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Nov 19, 2007, 03:15 AM
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 Diamond in the Rough  | Your Eyes Tell Me You're Dying Inside... Let Me Give You My Heart {Tanka} Your Eyes Tell Me You're Dying Inside Frustration, weariness, hurt, pain, sorrow That's what I see in your eyes Tears speak when you cry Yours letting me know you're dead inside Saying HELP I want to be alive Let Me Don't be afraid I'm here I'm here to catch your every tear Your every tear that appears Let me love you afar and near Let me love you unconditionally My Dear Give You My Heart My heart I will give Just so that you're able to live Please don't worry about me Cause without you my heart wouldn't beat Let us LIVE, LOVE, DIE together happily
__________________  gwenibe I can't thank you enough for this awesome sig'... Thank You!!! Last edited by Inuruto; Nov 23, 2007 at 12:43 AM. |
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Nov 19, 2007, 08:47 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
 Diamond in the Rough  Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: On the farside of the Moon.
Posts: 466
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 Credits: 11,731 | Re: Your Eyes Tell Me You're Dying Inside... Let Me Give You My Heart {Tanka} Well this poem is really a shoe-in for that contest.... and I really like the way it comes together.... all in all a really good poem, give yourself a pat on the back. Well done Inuruto, Well done.
__________________  So many Holidays, gonna celebrate them all. JOIN THE WEREWOLF ARMY NOW http://world8.monstersgame.co.uk/?ac=vid&vid=190000319 |
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Nov 23, 2007, 10:42 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
 Still pointing the sword?  Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Friendly Fridley
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Credits: 10,645 | Re: Your Eyes Tell Me You're Dying Inside... Let Me Give You My Heart {Tanka} Y'know.... I luv you... And that is why Im giving you this heads up. I think that 5,7,5,7,7 Is for a syllabol (sp?) count. NOT a word count. Example: Ethnocentrism... 1 word, but 5 syllabols. And that one word alone could start off a tanka. I don't think this poem, as is, will qualify. However the concept is dope! And Overall its beautiful work! ... So I hope you edit.
__________________  I will give you a son.... Last edited by Peach_follows; Nov 24, 2007 at 09:08 AM. |
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Nov 24, 2007, 01:40 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Chtonian Slayer  Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: you really do not want to know
Posts: 562
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Credits: 31,306 | Re: Your Eyes Tell Me You're Dying Inside... Let Me Give You My Heart {Tanka} The words are really sweet and they really touched my heart....... Very nicely done!!!!
__________________  DO NOT MAKE ME UNLEASH MY INNER DEMON |
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