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Thread: Until Dawn Comes (Dec. Entry)

  1. #1
    super effective Last Man Standing Champion FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd's Avatar
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    Until Dawn Comes (Dec. Entry)

    Laid his arms before the tombstone,
    And read the message he was shown,
    Felt the bullet push on his head,
    Feeding life to death, erstwhile wed,
    The bride is the groom, received alone.

    Afar, away soldier has flown,
    Leaving the dessert only his moan,
    Soldier's body paints the sand red,
    Until dawn comes.

    His heart is cold, a beatless tone,
    Like so much waste stupidly thrown,
    Soldier dies on the sand unsaid,
    The Iraq sands become dark red,
    War shall sit atop Iraq's throne
    Until dawn comes.

    ---
    Rondeau, which was stupidly hard to write. Free verse is lover.
    Last edited by FLawEdmiNd; Dec 17, 2008 at 09:27 PM.
    the love you withhold is the pain you carry.

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    Otaku Heavenhanced may be famous one day Heavenhanced may be famous one day
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    Re: Until Dawn Comes (Dec. Entry)

    Very sad poem. "Simply amazing", I must say (Hojo...)

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    Child Of God Kiani Haki22 is off to a good start Kiani Haki22's Avatar
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    Re: Until Dawn Comes (Dec. Entry)

    This poem is amazing short and to the point... I love it.. sad but good. Keep on writing your good. Only part that didnt seem to go with the flow of the poem but it fit with just didnt go with the flow cause of the words used is this part

    Leaving the dessert only his moan,
    Soldier's body paints the sand red,
    besides that it was good.

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    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
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    Re: Until Dawn Comes (Dec. Entry)

    Did you personally loose someone in Iraq. If so I am sorry. I certain know how awful it is to bury some of the youngest and finest. Different styles but are poems both make reference to fighting the insurgency.

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