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Thread: A Soldier's Mind (response to Camouflage)

  1. #1
    Sophist of Satire Exoparadapsyphobia may be famous one day Exoparadapsyphobia may be famous one day Exoparadapsyphobia's Avatar
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    A Soldier's Mind (response to Camouflage)

    This is in response to Camouflage, I really hate to see our enlisted men and women (especially because I am one) criticized for taking up arms to defend our country against a legitimate threat. Conveniently, however, I'd written this poem more than a year ago when I first contemplated enlisting.

    It is, more or less, an expression of what a soldier might think about killing the enemy and the justifications for it. So even though it was not specifically written as a response I feel it fits this situation perfectly.

    I apologize for the explicit language and I really did try to keep it to a minimum, which is why there is only one swear word in the entire poem . I simply used it for effect, as that is commonly the language used during stressful situations like combat.

    A Soldier's Mind

    This isn't personal
    It's just my job
    Just something I signed up for
    So I didn't become a slob

    What I'm doing now
    Isn't up to me
    I hope the country won't
    Throw another 'Nam scene

    The public's jaded eyes
    Miserably fail to realize that
    When the Muslim with the bomb device
    Tries to turn me into bio-dice

    I really have no choice
    But to yell in a conclusive voice
    "Die you mother****er"
    Or he'll prove that I'm a sucker

    In a flash I'll pull the trigger
    And his life will be no more
    His brains are on the carseat
    Now I've proven at my core

    I'm just a guy in the moment
    And that's no wrong doing
    I'm not required to make atonement
    And no one is suing

    So drop your moral queries
    You'll sleep good tonight
    Because I'm over here
    Fighting America's good fight


    PS: Thank you so much to the Judges of last months contest for selecting my poem! It really made my day. Also I just realized I spelt "camouflage" wrong in the title so if a mod would change that for me I would be grateful.
    Last edited by Exoparadapsyphobia; Jun 10, 2008 at 12:51 AM.
    Death is your most loyal companion, for he will never fail you.

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    Banned aceman67 has become well known aceman67 has become well known aceman67 has become well known aceman67's Avatar
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    Re: A Soldier's Mind (response to Camoflage)

    As someone who comes from a military family, I find this horrendously insulting.

    This poem makes soldiers out to be blood thirsty killers. My father was a peacekeeper and a nation builder.

    But, you have a right to your freedom of expression, you know why, because people like the soldiers you wrongfully potrayed in your poem have fought and died for that right.

    --Mod Edit--
    Changed the title

  3. #3
    Sophist of Satire Exoparadapsyphobia may be famous one day Exoparadapsyphobia may be famous one day Exoparadapsyphobia's Avatar
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    Re: A Soldier's Mind (response to Camoflage)

    I find this to be a sad pattern on online forums nowadays; people don't take the time to actually consider in depth the words they have just read before vomitting out a flow of verbiage like a spring of capital truths. It is not that my poem portrays soldiers as blood thirsty killers, on the contray, this is an epic failure on your part to imagine the scene that this poem is portraying, and the mood in which it is portrayed. This is not my blunder, it is yours. And I suggest you re read the poem in order to better understand it in the hopes you might reconsider your harsh, narrow minded words.

    This poem does not apply to all soldiers, at all times, everywhere. It portrays a single soldier, in a single moment, in single action in a very harsh place and time, who is defending himself against the enemy, and then anticipates and makes a retort to potential negative public opinion for what he has done to save himself. Ironic how I should now be defending myself against negative opinion about a soldier defending himself against negative opinion!

    Also ironic is how you try and guilt me with the fact that soldiers are fighting and dying for my right to write, when in fact I'm enlisted in the Army as an 11X Airborne, which is infantry and almost 100% gauranteed to be deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan, or both. So by extention I'll literally be fighting and perhaps dying for the right for rash, narrow minded people like yourself to harshly criticize well meaning poems such as this one, created by a future soldier who intends to defend that right to his fullest ability. Truely ironic.

    Equally as ironic is how I posted this very poem on the official US Army website and received very positive feedback, and yet from you, I recieve a half wit volley of criticism about how grotesquely I've mis portrayed our military when representative[s] of the military approve. Do you pretend to hold a more accurate perspective of them than they do of themselves? Than I do of myself? Your rashness and ignorance are truely astonishing.
    Last edited by Exoparadapsyphobia; Jun 10, 2008 at 11:32 AM.
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    RPG Lord and Master/Poet Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life may be famous one day Soldat of life's Avatar
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    Re: A Soldier's Mind (response to Camouflage)

    Indeed generalising this poem to all military wouldn't give it a good image of any sort, but usually in wars soldiers have no choice to kill or be killed I guess. And not everyone has the same things to do in an army. Some even might never go fight unless their lines are breached by the ennemy (I think). I know that my father was a master corporal that took care mostly of the administration of payrolls and the problems between higher ups and the lower than him. He never did go to a war, but if he did, he would have been someone in the back probably counting numbers of various things and not fighting completely up front.

    I guess everyone in the army has a different job, and this poem portrays probably someone that is up front and has seen too much or been affected by the tension of whatever thing that made him only think this way.

    Oh, Exoparadapsyphobia, it is quite limit the way you expressed your none contentness, though aceman67 did write something that seemed to have disturbed you as a poet and maybe at other levels. I suggest that you both continue through PM's since you have both defended your points. It might turn into a flameware and that is not accepted here on animeonline.
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    Re: A Soldier's Mind (response to Camouflage)

    I have to say that I completely agree with Exo.

    For one thing, the poem itself had some very interesting images (bio-dice) and was very well written.

    Secondly, I don't know how this is in any way insulting to our men and women in the amred forces. Though I'm very against the war in Iraq, I've always supported the troops.

    I think this poem simply described what war is and what the full weight of the actions you have to do as a soldier in the heat of battle. It's a grim reality that only a soldier knows.


    Thanks to _gwenibe_ for this awesome sig!

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    AO #1 (fill in the blank) KungFu Basil Champion, Lost In The Jungle Champion, Heli Attack 2 Champion basilisk888 is off to a good start basilisk888's Avatar
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    Re: A Soldier's Mind (response to Camouflage)

    This context has proven to be harmfull to the people who read so I take it that people do not want to read... mods if you read this I did this purely to not get people madder then they already are...
    Last edited by basilisk888; Jun 16, 2008 at 09:50 AM.
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    Banned The White Wolf is off to a good start
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    Re: A Soldier's Mind (response to Camouflage)

    Quote Originally Posted by basilisk888 View Post
    for one thing.... the format is off (again...) well as the others have said... it sounds like it took you 2 min. to make that poem... it most likely took you longer but it does not seam like it in the context... if I had never seen a poam befor I'm sry but that would be a bad exp... in others words good try but it failed....
    Wow, that's a really rude comment to make to someone who wrote a poem for something they feel so strongly about. And as the title says, it is a response to something else, so it isn't as if the author spent years developing this material.

    And who are you to judge? Criticism and Critique are always welcomed here, but telling someone that their poem seems as though it wasn't even thought through with no reason to back up WHY is just annoying and rude.

    And saying that they "failed" - failed at what? Getting your approval?
    Oh how horrible, I'm sure he's going to go cut himself now.

    By the way, "seam" is spelled seem.

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    Re: A Soldier's Mind (response to Camouflage)

    Quote Originally Posted by basilisk888 View Post
    for one thing.... the format is off (again...) well as the others have said... it sounds like it took you 2 min. to make that poem... it most likely took you longer but it does not seam like it in the context... if I had never seen a poam befor I'm sry but that would be a bad exp... in others words good try but it failed....


    I consider your reply not far away from insulting, and I am giving you a warning for this. Generally comments should be constructive. This means that the author can attempt to build upon your thoughts.

    What you wrote was purely negative and didn't show any room as to how the author could better his product. I don't see what kind of format that the person has to follow so that he fits something that is good. I personally never followed any form and got many praises on this forum and in writer's circles where real poets are published (some even have ficitonal or historic books out in the public, or trying to find a publisher for their work in progress), one even having her poems in the New York Gazette.

    As for time for how long a poem was made, I can sometimes take 2 minutes or 1 hour to make one. It's not the time that really counts in terms of poems, it's the energy and inspiration put into one that counts.

    What do you mean that the poem is not in context, elaborate on this idea, though without saying the negative aspects of his poem, but by giving your own example of something that would be in context.

    What means by ''but it failed...''? Don't try to take things personally from others insulting you and starting to bash them. Just explain your thoughts.


    @The White Wolf: Please calm down.

    To everyone: If people keep insulting each other, I will have to close this thread.
    Quote Originally Posted by Soldat of life View Post
    My favorite philosopher:
    Hassun

    Thanks to Xelhes for this amazing work of art ^.^
    Poetry Corner CLICK HERE IF YOU KNOW ME

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