb the pain, isolation from the world, so his light could be forgotten.

Ghosts, the past haunts him, its weight only adds to his burden and he falls.

So close to the end, his eyes tear up thinking about what he planned, still to this day.
As his fall continues toward the end, he hopes to no longer hurt, to burn bright like before.

Escape, a way out from his self imposed sentence in the form of a paranoid girl.

Kindness and understanding is what she gave, things he thought he lost the rights to receive.
She saw him falling and reached out her arms to catch, this one small act gave him hope.

Love, a strange complicated love was born that day, something his dead heart has never known.

A timid crush that at the time could never be, but since has bore sweet gentle fruit,
For this she is known as my Angel, the one I love, the reason I burn bright and strong again.

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Wow, it was tough. I was really torn between Writer's Block and Crows - both were excellent - but I voted for Writer's Block because the metaphor was good and DEFINITELY what I am going through right now. Hahaha, good job, contestants.

:eek:

Wow, gren and Mech really brought it I mean each of them are just so powerful and extremely well written (Hammer hides in shame). I am glad judges don't vote in this one because I don't think I could pick between the two of them. 11's (out of 10) for both of them.

I think readers should be able to read a poem without the author's influence so I won't comment on mine until after the voting. :hattip:

humm... now this was a hard one to chose from, all of them were done very well and each had their own strengths...

Hammer, you have no reason to hide in shame. Yours was a nice image of what happens to alot of us, I liked the way that you expressed your frustration in your writing.

Gren, you have a way of describing things to the readers that at times I really wish that I had. I like the mental images that you give with your work.

Mecha, wow... you are one of those who not only can write very well but also be able to move the reader to feel as you are feeling. I like the fact that you can put alot of emotion into so few words.

Excellent work, all of you. As for who I voted for... haha, well I'll keep that to myself... good luck all of you.

Thanks to all that voted, but it would be really nice to get more votes for this contest, we have plenty of views but no one seems to be able to select the poem they like, and hit the vote button.

It was hard to choose .. but in the end Chief got my vote because i liked the subject the most ...
for Gren's ,i liked the style more than ever but i preferred to choose what poem is talking about as a priority first ,so that's why
and for Mechazawa's and especially those heavy separated words that were used through out the poem ...
All three are great.
Good Luck everyone :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mechazawa

Thanks to all that voted, but it would be really nice to get more votes for this contest, we have plenty of views but no one seems to be able to select the poem they like, and hit the vote button.

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also because everytime you view this page it's also counted.

Writer's Block

This was interesting, the rhymes didn't seem too forceful in the writing and they sometimes really well complimented the poem.

For example:

And its heights I cannot scale
For in comparison I do pale


Furthermore, the short lines seem to describe well enough the theme quite directly, which is good, yet I'm more of a long line lover. The word wall seems to appear quite often. I would have liked it even more if there could have been more variety to describe the word wall.


Crows - gren

This was just hilarious. At first I didn't see a pattern, but as the spaces put parts appart, I found something that slightly made sense. I do say slightly as it barely became clear to me only near the end. What hinted me was this:

eager maggots dancing on her stomach.


There was quite a bit of repetition in the words, but they were there to emphasis quite a bit on the moment. It sometimes felt like thrown out thoughts randomly spurred and at other moments, there was a hidden thread that brought everything together.

The darkness and a feeling of subtlety really got me going for this one.


Angel - Mechazawa

This one is the most complicated of the lot, yet there is quite a bit of images that I can portray if I concentrate hard enough on the lines. It is an evolving poem with a title that makes you better understand the poem once it has been fully read. A form of story with an attempt to show strong emotions is what I get out of this.

Escape

Recieve

Hope

Those are the words that strike mostly to me. I'd say this is overtly complicated and not everyone will read on till the end. But I like complicated things, so it's not so bad ^^




I pick........Gren in this case. It kept my attention the most, was easy to read and crept to me piece by piece in an unexpected way.

Congrats to all and hopefully I'll find inspiration in large quantities soon enough...I hope XD


EDIT: Yay for Gren so far, I seemed to have broken the 3 way tie ^^ I wonder if others will vote or this is the end.

Soldat, that's one of the beautiful things about describing writer's block as the "word wall" it's unimaginative, ominous and lacks variety or description.


CHIEF:
"Writer's block."
The simple unextravagant words, meter and rhymescheme {all of it really} emphasize the simplicity of this emotion. What makes this poem stand out is the corrupting of the rhyme and meter at different parts while keeping it simple and capturing the subtle frustration of the emotion. You don't allow the reader to get comfortable, into a pattern of any sort, causing psychological discomfort..[A+]

GREN:
"Crows"
Gren, yours was distrubing... good, but disturbing... the fact that you poetray (my play on words... ^^) what it's like to be eaten alive... just wow. I agree with your disregard for punctuation. I simply wish that you would have used some punctuation to be nicer to my poor brain which insisted on taking a break somewhere, (enjambment overlaod) and insisted on doing it at an inappropriate place. I had to read you poem a few times before I got it and I think that this is the reason. Although, it does add to the piece, meaning that it's not a fault of yours just a personal complaint. Good work. [A+]

MECH
"Angel"
Machazawa... the heroine is a girl (which when mixed with the image of an angel, and that idea of innocence would be a young girl.) In my opinion, every loli-fan's dream. Further extended through that devious little inuendo at the end (the fruit comment) You probably meant in a more innocent and pure way, as well as allusion to the bible or some relegious doctrine...
Still a beautiful and deep rooted poem. Punctuation would make your thoughts clearer and maybe more choppy which is true to the way a person on the brink of scuicide would think. Short,choppy scentences. Which could then be contrasted with solid compound scentences to reveal that idea of unison and flowing or peaceful thought after being rescued, relief.[A]

My vote is going to Gren. Although, it was tough to decide. This poem was shocking and as previously stated, it stood out. All of these poems really are a cut above the normal posts in this forum. Works of art all around ^^ but I only get one vote so... sorry mech and chief, your poems are still phenomenal and are deserving of awards too but gren takes my vote..

My conclusion... Our judges like messing with people's heads...