Yeah, I know random journals are where its at from the poop-ularity stand point.
But sometimes you have to be personal and semi-serious.
-Please keep in mind, what you are reading is in large part, a metaphore.-
I have been viewing a certain aspect of my life, as watering a dead tree. And no matter how much water I bring forth... The tree is still dead.
So why would I nourish something which shows no signs of life? Many reasons.
1: Something in my soul is telling me to keep watering. Dunno why... It just isn't time to stop. Hell, I have been working at it for a long while now. Something is telling me there is a reason. If I stop now, I will just be the freakin' crazy lady who watered a dead tree for a half decade.
2: I am not 100% sure of anything. Including that this tree is completely dead. But I may not be watering this tree, for the sake of the tree either. If said tree is indeed dead. It has probably been decomposing from the inside. Ready to keel over, as I have softened the earth around it. Perhaps everything has happened so that this dead tree can be a source of nourishment to everything around it which still lives. Maybe its carcass was chocking off a tiny sprout that has been ready to shoot up and grow tall and mighty in its place....?
3: What about this crazy lady who continues to water this damned dead tree...? Perhaps it is this act of watering which keeps things in perspective for me. Reminds me of the strength it takes to continue to obey my inner self, when there seems to be no way to make sence of the commands. Perhaps it is the sincere peace in knowing that I don't haave to understand the reasons behind why I feel inclined to take certain actions. Trusting intuition is the equivilant to trusting in a power greater than myself.