Something's been on my mind... On X-mas, I had a bit of a skirmish with an ex and my mom and I were having a pretty deep--yet dark--conversation. It kinda was more like a heated debate for a while, but anywho... My mom said something that kinda made me cringe, due to how I've been feeling for the last year or so.
"Well, you know Sprout," For the record, my mom calls me by my birth-given name, but nobody else really calls me that. "Our family isn't really capable of having any type of decent relationship with anyone." I'm sure that I'm not quoting her word-for-word, but that was about what she said.
It got me thinking. What if it's true? What if every relationship I've been in ended because of the fact that I'm genetically disposed to have sh*tty relationships, or have them end in a really bad way? The last year or so--maybe two now, it's hard to keep track--I've told myself and others that I'd never be in a relationship again.
In my opinion, it's too stressful. You go home from work and you're on someone else's clock. From work to work. You work to keep you happy, you work to keep her happy, and in my personal experience; all that work is for naught. I've broken a few hearts and have had my heart broken way too many times. They all end bad--some because they were bad midway in the relationship. So, I feel like I'm better off without. I've been more constructive lately anyway. I'm free, I guess...
Anyway, now I'm starting to feel like that I'm wrong and my mom's right (none of our views are good ones in anyone else's opinion, I'm sure), and y'know, I take after my mom in a lot of ways. From the words I choose (80 percent, tops) to the schools I attend and the jobs I take. She went to Franklin Jr. High, so did I--even turned down a chance to go to a top-notch private school at the time. My mom attended North High School, I followed suit. Her band instructor at North was a man named Mr. Clark. The very same man taught my band class at Franklin.
Mom went to Twin Cities OIC for vocational school after she had me. I went the the same school, now called Summit Academy OIC twice and graduated a year before my son, Jeremiah, was born (both of us certified administrative assistants). Plus, we both worked at Lincoln Elementary at the same time! When she worked there a secretary in the main office, I worked as an educational assistant while she was still attending college to be a teacher! She graduated and became a teacher a year after I graduated from Summit.
Let's not forget that she told me I should be an art teacher and the idea is one that I often consider...
So, what if she's right? I AM my mother's child after all. I only take after my biological father in a few small ways. I never knew him 'til a little over 8 years ago--I'm 28. I'm straying from the point. I fear that even if I chose to go back in the dating/long-term relationship game, I'm gonna be cursed to never be happy with someone. My mom's been married twice, both marriages ended negatively, although her and my dad--my brother and sister's bio-dad--speak on good terms when they have to and her and my step-dad are kinda cool. But her and the step-dad had a very f*cked up relationship. VERY f*cked up!! Him and I got in to fights when they didin't. Not to mention that my five year old sister, Grace's dad and my mom--though never married--had a pretty iffy relationship. Not horrible, but it wasn't all that great. As far as I know, my mother doesn't wanna ever get married again. I wouldn't...
My grandmother never was really all to affectionate with my mother and uncles when they were growing up, and my great-grandmother treated my grandma like dirt; we won't go in to details on that one. I wouldn't have the time.
Am I destined to live alone? Is my refusal to ever be in a relationship due to the fact that I'm doomed to live that way, not because I choose to live that way? Do my genes play THAT big of a role in my life? What does that mean for my friends? For my son??? The last few weeks have got me all sorts of confused and I really don't know how I should feel about any of it. A part of me is anxious/worried and there's a part of me that's cool with the idea. But then there's the part of me that says I shouldn't worry, because if I was meant to be with someone, the universe will work that out for me.
What would you think if your mom/dad said somethin' like that to you?
Last edited by atomik_sprout; Jan 09, 2009 at 08:28 PM. Reason: my mom DOES call me by my birth name!!
You know what man, as cliche as it sounds you can't let it bother ya. As a matter of fact I know what you talking about. Hell, my father said that woman in our family will never lead good lives (as in sisters, wives, etc) How you think that makes me feel??
Anyways back about you. If it feels like work then it's not right. Don't they say if you love your job if you'll never have to work a single day. Relationship = work, but if you love it enough you'll never feel like working.
'Cause you give me something / That makes me scared, alright / This could be nothing / But I'm willing to give it a try / Please give me something
'Cause someday I might call you from my heart
Yeah, you've got a point. They're merely words (though I personally think what your dad said is a low blow). But my mom's words kinda hold some truth. There's the pattern. That's the part that bothers me. I never really put it all together until my mom said that. I kinda just assumed that plenty of families were like my mom's/grandmother's way back in the day. But then again, I suppose that I--or one of my siblings--could break the cycle.Originally Posted by Legend
No actually my dad doesn't say it just to say it, it does hold some truth and there are some details I'm not throwing in (to not bored you).
Even if it's true you can't do much except setting up the following generations to break the chain. You should try to break the cycle yourself, but if you can't then at least let your child have a good start to success. By now you should know, being someone who was part of the cycle, to tell your kid what not to do and what to avoid.
'Cause you give me something / That makes me scared, alright / This could be nothing / But I'm willing to give it a try / Please give me something
'Cause someday I might call you from my heart
True that. I suppose I can either accept my family curse and live with it or I can live with it while showing J-frog what to do/not do. Or, I can break the cycle myself. Who knows? Maybe my mom's words were only slightly true.
A little late to the reply, but what the heck.
Families may have curses not supposed to be genetic.
But it's eventually your choice whether to solve the curse, or just pass it on.
It's much like the problems of our nations, or in a more vague view, our world.
...if we keep trying to just pass off these problems to our children (just silencing it), it's ALWAYS going to be there. But we CAN solve it.
Same goes for you. Your family may not be known for good relationships, or a good outlook on relationships on that matter (I don't see relationships as work, I see them as partnership in order to make life easier to work through... if the relationship is well-matched), but you can break that mold if YOU REALLY WANTED TO.
If you're okay with it, then it'll stick.
^_^ it's also a family tradition of mine to have several divorces, illegitamite (spelling?) children, and jobs that pay bills but don't make them happy...
^____^ and i'm not following a damn inch of it!
focus on you being you, not what Mamacita and Papacita accuse you of being (a little harsh, but you get my drift)...
No matter what anyone thinks, you are not your parents. you do not have their life. you do not have their luck. you don't even have the same decisions as they did...
what's important, is finding someone who loves you for you, and the mistakes you might make or the drama that may happen or whatever... or maybe, letting someone find you instead?? oh! suspense!!
It's a lil' late for me to be reading and replying to this, but thanks to all of you! ^_^
I appreciate your words of advice/encouragement. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders since I wrote that journal entry and talked to a few close friends about it. Maybe I'll find someone and have a decent/good relationship, or maybe not. But I suppose that's not my call to make. If I am to have a GF/wife (whatever), the universe'll work that out for me.
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