Ha! good one.
If it's anything similar to a car engine, you probably just need a new washer for the bolt that keeps the oil in the engine on the bottom. Just make sure if you change oil from now on to no tighten the bolt like crazy.
Oh and when have you ever been wrong, if you feel that your wife's cheating on you she's cheating on you (see: office space).
EDIT: wait, you said valve covers?? Not sure then maybe it's best to take it to the dealer to get a look.