Yanno what I hate the most?
No seriously. Generally speaking I hate people, everyone. For no reason.
But what I hate about people specifically, is secracy. Denying the truth, lying, disloyalty.
I hate when people are unrealistic or just plain untruthful about their feelings, about what's going on with them. How they're doing.
I get asked about someone I'm not longer speaking to, that I was asked about today matter of fact, pretty regularly. And I realized recently that I have no effing clue. Because he's always playing that happy shiney zen guy. Which I know is total bull. Not just a little either. Or at least it wasn't until recently. But even when he started feeling better he didn't feel like he could be upfront or honest with me when I asked him about certain things. It pushed me towards an already hard decision I was contemplating. It was as you would say the straw that broke the camels back.
He wants me to believe he's all broken up about our friendship ending. But he's not. He's going about his business as usual. Playing that happy shiney person. But he's so self-serving, I'm sure he really IS happy and shiney and zen. Now that he ain't gotta hear my nagging and complaining. I mean I wouldn't blame him of course. I'm a source of a lot of pain for him. But it still hurts.
I made this decision. I ended things, just like I ended our intimate relationship. Despite having feelings still, despite wanting him still I left him. And now it's the same sort of thing. I know it has to end or I'll never move on and be HAPPY, and either will he. But I hurt. I hurt a lot. I hurt so much I started an argument this morning wit the boyfriend because I was feeling left over messed up. I resent all the things he didn't do for me. All the disappointments and pain. But I -miss- him already and boy does that make me feel ass backward retardo for sure. But like the break up I have to move on. Find other things to do with my day then talk to or hang out with him. He's moving on to classes for the fall and stuff anyways. He doesn't need me like he thinks he does. And maybe one day I will be able to not resent and hate him for everything he did wrong to me and embrace the way he is when you hang out with him in person. Even if that person is fake.
I'm just sad me and the rest of his reality weren't good enough for him. That he has to live in fantasy land instead. And I will keep missing him. But peach has been making that easier, and rasean has been eating up my time too. I also spent a lot of time getting things done around my house today which made me feel proud and productive. Tomorrow I call the school.
Re: Yanno what I hate the most?
I hurts to see where people place priority... Who they allow themselves to "forget". Who they are willing to toss aside... who they're willing to let walk away.
It hurts even worse to know that the someone who would let you go, was someone you tried so hard to hold on to.
In your situation at least said person wants you to believe they're sad over not having you around. Lucky you?
I understand the feeling of hurt. I had been doing far to much, and hoping for far to much in return. Trying to really love someone.... the way you'd like to be loved... and not getting it back. Some people think that's a righteous way to live. I know from experience tho..... it hurts. I don't care how righteous one claims to be... we all wanna be loved back.
I guess I just get to a point where..... any love I feel, for a person who won't return it...... will just be that unspoken, unseen kind of... distant love. That way there is no expectation of the favor to be returned.
One thing I know for sure...... I don't want my children to ever feel how it feels to love someone beyond comprehension.... Only for that person to disappoint them. I know life is full of disappointment... But I can do what I can to protect them from as much as I can of it.
My only advice to you would be, LET GO. Its been hard for me to let go of certain people in my past. Past situations.... Mainly because I kept finding myself in the present... dealing with the same person, and similar situations. my past\present\future.... was all a blur. I wanted him to fix what was broken in the past.... so I could enjoy my present with him, and build a future.... the problem is... that all required HIM to be on the same page. And he wasn't... and I cant change that. But I can remove myself.... and now..... its like the broken past is something Im detached from, rather than something I'm hoping to fix.
You've had the luxery of MOVING ON!..... But.... you really haven't... No matter where you end up in your friendship endeavors. Do take advantage of the CURRENT man you have... and do go letting the past foil that. ...... I KNOW THAT WHAT I PLAN ON DOING! <3
Re: Yanno what I hate the most?
Anyone who says they love someone and don't want to be loved back is a damn ass lie. Because that hurts. A lot. I've been there. I have this gross habit of falling for men who don't want me (thankfully I think I grew out of finding those.). I have moved on romantically speaking. I would never let him get that close to my heart again but I can't deny that he took some of it with him when I left. It was after all similar to ripping the bandaid off. As was the ending of the friendship. I thought about it plenty but made no decisions and then one day it was just time. It'd been enough. I moved on but I didn't get over it. I didn't get over all the things he did wrong and continued to do wrong. And I still can't. He's mad at me for that. But there is nothing I can do about it. I have tried. I have spent four years being his "friend" and trying to let things go and move on. It got easier to detach once I found someone to move on to. but that didn't make anything he did hurt less. It didn't make it possible for me to act as if they didn't happen,especially when new incidences crept in.