Thread: Tanka by Lasura- Hope, Rain and Love

Stars shine so bright- far away
I rise up to be closer.

I thought you said you are... 160 cm something in height... wow.. you must be freaking tall

Ohh.. i don't know about the structure much... :/ but... this is nicely written... It's very enjoyable... simple yet deep... hmm... nicely done.. keep it up and good luck

Hmm.. It's a little confusing to me... but other than that i think your structure is right on it and you did a good job. ^_^

Well yea... I tried to follow the rules as I understood them. And I understood that each line should tell about a different image, but together they should make good sence. So I kinda tried. If you don't look at it all together, but just read every line and then think about it a bit, you should see at least some sence in it

@ Ray:
That was in a figurative sence silly!!! ^^ It's like- I have to rise and be strong to get to the stars, get to what I want, see if love is not just an illusuion...
And I thought I did the 5-7-5-7-7 thing @.@ I don't know really, they never made us do it in english so I don't know how to really, I just dealed syllabes from how it sounds, not how it it write. Oh well... if it's wrong I'll lose. So what

Thank You guys for the comments!!!!!!!!!! ^^

Originally Posted by Lasura

Hope
Never be afraid
That god might abandon you;
A valley of pain
Two survivors breaking out,
Hugging closer than ever.

Rain
Nothing but silence.
One single tear drop falling,
The darkness rising-
Rain taking over this world.
Let it wash away your pain.

Love
I feel so in love
Could it be an illusion?
God, can you hear me?
Stars shine so bright- far away
I rise up to be closer.



I hope I am not too late- I get finnished in the last moment, as always. I sure hope I did the structure right
And I hope you people enjoy this ^^

Lasura: Overall the structure of you poem is great in my opinion. It has it's own little flow which also allows the reader to take time and digest each part of the poem. I think you did and awesome job on the simplicity of this poem, so my hats of to you Lasura!