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Thread: do girlfriends/boyfriends ruin friendships?

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    Otaku Nightwish may be famous one day Nightwish may be famous one day Nightwish's Avatar
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    do girlfriends/boyfriends ruin friendships?

    this question kinda relates to what i am experiencing now. my friend ryan, who has never had a girlfriend in his life currently is engaging himself in one. now believe me, i am wicked proud of the guy. he is my best friend after all and i'm glad he's enjoying someone the way he is. the only downside is, is that the time that i would spend hanging out with him has gone to her. like today for example. mondays have always been our hang out days, but now he spends all day with his girl. now i truly like the girl. she's really nice and all but it just seems i'm losing time with my best friend. all the good times that i seem to have had in the past are all gone away. this might just be my imagination. this might just be something that will have no effect on the future. however from past experiences, i think i'm re-enacting something catastrophic. now i introduce the question again, do girlfriends/boyfriends destroy friendships?

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    Lord and Master Zarriff may be famous one day Zarriff may be famous one day Zarriff's Avatar
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    Re: do girlfriends/boyfriends ruin friendships?

    Well, think of it this way. He's never had a girlfriend, let alone a real one, and he finally has one. And as you said, she's really nice. So, as they always say, put yourself in his shoes. Ask yourself who you'd rather spend more time with; your girlfriend or your friend. I don't know if you have had a girlfriend before or not, but in the case that you fall in love with you she becomes a part of you. That is a much tighter bond than you would have with your best friend.

    Basically, you end up with two best friends. One is a part of you, and the other is simply your friend. If that makes any sense. While you may feel that it infinges on your friendship, you also have to consider what you would do in the same situation. In that aspect, I don't think that girlfriends/boyfriends ruin other friendships (but they can in other ways, but that is a different topic for a different time).

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    Re: do girlfriends/boyfriends ruin friendships?

    You know that one day all friends usally split up right? This maybe happening to you now :/ I wouldn't bother your friend and let him see if that could be his soulmate and all but I would try and maybe get another friend to hang out with time bein.

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    Otaku kinetic may be famous one day kinetic may be famous one day kinetic's Avatar
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    Re: do girlfriends/boyfriends ruin friendships?

    Hey I know what you r going through. I was the last to marry from my groug of misfits...friends And they stoped hanging out. But you must remember relationships take time and effort for them to work. And from what you said it sounds like he is tring hard, Zirriff is right though if you play your cards right and he hits it off then you get two friend for the price of one
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    Re: do girlfriends/boyfriends ruin friendships?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zarriff View Post
    Well, think of it this way. He's never had a girlfriend, let alone a real one, and he finally has one. And as you said, she's really nice. So, as they always say, put yourself in his shoes. Ask yourself who you'd rather spend more time with; your girlfriend or your friend. I don't know if you have had a girlfriend before or not, but in the case that you fall in love with you she becomes a part of you. That is a much tighter bond than you would have with your best friend.

    Basically, you end up with two best friends. One is a part of you, and the other is simply your friend. If that makes any sense. While you may feel that it infinges on your friendship, you also have to consider what you would do in the same situation. In that aspect, I don't think that girlfriends/boyfriends ruin other friendships (but they can in other ways, but that is a different topic for a different time).
    i see where u come from 100%. the only downside is is that they have almost nothing in common besides they work together and they like the same movies. i specifically like the "put yourself in his shoes" thing. i understand he enjoys the attention he's getting, especially from a chick, but they've only known each other for only about a month. i've known the guy for going on 8 years. i've endured more with him than i'm sure any other person will at this point in time, besides family. now i know what i'm about to say may sound a bit queer and homosexual but i miss him in a way. cuz now whenever we hang out, his chick's around and she changes him. it bugs me cuz he kinda changes himself for her. and all the fun i had with him is slowly lingering away. that kid is like a damn brother to me and to see him going away sucks. he's the only one i got left and if i lose him, i'll have no one but myself and a few friends i can't trust. i said this before, but i am proud of him. to see him around a girl is awesome but it hurts me all the same. any relationship i've had have endured him and most of the time they don't like him. and i always say if they don't like my "brother" for who he is, then jump up a rope. i just wish things could be like that. this brings up imfamous line in my mind: "bros before hoes."

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    Lord and Master Zarriff may be famous one day Zarriff may be famous one day Zarriff's Avatar
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    Re: do girlfriends/boyfriends ruin friendships?

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightwish View Post
    i see where u come from 100%. the only downside is is that they have almost nothing in common besides they work together and they like the same movies.
    My ex-girlfriend was the same with me. For the first few months she was the opposite of me. I was quite and reserved, she was very outgoing. I liked rock, she liked country and rap (that's never a good mix XD), she was an alchohalic while I don't drink, etc. But as I got to know her, it turned out that we liked the same foods, we thought almost the same, etc etc etc. The difference for me, was that I wasn't paying much attention to her for the first couple of months, and didn't fall in love with her for about 5 months. Why we're apart now is my fault, and nothing I could have helped, but that's a long story.

    Now, I can relate to what you're saying with your friend changing with the presence of his girlfriend. My best friend, who just got his first girlfriend, is much the same. His girlfriend is the opposite of him in all ways, which is for the worst, and he changed instantly to match her. That, however, is something he will have to learn from. in your case, if these changes are for the worse, then I would at least have a talk with your friend. Mine, for instance, won't hear a wor I say. XD So the things he doesn't realize about her he will have to learn from himself. but as you say, she is very nice so I don't see that being the same issue.

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    Otaku kinetic may be famous one day kinetic may be famous one day kinetic's Avatar
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    Re: do girlfriends/boyfriends ruin friendships?

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightwish View Post
    to see him around a girl is awesome but it hurts me all the same. any relationship i've had have endured him and most of the time they don't like him. and i always say if they don't like my "brother" for who he is, then jump up a rope. i just wish things could be like that. this brings up imfamous line in my mind: "bros before hoes."
    That is a double edge sword there buddy, "bros b4 hoes". If he is happy what kind of bro are u to not want him to succed. If she has a proble with u that is her biz, and if he is as good a friend as u say then he will set it right, u just need to wait. Everything changes, and if it didn't then what fun would it be
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    Re: do girlfriends/boyfriends ruin friendships?

    Not to be annoyingly philosophical, but most of us fear change. If you're both guys then no matter how close you can't provide some of the things the his girlfriend provides (emotional/physical).

    The only thing you CAN do if youre truly a friend is to incorporate the girl into the group of friends. Yes, the girl will never get as close to your group as your friend will, but allow her to feel comfortable enough to not sway him any farther away from you guys. On top having one more friend is just better. Im pretty sure your friend is thinking about that too, whether he is "betraying" you guys or not.

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