No theme in my talk today. Just felt like postin' stuff since I haven't really been putting new personal journal entries everyday.
Abu n' I have been itchin' to play some MGO for the past two days. But two days back, it was closed for maintenance.
N last night, we had to download the new patch. ...and it took eternity. And someone was jackin' our net, cuz it kept disconnecting a whole buncha' times.
So what woulda' just taken 2-3 hours of downloading (cuz it always takes forever ) ended up taking 3 games worth of Halo 3, a watching of Police Story 2, falling asleep, and a few hours after waking up in the morning.
........... why? Like I said: IT KEPT DISCONNECTING. >_<
WHY must it keep disconnecting?!
But yeah, it's finally all done.
Oh and finally played some The Last Man last night. I've had it in my PS3 for quite some time, but I never touched it. ^.^ Fun arcadeyness! Pretty hard, too.
- - - -
In other news: The debate of legalizing marijuana goes on.
>_> So much debating everywhere I go.
For crying out loud, you might as well just legalize it already.
So many people demand it to be legalized, you might as well give it to them.
*rubs forehead* Why do people just want substances that bad?
Recreational my foot, it doesn't... er.... reacreate anything.
Before y'all go tossing the blame at me, realize first that I neither smoke nor drink.
I'm not a big fan of those things either.
But I respect their choices.
... but I respect it in the same way as respecting those who want to have sex with dead things: Do what you want, but I really don't think that's necessary... or good for you, for that matter.
I was always taught that smoking and drinking were bad, just as any kid was taught.
And just as every teen was taught, I was also taught that they're not so bad as long as you're responsible with 'em.
And just as any scholar was taught, drugs were used for many spiritual things, and obviously used for healing.
...but y'see the only thing I thought was okay was drinking, because everyone drank and it just seemed so casual. And everyone became happy after drinking. That's how I saw it as a kid and as a teen.
I didn't think there was anything good about smoking, as its long-term effects (whether abused or not) were never worth that little "soothing" you got from it.
...I also found the excuses for smoking rather......... well, retarded.
And in the same fashion, smoking pot seemed retarded to me as well.
But what about drinking? Do I still feel the same way?
I tried drinking on my 21st b-day (yeah, I was a good boy and didn't drink 'til then... yeah, I know! Odd, right? ......... I just never really had an interest in drinking. ).
... thing-is, I'm always aware of my body. I feel everything it goes through. It became a habit of mine to know and control my body at all times... got it from my ol' trainin' days. It felt cool to know what's going on in-and-around you.
And y'see... when I drank, I felt what my body was going through... and I didn't like it. My body was rejecting the alcohol while being consumed by it. Thoughts and feelings were numbing a bit, and perception was a tad cloudy.
And... I didn't like it. Didn't like it at all.
I may be old-school or somethin', but I just don't like the idea of losin' control over my body. I like having control over it. I like knowing what's going on.
I guess you can say I'm anti-instinct.
Everything I judge on and moralize with, it's against instinct.
Being primal's always fun (especially in bed), but I never let myself fully go.
I used to all the time when I was a kid. To the point where I literally blacked-out. Not remembering a single thing.
All I have of those memories are my family telling me how crazy I used to be.
I guess it's just my philosophy in life. I'm living now. I lived then. I'm gonna' live tomorrow. And I want to feel all of it. I certainly don't need to, but it certainly is nice. It's experiencing life at its fullest.
When I went crazy back then, all I got were funny stories of the crazy things I used to do... and lotsa' embarrassing tales.
And sure, those were nice and fun to talk about. ...but... I didn't really experience any of it. I don't remember it at all. It's blank. And the parts I do remember: It didn't feel like me at all.
I'm a curious person by heart, but I don't like it when the answers are given to me under a dim and fuzzy light and I'm just supposed to guess what it is.
That's all it sounds like whenever people tell me about their "trips".
They say it's great and awesome. And I won't disagree. I'm pretty sure it was crazy and awesome and cool beans - but that's not my thing.
It's like new roller coasters: People love the surprises they're given and the adrenaline that runs through their body like a sick-form of ecstasy... it's invigorating for them. In their dull day-to-day lives, being able to predict the usual is awful. Something new and exciting and unknown certainly is amazing. Especially if they think there's a message hidden within it.
As much as I dislike a dull day as the other person, I like to make the days un-dull through my own manner.
And to many people's surprise: I don't like roller coasters.
*people go shock and awe............. AGAIN*
Things in life are already unpredictable and enjoyable, especially if you make sure it ends up that way. Depending on someone else to make it for you... well... as exciting as that is, to me...
Well, to me it's like this: You and your loyal lover want a good time, and want something new and exciting. You go to a certain "funhouse" to see what surprises you can get there. You're both bound and tied (loosely, so you can still drop it whenever you want) and blindfolded. You hear a moaning and screaming. You start feeling a pleasurable sensation as well. They take off the blindfolds and find your lover being pleasured by several other people, and the same is being done to you. As good as it feels, it destroys whatever loyal physical bond you two had together. You stop the process... but... your lover doesn't. Your lover is in extreme pleasure and lost in their own world...
...you feel anger... heart-breaking sadness... sharp pains throughout your body... cold... hot...
You feel betrayed. You know you both went there just for pleasure, but at what cost? ...even if your partner were to stay loyal to you afterwards, how loyal? What temptations could break this unity? At this point, the relationship is truly one-sided... as the person will never feel the same connection towards you, as they'll always be much more "open-minded" than you ever will be.
...but what if you stayed and went with the flow? What if you kept getting pleasured just as your lover did? What would your relationship be afterwards? Sure, love can still find place in there, but love can find place anywhere. Love isn't all what you need. You need a foundation, a bond, a connection, that feeling that made you two feel unique.
...but after all that, you know at this point that your lover can feel the same way towards another if given enough time...
...in that realization, things kinda' feel shallow and empty.
...but if you never did it in the first place, you'd still be truly together...
Is it ignorance that kept you two together? ...no, I believe it was something we can't really explain, but the best word we can come up with is: Mindset. Being on the same "tune" same "flow" same "mindset"...
And your lovers' mindset has been corrupted. By giving into primal pleasures, their instinctual clock has reset - reworking all the ideas previously put into their moral standards. Things have changed, and though it may seem more "truthful", it really is just a form of corruption: convincing you to believe other thoughts due to ignorance in a new form.
That's the same thing for any substance that changes the mindset. And it takes a lot to break a person to snap out of that form of ignorance.
I'm not saying the masses are ignorant...... well... no... well... I'll just leave that ignored for now...
I'm just gonna' say I don't prefer any form of powerful mind-altering substances (EVERY consumable and substance is mind-altering... but certain ones are much more powerful than the others)...
I wouldn't mind if they made all substances illegal. Alcohol, Nicotine, you name it.
I was okay with alcohol before... and I still am okay with others using it...
But experiencing it myself made me realize how... unalive it makes me feel.
It ain't me livin' it, and it certainly is just a distraction.
I know it's fun, and it allows being loosened up... but it's unsatisfactory in every fashion. I don't feel like I'm alive anymore when I touch the stuff. And I always feel alive.
But blah... that's just me blabbing.
Legalize it if ya' want, I still ain't into it.
*sigh* That typing of serious mopey-stuff made me tired. Damn, I wanted to talk about Halo Wars n' stuff. :/
Ah well, another time.
i don't want to go in the funhouse! i wanna be with Darling!