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Thread: Thank You

  1. Dec 27, 2007 10:54 PM #1
    Akura13
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    Thank You

    I promised myself long ago
    That I would never cry again
    Because crying was a weakness
    I couldn't afford to show

    But as you tell me now
    How much you love me
    Saying that you would die for me
    Is making my eyes overflow

    So now, I'm not afraid to cry anymore
    Especially not in front of you
    You've shown me a way
    That I never knew exsisted

    So now I have to say
    As I lay here in your arms
    Thank you for showing me the light
    My one and only love



    Phantasmagoria Lives On In The Hearts Of Their Fans, Japanese AND English!
    "Because it's okay to hide your tears." - LM.C (Lovely Mocochang)
  2. Dec 31, 2007 09:49 AM #2
    divine_punishment
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    Re: Thank You

    Ooh, interesting rhyme scheme. You don't see ABCA often . . . but the last two stanzas are free verse.

    Watch your punctuation; a well-placed period goes a long way.

    It's very beautiful and shows real potential; I hope to see more from you.
  3. Dec 31, 2007 10:58 AM #3
    !The GunGrave of Trigun
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    Re: Thank You

    I thought it was okay because for me it was way to girly but hey thats just me talking okay but keep writing k.
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