We'll pray for you Atomic!
I have a lot on my mind. I've had nothing but time to think lately. There's so much going on in my life. I start outpatient rehab today--it's what the county is willing to pay for--so, I'm a bit nervous. I've never been in a rehab program before. It's voluntary, so it's not like I'm being forced to do it, but for some reason, I can't shake this feeling that I should be worried about how treatment will turn out.
My grandpa was hospitalized on Friday. Nobody knows what's wrong with him. They found him unconcious and he wasn't breathing. He was finally able to open his eyes on Sunday, but isn't speaking. The doctors say they don't know how much his brain was affected because nobody knows how long he went without breathing. He's still in the ICU. Nobody's heard from my dad since Friday, due to him being a firefighter and he's been at the station the past few nights. I hope he's doing okay.
We'll pray for you Atomic!
sorry to hear about your grand pa man i hope he recovers. and when it comes to anxiety all you can do is try and be postive about things atleast thats what i have read about it since i have been having anxiety attacks recently from being stressed about things.
and i hope rehab works for you man i will keep my fingers crossed for you.
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
Isolate and save you from yourself
Thanks you guys! ^_^
I talked to my dad yesterday, he said he's doin' good--despite what's goin' on with HIS dad, so that's pretty cool. I guess grandpa opened his eyes for a while and the doctors thought he was doin' okay on Sunday but, my pops tells me that he's on life support now and is unconcious. I hope that things work out okay. My grandpa's a strong man, so it's strange to see him in this situation.
Well, I was on the phone with my friend Jeremy--on my way out of treatment for the day--and I didn't notice I had received a text from my sister. So, when I get on the bus to leave, I check my messages and the text from my sister said that they're going to pull the plug on my grandpa tomorrow... I had no way to get to the hospital that he's in, so I don't get to say goodbye to him. It's pretty depressing... I didn't get to say goodbye to my grandma before she passed (this last September). I suppose it's out of my control, so I'm trying to accept it.
My friend, Larry, told me that I shouldn't let these recent events get to me to the point of getting back in to old habits--IE: Drinking and smoking. And I don't plan on letting that happen. My grandma dying is what got me drinking pretty heavy this last fall and I don't want to be back in the same position I was in toward the beginning of winter... I just got sixty days of sobriety today and don't wanna ruin it by letting current events be the cause of my relapse. Although, I DID think about it for a little while. But, when I talked to Larry, it reminded me that I'm trying to do better than that.
ANYWAY, I'm gonna try to leave my groups early tomorrow so I can be with my dad and my other brothers and sisters. We, as a family, need to stick together in times like this and I want to be sure everyone's doin' okay. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to sleep tonight... As soon as I wake up tomorrow, if I DO sleep, I'm gonna be waking up knowing that I lost another relative and it pains me to know that. My brother and sister (Mark, Jr. and LaToya) seem to be taking this better than I imagined. However, I dunno how Denzel, Dorothy (who's named after my dad's mother who passed when I was seven), and my step-siblings are taking it. So, I'm gonna go over there and try to be supportive; maybe even obtain some support.
I haven't seen my grandpa in about six or seven years and I couldn't be there for him in the hospital. I don't know how I should feel about that. A HUGE part of me is kicking the other part of me in the teeth. I feel so rotten for not being there--though it's out of my control--and it really, really bothers me. I've always looked up to my grandpa. He was always lookin' out for the "younger brothers". Makin' sure we all learned some kind of trade and if we didn't, he'd suggest we do so until he was blue in the face. He'd ask us what we want to do for a living and I would always tell him that I wanted to be a cartoonist. He'd always ask in reply, "Do they have room for black folks in that field?" God, I love that man! I'm really gonna miss him. I already do...
I don't even know why I'm babbling anymore. Does any of this make any sense? Whatever, it needed to come out. Anywho, keep me and my family in your prayers. I'm gonna meditate and play some Pokemon--try to take my mind off of things.