Who you can trust...A story of a young girl.

iluvmyloser · Mar 18, 2008, 07:39 PM

Have you ever heard a girl cry?
Do you get chills straight down your spine?
Here is a story of a girl,
who was betrayed and almost killed.

Her name was Alyssa, she was nine.
She held her head up and walked with pride.
Heading to her boyfriend's house at 10:00
Not even knowing what was coming ahead.

She rang the doorbell, heard a noise,
She ignored it but then heard a strange voice.
The voice seemed mad, almost with tears,
As if the girl had no fears.

She sprung the door open, and to her surprise.
There was a girl,ready to cry.
Alyssa, not knowing what to do,
Ran all the way home, her face pale blue.

She cried her tears out, for what she had found.
Her boyfriend and the girl together yelling about.
She didn't know the story, or the whole truth,
But she realized, she didn't care too.

The next morning, Her boyfriend came.
She answered the door, her heart filled with pain.
The boyfriend hugged her,
But she pushed him away.

The girls name was Crystal, she was going out with him.
Alyssa ran out of his way, ready to express her pain.
Crystal opened the door, holding a knife.
Alyssa backed away, fearing for her life.

Crystal was her best friend, she had betrayed her trust.
Alyssa was ready to turn her into dust.
Crystal held up the knife, she was about to stab,
The boyfriend came to Alyssa's command.

Why did he rescue her, you might ask?
Alyssa was looking at him, showing a command.
Alyssa's face was red, but she didn't care,
She threw herself at Crystal ripping some of her hair.

She then ran home, not knowing what to do.
Her boyfriend had betrayed her, her "best friend" too.
That was Alyssa's story, i hope you learned what she tried to prove,
That you cannot trust anybody in this world..except you..

***----------------------------------------------------------***

Well this is my entry i know you might think it's dumb but i tried^^

Angel Bre · Mar 18, 2008, 07:58 PM

Wow this is..WOW. I can almost here you TALKING to me. This is so great. It has emotions and very descriptive words. i mean...WOW!!!!!

Good luck^^ 10/10

iluvmyloser · Mar 19, 2008, 09:13 AM

Thank you^^ It's my entry for POTM^^ I didn't really expect this. I guess a break from poems for a while worked. I thank you for your comment^^

katsoyori33 · Mar 19, 2008, 11:55 AM

Awesome. It has a strong message behind it. Very emotional! I think this will win!

Astaroth · Mar 19, 2008, 11:58 AM

this is a very good poem...
you kept the plot of the poem straight and did not wander throughout.
even though sometime the flow of the rhythm is interfered....as a whole....it is still very well down...
nice job

iluvmyloser · Mar 19, 2008, 12:11 PM

Wow Thank you astaroth^^ That gave me a lot to think about for my next poem thanks a bunch^^

Katsoyori I thank you also for your comment^^

*ketaro* · Mar 20, 2008, 04:58 PM

That was a pretty good pome-like-story. It was well written and the flow was very good. You are a pretty good writter, i am looking forward to see more of you.

Mar 18, 2008, 07:39 PM	#1 (permalink)
iluvmyloser >>♥MiSS PRiNCeSS♥<< Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: ♥>>WhErE u WanNa Be??<<♥ Posts: 567 Thanks: 15 Thanked 13 Times in 12 Posts Credits: 6,809	Who you can trust...A story of a young girl. Have you ever heard a girl cry? Do you get chills straight down your spine? Here is a story of a girl, who was betrayed and almost killed. Her name was Alyssa, she was nine. She held her head up and walked with pride. Heading to her boyfriend's house at 10:00 Not even knowing what was coming ahead. She rang the doorbell, heard a noise, She ignored it but then heard a strange voice. The voice seemed mad, almost with tears, As if the girl had no fears. She sprung the door open, and to her surprise. There was a girl,ready to cry. Alyssa, not knowing what to do, Ran all the way home, her face pale blue. She cried her tears out, for what she had found. Her boyfriend and the girl together yelling about. She didn't know the story, or the whole truth, But she realized, she didn't care too. The next morning, Her boyfriend came. She answered the door, her heart filled with pain. The boyfriend hugged her, But she pushed him away. The girls name was Crystal, she was going out with him. Alyssa ran out of his way, ready to express her pain. Crystal opened the door, holding a knife. Alyssa backed away, fearing for her life. Crystal was her best friend, she had betrayed her trust. Alyssa was ready to turn her into dust. Crystal held up the knife, she was about to stab, The boyfriend came to Alyssa's command. Why did he rescue her, you might ask? Alyssa was looking at him, showing a command. Alyssa's face was red, but she didn't care, She threw herself at Crystal ripping some of her hair. She then ran home, not knowing what to do. Her boyfriend had betrayed her, her "best friend" too. That was Alyssa's story, i hope you learned what she tried to prove, That you cannot trust anybody in this world..except you.. *----------------------------------------------------------* Well this is my entry i know you might think it's dumb but i tried^^ __________________ ♥~It's not that easy being green^^.,I'm the ONLY princess soon turning into QUEEN,so bow down to your ONLY royal highness~♥ YEAH BByy ITS Animal WONDER PLEASE JOIN STAFF NEEDED!!!!!!!
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Mar 18, 2008, 07:58 PM	#2 (permalink)
Angel Bre Newbie Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 3 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts Credits: 100	Re: Who you can trust...A story of a young girl. Wow this is..WOW. I can almost here you TALKING to me. This is so great. It has emotions and very descriptive words. i mean...WOW!!!!! Good luck^^ 10/10 __________________ VISIT ANIME LOVE the greatest site on earth! [url="http://animelove.b1.jcink.com/index.php?act=idx"]*NEW COOL PEOPLE,COOL FEATURES JOIN NOW^^ Queen Bre & Nina. HAS ARRIVED PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN & BOW TO US!~
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Mar 19, 2008, 09:13 AM	#3 (permalink)
iluvmyloser >>♥MiSS PRiNCeSS♥<< Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: ♥>>WhErE u WanNa Be??<<♥ Posts: 567 Thanks: 15 Thanked 13 Times in 12 Posts Credits: 6,809	Re: Who you can trust...A story of a young girl. Thank you^^ It's my entry for POTM^^ I didn't really expect this. I guess a break from poems for a while worked. I thank you for your comment^^ __________________ ♥~It's not that easy being green^^.,I'm the ONLY princess soon turning into QUEEN,so bow down to your ONLY royal highness~♥ YEAH BByy ITS Animal WONDER PLEASE JOIN STAFF NEEDED!!!!!!!
Status: Online

Mar 19, 2008, 11:55 AM	#4 (permalink)
katsoyori33 Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Somerset California USA Posts: 113 Thanks: 7 Thanked 9 Times in 8 Posts Credits: 4,133	Re: Who you can trust...A story of a young girl. Awesome. It has a strong message behind it. Very emotional! I think this will win! __________________ Leader of Clan Rainstorm. Join now and help us take over AO!
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Mar 19, 2008, 11:58 AM	#5 (permalink)
Astaroth Chtonian Slayer Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: In the deepest, darkest place of hell.....my heart Posts: 534 Thanks: 23 Thanked 44 Times in 42 Posts Credits: 25,947	Re: Who you can trust...A story of a young girl. this is a very good poem... you kept the plot of the poem straight and did not wander throughout. even though sometime the flow of the rhythm is interfered....as a whole....it is still very well down... nice job __________________ Without courage, all other virtues lose their meaning.
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Mar 19, 2008, 12:11 PM	#6 (permalink)
iluvmyloser >>♥MiSS PRiNCeSS♥<< Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: ♥>>WhErE u WanNa Be??<<♥ Posts: 567 Thanks: 15 Thanked 13 Times in 12 Posts Credits: 6,809	Re: Who you can trust...A story of a young girl. Wow Thank you astaroth^^ That gave me a lot to think about for my next poem thanks a bunch^^ Katsoyori I thank you also for your comment^^ __________________ ♥~It's not that easy being green^^.,I'm the ONLY princess soon turning into QUEEN,so bow down to your ONLY royal highness~♥ YEAH BByy ITS Animal WONDER PLEASE JOIN STAFF NEEDED!!!!!!!
Status: Online

Mar 20, 2008, 04:58 PM	#7 (permalink)
ketaro curious kitty Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: In a town full of computer hackers called Bantown Posts: 4,162 Thanks: 20 Thanked 27 Times in 25 Posts Credits: 18,523	Re: Who you can trust...A story of a young girl. That was a pretty good pome-like-story. It was well written and the flow was very good. You are a pretty good writter, i am looking forward to see more of you.
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