I dig the new layout and color scheme.
A lot has changed. I have broken up with my boyfriend and stay with my mom for right now.
It hurt and still does sometimes but I will make it through.
I have been working out,w hich I am VERY proud of. A friend said he could already feel the little muscles building up in there. Gotta get more on it though because I slack a lot. But I am determined to lose this extra skin without surgery. I want boobs if I can do it. And a butt lift cus I got no booty. LOL!
I am applying for state assistance but only to hold me over until I get some word on social security. It's taken me so long, despite EVERYONE in my life telling me I need to apply for it because I didn't want to believe I was that dysfunctional. But.... I am. I can barely leave my house. Even with the meds I've been on for a few weeks now. I also see a therapist that I really like.
I am so nervous today though. I minimalize things so I told the psych. the bare minimum for my meds. So now I get to go in there and tell her exactly how really truely horrible life has been for me. Especially since I had children. How hard it is for me to leave the house at all. How hard it is to talk on the phone. How hard it is to deal with the people I do KNOW sometimes. How hard it is to do anything every day. And it's going to be hard and I'm having anxiety about it because I know I am going to bawl. Possibly get hysterical. I really need her to fill this paperwork out in my favor. Or I won't get what I need. And I need some money and I need a place to stay and I need a life. I want to go to school really bad but I'm not near ready for that at all. GOD I hope she helps me with this.
I also have to ask for an increase in my kpin and I need to ask for a stupid mood stabilizer because I am still depressed and it is tending to give me anxiety.
Anyways.... I am exhausted and I have to get ready to go so I guess I will post again later with something hopefully more interesting.
Oh wait I forgot. I've been asked out a few times already. But I asked a close friend to take me out instead. He rocks and he makes me laugh. So I am going to go out with him. We already have a "Mutilation" date set for when I get some money to get me a piercing and him a tattoo. I think it sounds like great fun. He intimidates me a little bit though because he's smarter then me. At least I think he is. But he's a musician. He's artistic. He has piercings. He's taller then me. All great things. I am not usually attracted to white guys but I'm attracted to him! LOL But it's a "No hanky panky" date anyways. Even though I intend on wearing the cutest tightest smallest dress my ass owns. And that's because that's the whole reason I wanted to be taken out. Was to wear that dress and the shoes I got to go with it. So I hope we have fun. He said some time next week.
You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!