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i must say it speaks to me. The idea of two friends looking back at their lives in school, the good and the bad i thought was nice. Not too many people put a negative twist on rememberance. i also liked the transition from then to now.
The days had pass like it was just yesterday
The time we need to seperate our ways
But still we will be freinds forever
And we will live together
I still remember the day we met
All of us in a room that we can't forget
We were shy and afraid to talk
And we glitter when we walk
And trial came to our daily lives
And in a big pool of chaos we dive
Just to repair our broken friendship and then
We did it and preserve until the end
But now we must fullfill our dreams
Across the wasteland and dark realm
But together we will go
To places that we didn't know
I know we really love our peers
For share every joy and fears
That even we succed or we fall
We still had it all
My this poem be a remambrance
And a ticket to the entrance
About our fruitful past
That a magic called "friendship love" we cast
i must say it speaks to me. The idea of two friends looking back at their lives in school, the good and the bad i thought was nice. Not too many people put a negative twist on rememberance. i also liked the transition from then to now.
Last edited by gren; Sep 05, 2008 at 05:50 PM.
Why hello there!
sarcosuchus (Aug 13, 2008)
Very nice reflective piece! It sums up so well the anxiety that comes with moving on to another stage in life.
"And we glitter when we walk"
I don't quite understand this but I love the image.
anywho I'm done talking about your poem now because I have to go to work. It was an enjoyable read though.
... and join my rebellion against time.
sarcosuchus (Aug 13, 2008)
A pretty nice poem, though i felt that u are trying too hard to make it all rhyme, rhyming is a nice thing, but having a complete and easy-to-understand thought allthrough the poem is a more important thing. For example here: "We were shy and afraid to talk
And we glitter when we walk" It hurts my head when i try to understand what you ment when you say "and we glitter when we walk", plus you jump from the past tense to present tense so suddenly. The only reason i can see why you wrote this was to rhyme, and it really bothers me XD
Take this just as a suggestion that you shouldn't try so hard to make it rhyme.
Otherways the poem is rather nice, made me feel warm and fuzzy. And there is a nice story behind it. The rhythm is also pretty nice. And of course the rhyming is continous through the poem, but o still think plot and rhythm is more important.
sarcosuchus (Sep 02, 2008)
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