Thank You

!Akura13 · Dec 27, 2007, 10:54 PM

I promised myself long ago
That I would never cry again
Because crying was a weakness
I couldn't afford to show

But as you tell me now
How much you love me
Saying that you would die for me
Is making my eyes overflow

So now, I'm not afraid to cry anymore
Especially not in front of you
You've shown me a way
That I never knew exsisted

So now I have to say
As I lay here in your arms
Thank you for showing me the light
My one and only love

*divine_punishment* · Dec 31, 2007, 09:49 AM

Ooh, interesting rhyme scheme. You don't see ABCA often . . . but the last two stanzas are free verse.

Watch your punctuation; a well-placed period goes a long way.

It's very beautiful and shows real potential; I hope to see more from you.

!The GunGrave of Trigun · Dec 31, 2007, 10:58 AM

I thought it was okay because for me it was way to girly but hey thats just me talking okay but keep writing k.

Dec 27, 2007, 10:54 PM	#1 (permalink)
!Akura13 Banned Join Date: May 2007 Location: Wishing to go back to Japan... Posts: 638 Thanks: 9 Thanked 19 Times in 18 Posts Credits: 12,099	Thank You I promised myself long ago That I would never cry again Because crying was a weakness I couldn't afford to show But as you tell me now How much you love me Saying that you would die for me Is making my eyes overflow So now, I'm not afraid to cry anymore Especially not in front of you You've shown me a way That I never knew exsisted So now I have to say As I lay here in your arms Thank you for showing me the light My one and only love
Status: Offline

Dec 31, 2007, 09:49 AM	#2 (permalink)
divine_punishment Shining Star Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Good question . . . where am I? Posts: 1,271 Thanks: 22 Thanked 27 Times in 22 Posts Credits: 59,219	Re: Thank You Ooh, interesting rhyme scheme. You don't see ABCA often . . . but the last two stanzas are free verse. Watch your punctuation; a well-placed period goes a long way. It's very beautiful and shows real potential; I hope to see more from you. __________________ Bite Me!
Status: Offline

Dec 31, 2007, 10:58 AM	#3 (permalink)
!The GunGrave of Trigun Banned Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Hell Posts: 1,099 Thanks: 4 Thanked 23 Times in 22 Posts Credits: 21,401	Re: Thank You I thought it was okay because for me it was way to girly but hey thats just me talking okay but keep writing k.
Status: Offline

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