Thread: Just some deep dark thoughts..

You're forgetting that Chimpanzee's and other large primates actually wage war, much like we do. One group kills another group.

Male Lions will eat their own children if the mother doesn't chase him off when they're young.

While we take the cake, we're not the only ones that are dark and do things that are against nature.

Did you know that there was a certain breed of ferret in which males raid dens filled with newborn babies when the momma isn't around and rape the female youngins? That the sperm had a delayed effect until the females reached maturity and VOILA!! "Immaculate" Births ! I saw something years ago about this on the discovery channel and it intrigued me ever since.

"Let's do it like they do on the Dis-cov-er-Y Chan-NEL!!" Gives it a new meaning in my eyes.

*Shrug* anyways, you cannot have the good without the bad. If you didn't have one, how would you know what the other was?

in Yu Yu Hakusho, there was this thing called "Chapter Black"...
it was basically a video tape that had all the horrible things mankind has ever done...
literally a thousand hours of rape, murder, torture, all the worst, most unspeakable things that mankind has ever done...

won't get into the whole story, but there was a kid who was forced to watch it...
the whole thing...
and this kid was pretty sensitive to begin with, so you can imagine what that did to him...

but, ya know why he joined Yusuke's side?
even though he had every reason not to?


he saw the light...
not so much the light of God, or the light of hope...

he saw the light in people, that little light we all have when we do something good...

like... how do i explain it...

it's the little things...
like when you see someone bag an old lady's groceries just cause, like he doesn't even work there...
or when you see people helping someone push their stalled car out of the street...

or even when people hold the door open for you...

there's no difference between us and them; the celibate or the rapists; the Boy Scouts or the Hell's Angels; the winners or the quitters...
but there is that light, the one that makes us unique, whole, good...

( ^o^)/ i dunno, that's just what Abu focuses on~
the Sosh is better at these kinds of questions~

Humanity sucks. To not say "as a whole" seems like a lie.
It just seems that there's no such thing as a "true hero" anymore.
There's only bastards and victims. And the "heroes" either only affect small parts of the world - easily being forgotten/ignored/disrespected soon after - or they become corrupted.

I understand what you mean. If it weren't for Abu, my room would be filled with books, films, and etc with psychopaths, murderers, demon-worshipers, and etc.
Not because I agree with them, but just my ever-growing curiosity for them.

The sick people things people do, it's horrifying and hateful - but almost unreal. Like an otherworldly art that should never have existed, yet it's here.
Not sure if that's how you feel about it, but that's my curiosity towards them. That wrenching feeling, that almost forbidden aura that races through - addicting, yet angering.

It just seems like the "niceness", the "kindness", the "goodness" of people only goes as far as short-time heroism or living a life of innocence. ... yet innocence seems weak and blind - something you appreciate, yet never aspire to be. And the heroism is something you aspire to be, yet it just never looks worth it.

... during my years of silent treatment that I gave everyone, I learned to hate people. Through the years, I did nothing but try my hardest to make people laugh, make people happy. It made those bad feelings go away... the anger people had towards each other... the sadness that would quiet the air... the awful treatment others would impose on everyone... those would go away if I could just make them laugh.
And I did... I thought it would get me respect, the respect my dad promised I would get for being a good person. I didn't want to be pinned a hero, I just wanted everyone to calm down and just have fun - like we always did - and in return, people would be thankful towards me.

But it was the opposite, people took advantage of me. Even the kindest of girls seemed to turn against me if I didn't do what they told me to do - as if I were some kind of toy. Like some kind of entertainment piece. I wasn't a friend to these people anymore, they hated it everytime I opened my mouth and nothing funny came out.
I hated that. I wasn't just some toy, I wasn't just some machine that made people happy. It felt like I wasn't human to them anymore.
So I shunned them away. I went quiet and didn't talk anymore. Never uttering a single word unless I HAD to (teacher's asking questions and such).
...and in that quiet time, I grew a curiosity of all the "bad" things people did. As if I wanted something to blame them for. As if I wanted something that would give me a reason, give me a purpose to hate them. That if I were to kill any of them, I wouldn't feel any guilt.



....... in a fashion, I succeeded. I don't feel guilt if I meant to hurt people. I don't feel any pain if I've ruined someone's day or life. As long as I meant it, as long as I knew why I was doing it: it never came back to bite me. These people didn't deserve pity. And I still give none.
I can still look at a pregnant mother these days and think of all the horrible ways the child could grow up, knowing the chances the child can grow up into just like everyone else: liars, deceivers, vermin, freaks, creeps, horribles, psychos, etc... and when I thought of that, I knew I would feel no guilt if that mother's life was ended at that moment.
And it's true... you could tell me the saddest stories, and I would feel no sadness or guilt for them.

- Unless if the person were truly genuine. If a being, a person, a creature were truly genuine in who they were - in what they were - I would feel sadness for them. I don't have anything against people, I don't... I have everything against these... these...... freaks....

In truth, no person is born evil.
That was just the brainwashing that Christian and Catholics gave in order to make everyone aware of the sins they would birth into this world. ...and for non-religious types: It's their excuse.
Everyone claims that it's human nature to be bad... to be horrible... to kill... to fight......



........... please believe me, I'm truly being honest with you, with everything I am right now: No we're not...
We're not supposed to be like this!
We've excused ourselves for too long.
Trying to make sure we never felt these guilts. Blocking them away. Smothering them with shit, to make ourselves feel better with what we've become...

I still remember the good times we all had... those small moments when we would just play and never care... just smiles... when I could just tug on a stranger's arm and they'd still be willing to help...
It was when that horrible feeling was gone....... that awful feeling... that heart-wrenching... wretched... sickening... feeling.......
It's not human nature to be like this. We just became too curious. We became too curious.

I may sound crazy: but there's nothing wrong with killing. Genuinely, there's nothing wrong with killing, as long as there's no ill-feeling towards it... as long as that creature knows that it's their time to go... as long as that being knows what will happen to them after this...

Don't compare our killings with the killings of those seeking to survive in the wild... they're nowhere near the same thing...
We've been corrupted. Through years of breeding and raising. We've taught each other that it's okay to be a bastard... to be a sick son of a bitch... because one of us had to be so STUPID to create a new way to do something - even though we were just fine with how things were!
It has been bred throughout our generations, but no one's listening to each other... no one's really listening to each other... and I hate it... I HATE IT SO MUCH!

....... I don't want to be angry anymore.....
I really........ I really don't........

But I have to be.... I have to be... because no one else is doing this...
We all depend on God, or some higher being to do these things for us... but if these higher beings truly created us, then they also gave us the tools to judge ourselves...

Most of us don't have a right to judge one another because we're far too-corrupted to tell what truly is "right and wrong".
But some of us... we can...
We can tell what's wrong...
That feeling... I hate that feeling...

We can't just keep hiding. We have to do something about it. We can't just shrug our shoulders anymore......
We can't just let our children just continue being corrupted... it's so stupid... I can see every lie fed to them... given by their "normal" parents, and "normal" lives. I HATE IT. It's all a lie...

I hate being so angry...
But... I have to... because the patient have died...
The patients are still dying... the humble are ignored... the kind ones are being taken advantaged of.....
No one's getting the message across...

So I stick with this anger. This goddamned fire inside myself. Having a whip-like tongue that lashes at anyone's movement... they don't deserve forgiveness, not now at least...
Don't give them their chances anymore... deny them... they don't deserve these stupid second chances they've been given over their existence...

...they don't deserve anything.....

thanks guys,
and
1. Ace, I did not know that. Is it messed up that I would like to see the war of the apes?

2. Taurus, dude, I know the discovery channel has some crazy shit on there. Check out the history channel too. There's God vs. Satan, which is so freaking awesome.

3. Abu, you are good with these kind of questions, you just approach them a different way. And considering that the darkest side I've seen of Abu is her temporary rants, I can see her as someone who focuses on the good. Which is a nice switch, because now I think more and more we start to analyze the bad.

4. On the other hand, Soshi addresses some of the darkest sides of us, and not only that, but the fury against it. And I think to the unread eye it could be seen as him hating humanity, but that's the blunt way out of it.
There's things that are much deeper that runs under the surface, and even though people may just label it as hate, I think it's something that borders frustration and rage. Which can be said as hate, but there is a difference. And the fact is that not all of humanity is ignorant to the dark side of it, but who can actually stop it?
I know how you feel. I used to look up some horrible shit, and I was shocked at first, but them I wouldn't be phased by it. Stuff like women killing their children, abuse, rape, extortion, murder, serial killers etc.
Then I started going to my mom's lectures on the psychology of human Violence and Aggression. There I saw some seriously dark shit. A video of a man being stab to death in prison. Actual footage of some guys gurgling on the floor dying with zoom up on his face and the life left his eyes. And I found him pathetic. I felt strangely enthralled by watching someone who I know wasn't innocent die.
Then I studied serial killers, and saw actual pictures of the Jack the Ripper murders, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and the Lizzie Bordon murders.
And what caused these serial killers? Their mothers sodomizing them with broomsticks when they were five, molestation, deaths, torturing small animals, etc.

Maybe it was the movies I saw when I was younger too. Seeing the Exorcist at age 5. Again at 7. Apparently my mother's way of keeping me from being bad.The Clockwork Orange(uncensored) at 10. Countless horror films. The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre at 4.
I felt like Alex in a Clockwork Orange. Watching all the horrors of humanity only made me felt bad for a little, and then I felt good.

Books, Watchmen, GOTH(manga), The Tragic History of Dr. Faustus,MW, IT, The Exorcist, Death Note, Requiem for a Dream, Paradise Lost, any horror I can get my hands on. Edgar Allan Poe was great, but it was too light for me.

Everyone thought I was pretty f**king morbid, and my mom freaked out. Especially when she saw my own writings. I used to write about all of this too. I couldn't draw it, because I could never draw all the shit that went through my mind. I developed insomnia, i still have it.

Then when I was 12, I tried suicide. I figured my soul was already rotten. And I was curious. So as I lay all rotten in a pool of blood, and having spending some time in a room where they were afraid I'd kill myself with a felt pen, let's say I began to think a little more on the light side.

So I still hate humanity, as people calling it, but I did find a light side. Because as Taurus said it can't exist without evil. I reread what I piled together, and I decided upon that conclusion. But realized that is no conclusion. Paradise Lost did it for me. Brings it all back, and it actually started to disturb me the second time around. Sin comes out of Satan, he rapes his daughter, and from her comes their child, Death. He rapes his mother Sin. And she turns into the beast with serpents and hounds of hell.

But this freaked me out this time. Let's say, by seeing the light it made me sensitive to the ultra violence I was so curious about before. But now, I'm only sensitive to certain things. Incestuous sexual abuse and animal torture being the main ones.

The animal thing really hits hard, because I loved animals, and they were always kind to me. And the ones that I had were so happy and peaceful... and most of all innocent. Humans are riddled with corruption, but I want other races to be safe from that. Dumb, but that's how I think.

I think the stories that actually made me think clearer are Shojo Kakumei Utena, Angel Sanctuary, and Buddha. (all manga, i know.) Angel Sanctuary showed me that all evil was light once, and not all light is pure too. Shojo Kakumei Utena showed me there is an escape from all the f**ked up things we do. Buddha showed that suffering was necessary. And that even if we are all screwed, it gives us the opportunity to be good.

I still feel as though I am all alone in this world, and the few people who I feel can love me or understand me seem unattainable right now, I think that I'll be reunited. Hopefully.

Considering the fact that I have no religion, but believe in God, but follow Buddhist believes most...I still am trying to understand why I'm alive. And I think it's because the few people that realize how horrible humans are the ones who have an opportunity to change at least yourself, and more people if you can. That or you could fall into the trap of the darkness of humanity. And become what you hate.

Wow, sorry guys that response was waay too long. but thanks for listening, I like all of your guy's points, and all have introduced more complex perspectives. (yay!).
Which I think about when it's 4 in the morning and can't sleep.

^_^ i don't think it's sensitivity when things like the devil and demons and stuff get to you, i think that's perfectly normal...

cuz when ya think about it, wouldn't it be abnormal to NOT be afraid of bringer of hell and damnation?

( ^o^)/ and thank you for opening up Emo~, it's good to get those feelings out, cuz if they stay in too long they fester and smell real bad~