Thread: Bitter Alone

I've been rather bitter lately. I thought it was just the amount of computer time I've been spending (been doing random net-hobbies)... but even a walk outside didn't make too much of a difference.

It hit me today that Abu's work schedule was the cause.

I'm usually fine by myself for a few hours - and even days in a row. ...I don't like it (me and me don't get along, never did, never do, never will), but I can manage. And it does allow me to work faster and harder when I'm alone, always the perk.

...but Abu's daily schedule of being away from me during core hours of the day...



*sigh* I just glue myself onto some hobby to ignore the idea that she's not around.

It's true I work best by myself, but it's - well - no fun.
I've spent years by myself and learned lots of disciplines as such, but it's rather empty...

And I could and kinda' do hang out with other people, but it's definitely not as fun as being with Abu.
So there's not much of an alternative.

I don't get depressed anymore, so there's no worry for me to be alone. I do, however, get bitter and cranky. -like an old man.

Abu's time away from me makes me increasingly more down in mood... and it's no good for anyone.
Sure she's only gone for a few hours, but it being daily, and the other hours she has to be away: It piles up.

*sigh*
Her work is for the better, though... So I ain't gonna' even want her to drop it.



I'm just wondering how I'm gonna' remedy this "illness".
I don't know how much more bitter I'm gonna' get if it keeps building up like this... something needs to open up, or I'm gonna' have to deal with this in a different way... like meditating again or something. :/

Whatevs. Gotta' figure this out.