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Thread: Who you can trust...A story of a young girl.

  1. #1
    Àddïctëd tø |ăüghïñg :) Sonny Sunshine Champion, Volcano Champion, Aquarium Sprengischen Champion, Spiderman Web of Words Champion, Look Alive Champion iluvmyloser is off to a good start iluvmyloser's Avatar
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    Who you can trust...A story of a young girl.

    Have you ever heard a girl cry?
    Do you get chills straight down your spine?
    Here is a story of a girl,
    who was betrayed and almost killed.

    Her name was Alyssa, she was nine.
    She held her head up and walked with pride.
    Heading to her boyfriend's house at 10:00
    Not even knowing what was coming ahead.

    She rang the doorbell, heard a noise,
    She ignored it but then heard a strange voice.
    The voice seemed mad, almost with tears,
    As if the girl had no fears.

    She sprung the door open, and to her surprise.
    There was a girl,ready to cry.
    Alyssa, not knowing what to do,
    Ran all the way home, her face pale blue.

    She cried her tears out, for what she had found.
    Her boyfriend and the girl together yelling about.
    She didn't know the story, or the whole truth,
    But she realized, she didn't care too.

    The next morning, Her boyfriend came.
    She answered the door, her heart filled with pain.
    The boyfriend hugged her,
    But she pushed him away.

    The girls name was Crystal, she was going out with him.
    Alyssa ran out of his way, ready to express her pain.
    Crystal opened the door, holding a knife.
    Alyssa backed away, fearing for her life.

    Crystal was her best friend, she had betrayed her trust.
    Alyssa was ready to turn her into dust.
    Crystal held up the knife, she was about to stab,
    The boyfriend came to Alyssa's command.

    Why did he rescue her, you might ask?
    Alyssa was looking at him, showing a command.
    Alyssa's face was red, but she didn't care,
    She threw herself at Crystal ripping some of her hair.

    She then ran home, not knowing what to do.
    Her boyfriend had betrayed her, her "best friend" too.
    That was Alyssa's story, i hope you learned what she tried to prove,
    That you cannot trust anybody in this world..except you..


    ***----------------------------------------------------------***

    Well this is my entry i know you might think it's dumb but i tried^^
    Yeah, Bye.

  2. #2
    Newbie Angel Bre is off to a good start Angel Bre's Avatar
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    Re: Who you can trust...A story of a young girl.

    Wow this is..WOW. I can almost here you TALKING to me. This is so great. It has emotions and very descriptive words. i mean...WOW!!!!!

    Good luck^^ 10/10
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  3. #3
    Àddïctëd tø |ăüghïñg :) Sonny Sunshine Champion, Volcano Champion, Aquarium Sprengischen Champion, Spiderman Web of Words Champion, Look Alive Champion iluvmyloser is off to a good start iluvmyloser's Avatar
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    Re: Who you can trust...A story of a young girl.

    Thank you^^ It's my entry for POTM^^ I didn't really expect this. I guess a break from poems for a while worked. I thank you for your comment^^

    Yeah, Bye.

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    Otaku katsoyori33 is off to a good start katsoyori33's Avatar
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    Re: Who you can trust...A story of a young girl.

    Awesome. It has a strong message behind it. Very emotional! I think this will win!


    Meow. :3

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    Chtonian Slayer Astaroth may be famous one day Astaroth's Avatar
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    Re: Who you can trust...A story of a young girl.

    this is a very good poem...
    you kept the plot of the poem straight and did not wander throughout.
    even though sometime the flow of the rhythm is interfered....as a whole....it is still very well down...
    nice job
    DO NOT MAKE ME UNLEASH MY INNER DEMON

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Astaroth For This Useful Post:

    iluvmyloser (Mar 19, 2008)

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    Àddïctëd tø |ăüghïñg :) Sonny Sunshine Champion, Volcano Champion, Aquarium Sprengischen Champion, Spiderman Web of Words Champion, Look Alive Champion iluvmyloser is off to a good start iluvmyloser's Avatar
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    Re: Who you can trust...A story of a young girl.

    Wow Thank you astaroth^^ That gave me a lot to think about for my next poem thanks a bunch^^

    Katsoyori I thank you also for your comment^^
    Yeah, Bye.

  8. #7
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: Who you can trust...A story of a young girl.

    That was a pretty good pome-like-story. It was well written and the flow was very good. You are a pretty good writter, i am looking forward to see more of you.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to ketaro For This Useful Post:

    iluvmyloser (Mar 20, 2008)

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