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Thread: Your Eyes Tell Me You're Dying Inside... Let Me Give You My Heart {Tanka}

  1. #1
    Otaku Inuruto is off to a good start Inuruto's Avatar
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    Your Eyes Tell Me You're Dying Inside... Let Me Give You My Heart {Tanka}

    Your Eyes Tell Me You're Dying Inside

    Frustration, weariness, hurt, pain, sorrow
    That's what I see in your eyes
    Tears speak when you cry
    Yours letting me know you're dead inside
    Saying HELP I want to be alive


    Let Me

    Don't be afraid I'm here
    I'm here to catch your every tear
    Your every tear that appears
    Let me love you afar and near
    Let me love you unconditionally My Dear


    Give You My Heart

    My heart I will give
    Just so that you're able to live
    Please don't worry about me
    Cause without you my heart wouldn't beat
    Let us LIVE, LOVE, DIE together happily
    Last edited by Inuruto; Nov 23, 2007 at 01:43 AM.

    The heart can't lie... Truth is... I love you!!!

  2. #2
    Otaku Dune Bashing In Dubai Champion, Yetisports 10 - Icicle Climb Champion, Yeti Bubbles Champion overload is off to a good start overload's Avatar
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    Re: Your Eyes Tell Me You're Dying Inside... Let Me Give You My Heart {Tanka}

    Well this poem is really a shoe-in for that contest....
    and I really like the way it comes together....
    all in all a really good poem, give yourself a pat on the back.
    Well done Inuruto, Well done.

  3. #3
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Your Eyes Tell Me You're Dying Inside... Let Me Give You My Heart {Tanka}

    Y'know.... I luv you... And that is why Im giving you this heads up. I think that 5,7,5,7,7 Is for a syllabol (sp?) count. NOT a word count. Example: Ethnocentrism... 1 word, but 5 syllabols. And that one word alone could start off a tanka.

    I don't think this poem, as is, will qualify. However the concept is dope! And Overall its beautiful work! ... So I hope you edit.
    Last edited by Peach_follows; Nov 24, 2007 at 10:08 AM.
    ... Not Ever Again...

  4. #4
    Chtonian Slayer Astaroth may be famous one day Astaroth's Avatar
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    Re: Your Eyes Tell Me You're Dying Inside... Let Me Give You My Heart {Tanka}

    The words are really sweet and they really touched my heart.......
    Very nicely done!!!!
    DO NOT MAKE ME UNLEASH MY INNER DEMON

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