Trying to Write a Poem

*divine_punishment* · Aug 16, 2007, 10:03 PM

All right . . . love poem, now. What can I say? She is my MUSE. If you don't know who William Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson (*gag*), and e.e. cummings are, do a google search and feel UTTER SHAME! Just kidding. (Most of the poem is modelled after Cummings' revolutionary style; it is a bit different, just to warn you.)

Trying to Write a Poem - for Kelly:

I'm Shakespeare on a good day,
(I'm Dickinson on a bad one),
But one thought of you and suddenly I'm

e.e. cummings

my pencil . . . skittering out of control, graphite
smudges on my thumb
grammar unheeded - a deadly sin in my book

all is
replaced

by the memory of your elusive

smile.

tora_tora_yatta · Aug 16, 2007, 10:50 PM

That was really good divine_punishment!!

*divine_punishment* · Aug 17, 2007, 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tora_tora_yatta

That was really good divine_punishment!!

Thanks. I don't know why I suddenly felt the urge to write like Cummings . . . I mean, I used to correct the grammar in his work.

*RayMe* · Aug 17, 2007, 07:25 AM

wow.. ^^ thats so sweet... (look at me sounding like a girl xD) ^^ nice nice
i like it.. keep up the good work and i wanna see more of urs..

*divine_punishment* · Aug 17, 2007, 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RayMe

wow.. ^^ thats so sweet... (look at me sounding like a girl xD) ^^ nice nice
i like it.. keep up the good work and i wanna see more of urs..

Read "Kelly's Song." I like it better than this one. The grammar is far less unsightly.

FLawEdmiNd · Aug 17, 2007, 10:15 AM

This'd look killer with a picture in it. One of a girl smiling or something, with the words/sentences placed at varied points...

Lovely, lovely!

gren · Aug 17, 2007, 03:06 PM

Since you submitted this one for POTM, I'm going to delete it from the general poetry area. POTM entries are open for comment, so you don't need to post it anywhere else. And just this once, I'll be kind and move your comments as well.

demonoflight · Aug 20, 2007, 09:04 AM

i'm actually used to seeing it, iread all poetry and have an anthology of my own being published so it's not that different, although i prefer the victorian style and acbd format

the poems isn't that bad cheers

*divine_punishment* · Aug 23, 2007, 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by demonoflight

i'm actually used to seeing it, iread all poetry and have an anthology of my own being published so it's not that different, although i prefer the victorian style and acbd format

the poems isn't that bad cheers

I prefer the more traditional style, too. I just woke up in the middle of the night with this in my head and had to get it out.

Aug 16, 2007, 10:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
divine_punishment Shining Star Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Good question . . . where am I? Posts: 1,271 Thanks: 22 Thanked 27 Times in 22 Posts Credits: 59,219	Trying to Write a Poem All right . . . love poem, now. What can I say? She is my MUSE. If you don't know who William Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson (gag), and e.e. cummings are, do a google search and feel UTTER SHAME! Just kidding. (Most of the poem is modelled after Cummings' revolutionary style; it is a bit different, just to warn you.) Trying to Write a Poem - for Kelly: I'm Shakespeare on a good day, (I'm Dickinson on a bad one), But one thought of you and suddenly I'm e.e. cummings my pencil . . . skittering out of control, graphite smudges on my thumb grammar unheeded - a deadly sin in my book all is replaced by the memory of your elusive smile. __________________ Bite Me!
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Aug 16, 2007, 10:50 PM	#2 (permalink)
tora_tora_yatta Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: In the arms of my loved one! Posts: 124 Thanks: 2 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts Credits: 616	Trying to Write a Poem That was really good divine_punishment!! __________________ Made by mi amigo Mveli2
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Aug 17, 2007, 07:25 AM	#4 (permalink)
RayMe 1 )3^^( )N Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Somewhere i would love to leave right now for somewhere better... Posts: 3,589 Thanks: 54 Thanked 26 Times in 23 Posts Credits: 58,560	Re: Trying to Write a Poem wow.. ^^ thats so sweet... (look at me sounding like a girl xD) ^^ nice nice i like it.. keep up the good work and i wanna see more of urs.. __________________ Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!! The best ever Lasura~! >>>myspace<<<
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Aug 17, 2007, 10:15 AM	#6 (permalink)
FLawEdmiNd Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: winnipeg Posts: 444 Thanks: 1 Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts Credits: 7,327	Re: Trying to Write a Poem This'd look killer with a picture in it. One of a girl smiling or something, with the words/sentences placed at varied points... Lovely, lovely! __________________ DO tHE KYO
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Aug 17, 2007, 03:06 PM	#7 (permalink)
gren Knife-chan Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Chicago Posts: 836 Thanks: 0 Thanked 18 Times in 14 Posts Credits: 15,160	Re: Trying to Write a Poem Since you submitted this one for POTM, I'm going to delete it from the general poetry area. POTM entries are open for comment, so you don't need to post it anywhere else. And just this once, I'll be kind and move your comments as well. __________________ Gren's Music sig by zyta Say Hi
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Aug 20, 2007, 09:04 AM	#8 (permalink)
demonoflight Newbie Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: lima, oh Posts: 28 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 78	Re: Trying to Write a Poem i'm actually used to seeing it, iread all poetry and have an anthology of my own being published so it's not that different, although i prefer the victorian style and acbd format the poems isn't that bad cheers __________________ "expect the unexpected, life changes in an instant"
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