equinn

Well a few nights ago my mum and dad went though my phone and real all my texts ! And a lot of them were from my bf of like 7 months and they have made a big scene about it tbh and last night I had to ask him for his home address and post code and his home number ...my mum was gonna get the police involved she doesnt believe me ...tbh on what hes like etc...and now my dad knows someone over there who is gonna find out everything about him and report it back to him....i know this is for my safety and stuff but they had no right to be in my mobile with out my permission im 16 im old enough to even leave home if I really want to...they have lost my trust tbh because all i want to do is be with my bf as i told my mother if he was a pedo i wouldnt care!
i would rather jump out and run across busy trafic than leave him!

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zyta

Tough luck, but until you're a legal adult, you're basically property to your parents. As property... there really is no 'rights' that you have to privacy.

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Legend

Yep what he said. They paid for the phone amirite? You're living in their home right?

And you should have set a password on your phone. :P

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Sazzy

You could always sue them for invasion of privacy. I mean your like 16/17 now. They can't keep you in this tiny ass bubble just because your their child. Just ask them, if they were treated the same as a child and get them to reason with you. Honestly, they aren't letting you live your life at all, my parents couldn't stop me from dating someone. They might have had their own opinion's, but thats it. I wanted to make my own mistakes and learn from them personally, not be told how life can be a pain but to experience it.

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equinn

yeah sazzy im thinking the exsact way i even said to my mum could she not trust me with him etc and she was just like he could be a pedo and his bro all u know ( his bro is younger than us too like soo wtf) and and i told her i didnt care if he was or not and i think she told my sister and i wasnt even out of my bed before she came up lecturing me and she goes 'am i wasting my time telling u this?' and i told her i understand were my mum is coming from but im not gonna stop seeing him just cos of what they think ...me and him have giving my perrents all his details and stuff and they would need to back off cos i cant loss him cos if i did i would just wanna run out in the middle of busy traffic....and no they didnt buy me the phone it was my sisters and then was givin to me cos mines busted...but yes i do still live at home ....i dont really wanna live here anymore tbh ...

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Sazzy

To me it seems like they don't really understand the consequences of their actions. The more they try to keep you in this bubble, the more they are going to get pushed away. They are making your relationship with them a whole lot worse by doing what they are doing.

The thing that really gets me when I see parents do this is that they understand what it is like to be teenager and what love was like yet the more try to act like they are protecting you, the more you just want to be set free. I am not saying they are bad parents, as I haven't even met your parents and I don't think I will but that doesn't justify what they are doing.

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Soshi Kitai

Not sure about you Sazzy, but I'd say they're bad parents.
...well, not parents, per se'. But people. Bad people.

They're doing a good job at parenting... watching over their child, and all. Even though it's watching over TOO MUCH.
But as people, they really shouldn't overreact this much.

Hell, I had the same problem about 4 1/2 years back. My family went ballistic (even before they knew she was my gf) when people were sending me text messages... they would search through my backpack, look through my text messages, and question me unnerving questions until they had their fill.

Then a few years later, I actually thought about it: "Wait... my family literally KNOWS NOTHING about my life! We used to eat together, watch movies together, and go out to theme parks all the time. Now we're all so separated, they literally haven't heard about anything I did for YEARS (despite the fact I've been living under the same roof for all those years). They're just shocked that something like this, is happening to their little baby."

Maybe you've been making your personal life too separate from your family life... I understand they're being too overprotective (just like it was for my family, and my gf's parents), but maybe they're just scared because they know nothing that's going on. They don't have control over the situation. They don't have any insight to what's going on. As far as they know, you're probably dating a 42-year-old rapist like they've seen on all those daytime "your kids are drug-addicts and are dating rapists" shows!

Not sure if it's the best way, but the way I handled it was...
I lied. I told them truth, and I told them lies. Lies on things they didn't need to know about, truths on things that wouldn't hurt to tell. But the lies have to make sense (complete sense) and be convincing (irrefutably convincing).
Then as time went on, I gave them less and less information (they asked for things like receipts, call them when I was home, and make sure I was always around someone they could contact) - they eventually got comfortable with the idea...

Now I don't HAVE TO tell them anything, but tell them what I feel like telling them - and even converse about it.

Your relationship shouldn't be secretive, unless your parents are going to go over to his house and kill him. But it should stay private (two different things).
Give your parents what they want, and get them comfortable to it.
They're just scared. They're just panicked. They don't know what to do.

Show them you know what to do.
Show them you know how to handle it.

If you show rebellion, they're going to show law-and-punishment.
If you show submission, they think they're in control of the situation.
And if they think they're in control of the situation, they become comfortable.
If they get comfortable enough, they'll calm down.

Your parents may be crazy people, but they're still your parents.
Try your hardest to make sure it doesn't end badly.
So that it doesn't come back to haunt you.

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Abu Dhabi

^_^ Exactly perfect, Hun!

i had the same feelings as you Equinn when Soshi and i got together, and my parents went crazy (we went to school together, didn't meet online). but i rebelled against my parents, instead of seeing them as people who cared about their child and honestly had no clue what was going on.

now, that doesn't excuse the phone searching, or the really hurtful questions, or the "you don't know what you're talking about"... but, they love you and honestly just want whats best. how they're doing is the problem, but try not to let it block their intentions.

like Soshi said, tell them what they need to know and gloss over if you need to, but only if it doesn't hurt you guys as a couple... be honest in the little things, then if they can handle it, work it up to the big stuff. if it's possible for your Man to visit, then try to make it happen so it puts your parents at ease (^_^ and happy times for you)!

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