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Thread: Changing Into Your Old Clothes

  1. #1
    Slam Dunk Da Funk Soshi Kitai is making a name for themselves Soshi Kitai is making a name for themselves Soshi Kitai's Avatar
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    Changing Into Your Old Clothes

    What would you do if - let's say your current you suddenly felt younger, more immature. All those feelings you had when you were a careless teen came up.
    Now let's say you still have all your memories and logic, but your entire emotional state just returned to your past self?
    What would you say to yourself to keep yourself calm?
    What if old feelings arise and old memories come back like a tidal wave?

    What would you do?

    Now you say to yourself that you'd think your way out of it.
    Try to convince yourself that following these emotions isn't exactly the smartest thing to do.

    But you see, you can't think straight like that. Your old stupid naive emotions are there, making you want to stay irrational, making you think your adult reactions are stupid and heartless.

    .....

    What the heck do you do with that?

    You can pretend that you're not experiencing those things and stay in your adult-phase, but you could end up getting depressed.
    And not just depressed - teen depressed. Ouch.

    What the hell should I do?

    It feels nice to feel this young again.
    It feels nice to have all this energy again.
    But now I have all my stupid memories.
    All my stupid emotions getting in the way of everything again.

    I don't want to reason myself out of this.
    I want to feel it and for it to solve itself.
    Like how I used to when I was just a dummy teen.

    What would you do?
    What should you do?

    What the heck am I supposed to do?
    Logic means heartless bullcrap to me, any insults could easily drive me into depression, and I find myself so insecure about myself.
    It's so stupid! My grown-side thinks this is all so stupid. I got passed all this and now I have to experience it again???

    Makes matters worse, I'm reliving the memories in my head again.
    Reliving those damned memories that drove me insane before.

    Now I'm here, curled up into a ball, experiencing emotions that I think are logically unnecessary, and just trying to sort things out in my head.
    It's like going through your old mix tapes / mix CDs and deciding what you should do with the ones your exes gave you.
    Do you burn it? Do you listen to it again? Do you just store it away and pretend it doesn't exist?

    And why does it always have to be "burn this" "burn that" for youngin's? Whatever happened to throwing away or recycling?
    "I dunno... the fires just feel alive. And they're eating up what hurts the most in front of my eyes." says the teen in me.

    *sigh
    Mags was lucky, she didn't go through teen irrational drama until she was nearly done with her teen years - and even then it only lasted for like a single year.
    I wonder why that is.

    And so my stupid teen self sits here, refusing to listen, and always keeps saying "It isn't that simple."

    I know, stupid. It isn't.
    That's why logic is there, it makes it simple and heartless.
    It's painless. It makes it go away without all the hurt.

    "... like some sort of stupid drug to make you think you're all better. But you're not."

    Despite being irrational, he does make a lot of sense.

    *sigh
    I unno...
    I feel like I'm too old for this emotional stuff.
    Yet I feel I'm too young for all this change around me.

    I feel like I wasn't prepared for this.
    Yet who would ever be ready for something like this?

    So what would you do?
    How do you work it out without actually having to confront it?

    Confronting it would be very bad for me, actually.
    So don't suggest that option.

    So I sit and wait.

    Wondering what the hell I'm doing.

  2. #2
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    Re: Changing Into Your Old Clothes

    In a poor attempt to confirm some age old memory, E.D. decided to rummage through his Memory Safe.
    The Memory Safe is a prized object of E.D.: A slightly-larger-than-small fire-proof safe that contains precious objects that relate to E.D.'s favorite moments in his past.

    However, all safes are locked.
    And this one needed a key to open.

    And the key was only found in one place: A small pocket in a luggage hidden somewhere in his room.

    Like a teen looking for a love letter, E.D. rummaged through his room desperately in a sad undertaking to find the luggage.
    Joy filled his heart when he found the luggage, but saddened once he couldn't find the key within it.

    "Dammit, I forgot I connected that key to my house keys."
    His house keys, were (in)conveniently in the safe-keeping of Mags, his girlfriend.
    Who was at work.

    And so E.D. sat down and stared at his safe.
    Wishing he could fish inside and find a treasure or two from that time.

    With a slow and steady breath he closes his eyes and opens his right fist.
    An old scrunchy, weathered and worn. Found within the very same luggage as the key.
    One he used to wear back in his earlier years.

    "Not as early as that, but it'll do." E.D. sighed to himself as he continued to play with the memories of the item.

  3. #3
    Slam Dunk Da Funk Soshi Kitai is making a name for themselves Soshi Kitai is making a name for themselves Soshi Kitai's Avatar
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    Re: Changing Into Your Old Clothes

    Update:

    ^^; Nope, not there.
    I suppose it's confession time:
    Er... mags?
    You know how you made me get rid of ALL of mei's stuff?

    .... ^__^;;;;;;;; er........
    Supposedly I kept ONE letter with me for YEARS.
    <___< And uh...
    It was in that safe. (originally it had been in a hidden slot in one of my old books)

    ^^; I more than likely threw it out the last time I cleaned out the safe.
    >>; Probably thought "y'know what, I don't need this anymore" and threw it out.

    ^^; Sorry I was looking for it.
    Just needed something to connect my memories to those days.
    My brain was breaking from all the memories that were rushing through me - I wanted/needed to hold something that kept them focused.

    ^^; I love you don't kill me~

  4. #4
    is On Point Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi's Avatar
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    Re: Changing Into Your Old Clothes

    i won't kill you... it's just....

    her stuff has cooties, why did you put it with ours?

  5. #5
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    Re: Changing Into Your Old Clothes

    I hid it inbetween my stuff, I never let it touch your stuff. ^^;

    I luv u hun~ Please don't hate me~ D:

    ): Ask anything you want, I'll be honest with ye.

  6. #6
    is On Point Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi's Avatar
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    Re: Changing Into Your Old Clothes

    i just feel jealous is all.... not hateful... i don't feel like i've been lied to...

    i guess it's just that... you're not the only one who is going through this change, i am too...

    And it's a lot to deal with.
    Unaccustomed to other girls' name being said...

    And it hasn't been fair for you all these years, i've had work, i've had friends....
    you had four walls, a cranky mom, dud brothers, and a computer that would break all the time.


    i am and always will be your jealous puppy. And that's not bad. cuz God is jealous for the people He loves. And i am jealous for you.

    and i still like this new/old you

  7. #7
    Slam Dunk Da Funk Soshi Kitai is making a name for themselves Soshi Kitai is making a name for themselves Soshi Kitai's Avatar
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    Re: Changing Into Your Old Clothes

    ): A lotta' people were a part of my life, hun.
    I had to shut them out for you, and many of them were my friends.
    I still like saying their names in my head and worry about them constantly.

    Mei just happens to be one of the biggest influences on my life.
    I still miss her company.
    But I love you now. You know I do, I know I do.
    It was just always depressing that just mentioning my ol' friends got ya' so steamed.
    Like I couldn't have any friends or memories that weren't about you.

    I had my life too y'know.
    I know it's hard adjusting to all this for you, but it's a confusing storm of emotions and memories inside me right now.

    (: I'll tell you anything else you wish to know.
    I'll be hesitant, but I will be honest.

    And this journal section will constantly be filled with those truths now (except for any that I feel should be private between us).
    Just keep me sane please, this all really sucks right now. D:

  8. #8
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    Re: Changing Into Your Old Clothes

    i have shut out people for you too... friends, family
    i have lied for you, coerced, deceived, even ran away
    i live with you

    and i don't .... i just....

    you are my Sweetheart, my Darling, my One and Only, my Best Friend.

    and i know it sucked for you to give up everything. but you know what? we demanded it from each other, we needed each other, we need each other.

    especially in those formative years. i needed all of you. you need all of me... every last bit...

    what i'm trying to say is... i'm not used to sharing you. and just like you're sorting out all your new/old emotions... i do too. and, this sucks for me too...

    i don't want to want to the #2 of you back. want to stick it out with #3, i want all of you....

    and i don't even know what i'm saying anymore

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