Arrianna

Fantastic Families: 6 Proven Steps to Building a Strong Family

No, I am not reviewing the book but since we always seem to be discussing relationships of some kind or another I thought I would list the six steps as I have had them described to me (I don't own the book ).

1. Commitment
2. Spending Time Together
3. Effective Communications
4. Express Appreciation
5. Problem Solving in a Crises
6. Strong Spiritual Commitment

Commitment is the first because of all six it is the most important.


So what do you think? Agree, disagree?


The source of this list and the basis of the book is from a survey of "14,000 families studied over twenty-five years" all over the world.

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tsurara

I agree with all but 6.

Aethists and agnostics raise intelligent, well-rounded children all the time.

Teaching your children what their options and raising them in the tradition of your family is one thing... indocrinating them heart and soul into a religion before they're old enough to make choices for themselves is another. It might make your family stronger... but taking it too far might do more harm to the kids than good.

And while I firmly believe it's a parent's right to teach their own children whatever the heck they think is best... I'm pretty sure that a strong "spiritual" lifestyle isn't a pre-requisite to a happy, well-functioning family.

I would also tend to think that "discipline" needs to be in there somewhere... negotiating with your toddler isn't going to get you (or them) very far ~_~;

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lebasiara

Agree with you tsurara ^_^

I am not into push kids or any member of the family to a certain religion or belief... however I do believe that you can teach them all about it without pushig anything on them, they will decide what to do when they are old enough and mature enough.

Yes discipline has to be there. Not mistreatment but discipline... there is a huge difference on those two. haha... there is no negociation with your toddler ^_^... they've to learn there is an authority in home and they have to respect it... ^_^ Not an authoritarian parent... but an authoritative parent. ^_^

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Awesome sig Yasmine ^_^ I appreciate it thank you very much ^_^

Arrianna

And yet survey after survey shows that those with a strong spiritual commitment has a 24% increased chance of having a lasting marriage and a strong, united, family.(same book as source)

also
Religion linked to stronger family relationships
Getting Religion: How Teens Come to Faith
etc.etc...


Like it or not it is a contributing factor for those wishing to build a strong family. Don't have one? Your percentage chance of succeeding decreases, you just have to decide if it is worth it to you.


Oh, and those who have a strong spiritual belief are also more likely to teach their children discipline too so there you go.

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tsurara

The book you're quoting uses the Bible as a primary resource... it's obvious where it's agenda lies :P

Surely you don't think children being raised in radical islam (forced to wear burkas at age 13 reguardless of their opinions on the matter) or are on the streetcorner with "God Hates Fags" and "Thank Heaven For Dead Soldiers" signs are better off than children who are being raised to believe in evolution?

Some studies may indeed show that religious families are more likely to be NUCLEAR families... but I'm of the belief that a 2 parent family is just as likely to screw up their kids as a single-parent one.

Studies also show that atheists and agnostics tend to be from the higher economic eschelons and have rather high levels of education compared to the uber-religious. They also show that there are nearly no athiests in prison... prisoners are overwhelmingly religious. Aethists, oddly enough, also have the lowest divorce rate according to these studies. A great majority of scientists identify themselves as agnostic or aethiest...

But those studies appear on pro-atheism sites... just like this book comes from a conservative religious author who thinks parenting guides should be full of Bible quotes.

I choose to give equal amount of credence to all those studies: I find them vaguely interesting and then I ignore them entirely based on my own common sense and experience.

I was raised without religion. I live in a country without religion. I teach 1500 little secular agnostics. And life goes on... this would seem to imply that religion can be entirely absent from the equation without catastrophic consequences.

That doesn't mean I don't think Religious people can raise their children.
But I'd appreciate religious people not telling me I don't know how to raise mine.

Atheist Empire: Atheist Population Statistics
http://atheistempire.com/reference/n...nchurched.html

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Shonen

I agree on everything else but #6. Swap it with "Discipline" and I'm happy.
Religion is not, and will not, be a required element of a successful family. Ever.

Another claim with no relevance to anything factual. You don't KNOW this, no survey in the world can PROVE this, all you got is "I say it is so". I'd also like to point out something that tsu mentioned before me:

Don't you dare tell me that the book can be considered a reliable source of information o.O

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tsurara

Whoa tiger, chill. It wasn't meant as a personal attack, it was an opinion. If you don't agree, that's cool... but don't take it personally.

And assuming you've never read the book, you have no idea whether or not it's resources are sound. They may very well be. All you know if the likely p.o.v. of the author. That creates a probable bias. It doesn't immediately make the research invalid.

Mind your manners. Or I will mind them for you. ie. the new #6. Discipline

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Shonen

Don't get me wrong, the "don't you dare" part is only there to put some weight in my post, not an indication of taking it personally

And, seeing as this is all about opinions, I do like to point out that as I see it, anything relying on the Bible as their primary resource, or at least relying heavily on it, can not be considered solid

Puhhhhllleeeaaassse spare me from the new #6, I'll be good

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Arrianna

Nice try but incorrect. It's primary source is a 25 + year study of 14,000 families all over the world, it is the largest study on the subject ever done. These 6 things were the ones found to be in common among ALL of them with strong family relationships. The book quotes the Bible on occasion because it does discuss religion (#6) including Judeo-Christian among others. Now you explain to me how you are going to discuss a "Strong Spiritual Commitment" without discussing the writings they are based on. Like it or not #6 was found to be a contributing factor and just dismissing it because you don't like it, while your prerogative, isn't going to change that.

Now those items were listed from the one with the most impact at the top and the least at the bottom. Yet you two are getting upset that the last one is something you don't like. If it makes that big a difference for others who are religious why are you taking the time to decry it? If you really believe in live and let live why should you even care?


My opinion as to why that might be there (besides the experience of watching it happen to people I know) is that religious belief structures for the vast majority include a belief in commitment (to marriage and other things) and include eternal consequences for those who don't live up to their responsibilities. It also tends to include a belief in the necessity of disciplining your children (not a random fact but found in one of the two links I gave you earlier). Atheistic and Agnostic beliefs do not. Sure there are both who believe the same thing but it is not "built in".




@tsurara, the links you provided were absolutely worthless to the point. A rant about how people who have a religion are living with a crutch and how in a scientific community that is antagonistic to religion there are more atheists and agnostics (big shock). A breakdown of world population that tries to make the number of atheists and agnostics look more impressive by giving the number per million instead of the percentage of world population... I am not impressed.

(I would love to see this study that shows atheists have less divorce however since every survey I have seen from any source says just the opposite. Or are they taking a total population poll instead of a sampling of those actually married first since atheists are also less likely to get married in the first place? PM me?)


Now can we please get back to discussing the list in general where relationships are concerned instead of ranting anti-religious outrage because they dared to include it?

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Shodokan

I'm pretty anti religious so I'll try hard to explain why number 6 is up there without being too harsh. Religious people tend to be obedient, devoted, commited or however you want to word it. So they're more likely to stick with their family no matter what because of their commitment.

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Astaroth

wow..I have to say I am impressed.....
I would have to agree with all six of those steps......and I would have to say that that 1 ,2 and 5 are the most important....I mean commitment...that is no brainier....if you could not follow that..then why did you get married in the first place?.......and if the couple does not spend time together then they grow more distant and a lot of problems with arise with that issue and also if the couple does not know how to solve problems together and work things out without arguing or going into a panic......then how can they be together at all......
But of course......more relationships and marriages would work out of both of the man and the woman could follow those steps....but in reality....things are not like that.....so perfect I mean......and that is why we see marriages fail and people divorce and be bitter towards each other...

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