Do you know what I like most about journals?
You can write whatever the hell you feel like writing. Even if it doesn't make any sense at all.
As long as it conveys a feeling, it can be written in a journal. Otherwise, you're trying too hard to seem interesting.
And I'm not sure why I prefer online journals over hand-written journals...
I used to have a good amount of hand-written journals, but when I really started getting into the internet (a year after the early-internet-fad years), I started dropping those journals.
:/ Man, at least I could draw on those journals to express how I feel - instead of openning up a program in order to mouse-drag my feelings onto a virtual box. *sigh* That was one thing really cool about hand-written journals, they felt real... really real. As if your soul was in it as well.
But I suppose being the quiet kid I was back then, I just really liked being heard... I kinda' wanted people to find my secret online journals. I wanted them to read it. It feels rather lonely when you can't communicate well with the rest of the world - you wish to at least feel like you're worth something. You wish to feel that someone might care what you have to say...
And I still stick to online journals to this day. Not for being read anymore, but just cuz I'm used to it. Nowadays, any hand-written journals suddenly go missing after a week. It's like a curse for me or something. o_o
Though it definitely does give me the pressure I need to watch my words.
I often offend, confuse, and alienate people... I also often embarrass, humiliate, and kill myself... all because of the things I type.
I'm still not good at communicating, and I still have several pieces of me that tend to get carried away with what I say.
It's not that I can't control what I say, it's just that I feel irrational - in several several several ways. And I tend to say it. I tend to do it. And I definitely regret it.
... it sucks...
I keep thinking to myself "Oh, I can just think twice before I say/do"... nope... by the time I'm going to say/do, the part of me that's going to say/do it, is 100% convinced (even after thinking 5x) that it's going to say/do something smart.
*facepalm* It's so stupid... so stupid!
... people are quick to assume it's bipolar... I don't think it is...
I think it's just me leaving many things unresolved in the past, and I'm paying for it. :/
Ah well... gotta' go!