Thread: Not Depressed?

This is just an example of how things have just sort of been ending up on an upside for me.

 click to show spoiler

The other day, my windshield cracked... It really sucked because the previous (Christmas) weekend we had a snow storm, we got at least a couple feet of snow accumulated over that weekend. And since I had been spending a lot of time with family, I had been getting rides everywhere. So my car hadn't moved. by the weekends end... it was completely encased in snow. They even plowed my parking lot and just pushed snow up against it.

I was so intimidated by the task of freeing my car that I joked with my sister that maybe I should just fill a five gallon bucket with scolding hot water, and just melt the snow away. Mind you, I knew that was a bad idea. And my sister warned me "Not only will your car just be encased in ice if you do that, but it will end up breaking your glass"

So, did it the smart way, with a shovel, and a scrapper, starting my engine and patience.

The next day I was driving around, in my car, free of snow. All warmed up, I had been on the road for a half hour already... When... The windshield cracked! Out the no where! WTF!

I have no comprehensive insurance. And I was told I may have to pay like $400 bucks for windshield replacement.

When I did some shopping around, I got an AMAZING quote for $175! I was feeling lucky. And then, I remembered my knack for getting help. Assistance. Free love from the man... (so sad). But... I DID find an organization to fix my car. FREEEEE.

And yet, I feel some sort of depression.

At least I think that's what it is. I'm not so sure....

Maybe I'm just afraid of an end to all the growth and positivity I've been experiencing. Maybe I'm afraid of creating that end. Or maybe, what Im really afraid of, is that there wont be an end. Only a new beginnings. Sure, nothings is ever ALWAYS good. But maybe this is it, the beginning of a life where I just continue making progress, despite small lapses of digression.

You know, what "normal" people do? Continue to be productive despite life being hard, scary, and un-fun.

My survival tactics had been to just let everything crash and burn, and then I can focus on picking up pieces. Rather than preventing the crash... so that I would have something to move forward in.

I think everyone, at any given moment, could find something to be depressed about if they examined life hard enough in a negative direction.

It used to be I either couldn't escape negativity, so I'd find myself up to my neck in depression. Or, I would have several reasons to be depressed, but because I didn't want to address the crap, I convinced myself all was well.

Now, I'm in a different boat all together. I find that things are going generally well, And while I have problems, there always seems to be a VAST amount of hope in solving them. And to boot, I have been accumulating more positive aspects to life, than I have in YEARS.

But despite this, I find myself dwelling on very small issues. Problems I KNOW are miniscule compared to things I've endured in the past. I even find myself creating problems. This happiness... makes me feel out of my element.

I never thought I would be admitting this, especially on a public journal. But I think I am afraid of life without depression.