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Thread: The Coming Storm - Chapter Four - WIP - Opinions/Suggestions Wanted

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    The Coming Storm - Chapter Four - WIP - Opinions/Suggestions Wanted

    Working on this chapter a little bit more, thought I'd post what I'd have.

    If you're wondering about the stardate, it roughly puts it at January 30th, a week and half short of a full month since the start of the story.

    I still haven't nailed down the exact plot the story is going to follow. I know that there's going to be a threat that the Crew of the Endalla are going to face, and that its serious (Hence "The Coming Storm"), as to what that will be I haven't thought of it yet.

    So for now, I'm going to introduce the rest of the crew, and so far, this is who we have (Events and locations I've mentioned come from the Star Trek Pocket Book universe, if you have any quesitons, just search on Memory Beta, non-canon Star Trek Wiki for more info, or just ask me, your resident trek nerd):

    Captain Johnathan Reynolds CO - A 40 year veteran of Starfleet, has been serving since before the Battle of Wolf 359. Has a Wife Lindsey, and a Son Andrew. Before taking command of the Endalla, Cpt. Reynolds was in charge of day to day operations of Construction Frames 8 through 12 at Utopia Planitia.

    Major James Scott XO - A 10 Year veteran of Stafleet. Serving in Starfleet's Marine Corps, he's highly trained in ground combat, as well as one of the best fighter pilots in Starfleet. He's highly decorated, and because of his actions at the Second Battle of Chin'Toka, for which he was awarded the Federation Medal of Honor, his tactics for fighter combat are required study at Starfleet Academy. This may or may not be the reason why Captain Reynolds chose him The death of his Brother and his best friend during the Borg Invasion left him apathetic and depressed, leading to his recent disciplinary record.

    Lieutenant J/G Marion Callista "Cally" Andrews - Daughter of a Starfleet Captain, she was born and raised on starships the majority of her life. She was part of the first Graduating class from the Academy after the Dominion War, she served during the Tezwa affair, and the two subsequent Borg invasions. She was on leave in between assignments when she was offered a promotion to serve on the Endalla. She's a gifted pilot, and a savant with computers and mathematics. Couple that with a photographic memory, calling her a genius wouldn't be overdoing it. This causes her some embarrassment as she doesn't see her self in that way.

    Lieutenant Commander Akira Sugimoto - Of Japanese decent, but born and raised in Boston Massachusetts. She was the supervising engineer during the Endalla's construction. Cpt. Reynolds thought she'd be the perfect Cheif Engineer. She and Major Scott have a history, having attended the Academy together, and isn't afraid to poke fun at him.

    The other chapters are currently in the Fan Fic section


    The Coming Storm
    Chapter Four
    Chief Flight Officer’s Log
    Stardate 59077.47

    Well, this is it, it’s been almost a month since we launched and we’re heading out on our exploratory mission. What’s unique about what we’re doing is we’re headed into what little we’ve explored of the Gama Quadrant. Sure, we know plenty of what’s on the Gama terminus of the Bajoran wormhole, including what little the Dominion did give us in terms of star charts did help somewhat, but that’s on the other side of the quadrant, leaving about ninety percent of it uncharted.

    What makes today special is we’re going to be passing into uncharted space. The last ship that was out this way was the Cerberus, I don’t know why I’m taking this personal, but Mike was at the helm when she was out here, and now that he’s gone, it’s kind of hard not to think of him when something that reminds me of him…

    Come on Marion, get it together.


    “Computer, end recording.” Marion instructed, wiping tears from her eyes. “Save for further revision.”

    She looked over on to her dresser and saw Bruno looking at her, having crawled half way up the wall of his cage. “Yeah yeah, I’ll get you a carrot.” She told the little creature, dropping a small carrot into his cage where he didn’t even wait for it finish hitting the ground before setting upon it like a ravenous beast.

    She stopped a moment and picked up a photograph of her and Mike at Marion’s graduation from the academy. Things were simpler back then, she thought looking at the smiles they both had. The Dominion War had just ended; the Borg hadn’t yet tried to invade. She gently placed the photograph back where she had it wearing a sorrowful smile, then headed towards the bridge.

    Over the last month, Marion had developed a routine. She would leave early for her shift in order to go over the evening shifts sensor readings with the Endalla’s chief science officer, Amber Fox. The two quickly hit it off and had become quick friends, sharing similar interests, as well as being highly skilled computer sciences. Marion knew she was good, and although she wouldn’t admit it, she knew that Amber was better.

    As she exited the turbo-lift onto the bridge, she was greeted by a smiling woman handing her a cup containing a steaming liquid. Marion knew it was her morning vice, a cup of hot chocolate just the way she liked it, she quickly took it and gingerly took a sip, enjoying every bit of it.

    When she first met Amber, she was a bit unsettled with her. Amber is a tall African American woman in her early thirties. She wasn’t the prettiest woman you would ever meet, but she had that girl next door charm. What was unsettling was the burn scars she had on the left side of her face and on her left hand. Marion guessed that the scar went further then what wasn’t covered by her uniform. Amber explained that it was an injury she sustained while stationed on Betazed when the Dominion invaded and occupied the planet. During the initial planetary bombardment, the building across the street from the cafĂ© where she was eating breakfast burst into flames as it was shelled from orbit. She spent the remainder of the occupation in a coma, only to wake up in waning months of the war. She had always been a confidant person, so she decided to keep the scars.

    “You ok Marion?” she asked. “You look like you’ve been crying.”

    “I’m alright. And yes, I was, a little.” Marion explained. “You know the last ship that was out this ways?”

    “The Cerberus?”

    “Yeah. A very good friend of mine served on her. He was at Risa when the Borg attacked.” Marion said quietly, staring into her hot chocolate. She remembered watching the Federation News service report about it. It was like all of the other planets that were attacked. The planet would be bombarded from orbit until nothing was left of the surface but molten glass, and what few survivors managed to escape, did so at the cost of Starfleet vessels buying them the time they needed knowing full well what that meant. “So, what do you have in store for us today?” Marion asked, changing the subject.

    “I wouldn’t mind hearing this too.” Captain Reynolds chimed in, nursing his own cup of coffee.
    Last edited by aceman67; Feb 08, 2010 at 06:06 AM.

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    Re: The Coming Storm - Chapter Four - WIP - Opinions/Suggestions Wanted

    Come on people, I'm seriously looking for some outside input here as I've been having quite the writers block. I know that there are some gifted writers here on AO.

    Even if you're not a trek fan you can still help me out since my writing tends to be conversation and relationship based.

    Also got to clear some confusion some of you might have if you notice it. In chapter three I had James Scott introduced with the rank of commander. This wasn't a mistake. He still holds the rank of Major which is the equivalent of Lt.commander, an just like the commanding officer of a ship is called 'captain', th executive officer is sometimes refered to as commander.

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    Re: The Coming Storm - Chapter Four - WIP - Opinions/Suggestions Wanted

    Updated the chapter, and introduced a new character, as well as fleshing out the history of another.

    In this update, we meet the Endalla's chief science officer, Lieutenant Commander Amber Fox. An African American woman in her early thirties. I described her as not the prettiest woman you would ever meet, but she did have the charm of "That girl next door". Her distinctive feature I gave her is a scar the runs along the left side of her whole body from burns she recieved when the Dominion invaded Betazed (You know, that planet with the psychics, more info here: Battle of Betazed - Memory Alpha, the Star Trek Wiki).

    And I'm still interested in hearing some ideas from you people. This little update took me a couple weeks to come up with, I'm not kidding when I tell you that I'm having a bad bout of writers block.

    I've also gone back into the previous chapters to fix the issue I mentioned in the post above this one, changing any reference to James Scott as commander to Major.

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