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Thread: Not Depressed?

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    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Not Depressed?

    This is just an example of how things have just sort of been ending up on an upside for me.

     click to show spoiler




    And yet, I feel some sort of depression.

    At least I think that's what it is. I'm not so sure....

    Maybe I'm just afraid of an end to all the growth and positivity I've been experiencing. Maybe I'm afraid of creating that end. Or maybe, what Im really afraid of, is that there wont be an end. Only a new beginnings. Sure, nothings is ever ALWAYS good. But maybe this is it, the beginning of a life where I just continue making progress, despite small lapses of digression.

    You know, what "normal" people do? Continue to be productive despite life being hard, scary, and un-fun.

    My survival tactics had been to just let everything crash and burn, and then I can focus on picking up pieces. Rather than preventing the crash... so that I would have something to move forward in.

    I think everyone, at any given moment, could find something to be depressed about if they examined life hard enough in a negative direction.

    It used to be I either couldn't escape negativity, so I'd find myself up to my neck in depression. Or, I would have several reasons to be depressed, but because I didn't want to address the crap, I convinced myself all was well.

    Now, I'm in a different boat all together. I find that things are going generally well, And while I have problems, there always seems to be a VAST amount of hope in solving them. And to boot, I have been accumulating more positive aspects to life, than I have in YEARS.

    But despite this, I find myself dwelling on very small issues. Problems I KNOW are miniscule compared to things I've endured in the past. I even find myself creating problems. This happiness... makes me feel out of my element.

    I never thought I would be admitting this, especially on a public journal. But I think I am afraid of life without depression.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: Not Depressed?

    First step to fixing that there problem is realizing that it is indeed the problem. So now that you think your afraid of not being depressed you can take the steps to fix it! That's wonderful!

    I know it's easy to look at things and find something to be depressed about. But just remember your kids come home soon! How freakin awesome is that?!!

    Anyways. Hope your weekend was better then it sounds like it was. I had a lot of fun on newyears and look forward to hanging out again. (Even if everyone is there! how's that for my socially anxious ass!?)

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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    Re: Not Depressed?

    Man, this journal is so bizarre... I had no idea, while writing it, that I was about to receive the biggest blessing I've ever been blessed with (aside from the blessing of life, and the lives of my children).

    !!!!!!!$$$$$!!!!!!$$$$$

    And still, I sat scared shitless, pondering all the ways that this could blow up in my face if Im not careful.

    But, at least I can say I recognize that there COULD be a down side. So I can better avoid it. And now I need to turn my focus on to being careful.

    I have persevered through a lot of tough situations (as you know). Now its time to prove to myself I can persevere through the struggles of productivity, and the success following.

    BTW

    I had a really good weekend actually. And new years was bitter sweet. So good to be with people I care about. But not so good to see that some of those people haven't cared enough about themselves.... not even enough to pretend for an evening.

    We should really hang out sometime.... and uh, I could do WITHOUT a good chunk of those who were around on new year. Maybe Im the one becoming anti-social?
    Last edited by Peach_follows; Jan 05, 2010 at 09:45 PM. Reason: I had know idea?
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: Not Depressed?

    I think we should deff hang out just you and me. And in fact, even after your boys are home I'd like if you would come sometimes during the day to help me with the new baby and Ahni. Even if just for the company more then the help you know?
    I know what you mean about people who don't care enough for themselves. It makes me sad too. And while I'd like to hang out with a few of the people hell even all would be ok with me. Just you is great to me. And I definately miss Jacky and even Sharea.
    If you were becoming antisocial I wouldn't blame you. You have a lot to focus on and a lot of the people around, aren't on shit. You have to be.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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