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Thread: Do You Hate Yourself?

  1. #73
    Newbie soulidiumgirl is off to a good start soulidiumgirl's Avatar
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    Re: Do You Hate Yourself?

    Do I hate myself? Now there is a question to ponder and wonder about. A part of me says yes, but another part of me says no.

    The part of me that says yes is because of the things I did in my past that I’m not too proud of. When I was younger I…I basically was mean. I hated life and everything around me. I took my friends for granted when I really shouldn’t have. I yelled and screamed at my brother and sister, and even hit them. I was a terrible person. I wince now when I look back at those times. I was dating someone by the name of Keith. He lived right down the road from me. I was immensely happy when I was near him. Before we dated he was with one of my friends. I felt so…jealous and angry that she was the one with him. I felt like I would never be good enough for anyone. I became friends with his sister so that I could get closer to him. Now that I think of it, I think I used her in a way. I know that’s terrible, but it’s the truth. When I became friends with her, Keith and me got to know each other. He started coming up to my house with his sister and after some time, he started flirting with me. I never went for him because of my friend. I would never do that to her, but sadly I had thought about it several times.

    One night, he called me with his girlfriend on the other line. They were fighting. He wanted me to tell her how he felt about her because she wasn't listening to him. So I started spilling out everything I felt about him but I made it sound like it was everything he felt for her. So, they made up that night. I cried myself to sleep. I feel terrible because I prolonged their relationship and it only proceeded to end up in disaster. Near Thanksgiving, they were fighting again. This time they split up for good. His sister asked me one day if I liked her brother, and I told her the truth. She told him…and so I ignored him. Eventually we got together but it took some time. About a month later…he found out he was moving. We continued dating but it was hard. He turned…mean. He started to get aggressive. He was threatening to hurt his brother and sister and tear down the house if he couldn’t see me. He was placed into a mental hospital and diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder. When he started threatening to kill himself more often and then possibly me too I really started to freak out. I ended it. He turned two times worse after I did so.

    I still blame myself and even hate myself for it. I think that if I would have just…ended it and tried not to stay with him, he would have been better. I told you the majority of the story so you would understand. Not necessarily my whole side but also his and his sisters as well. I also broke someone’s heart years back when I was dating Keith…that time was just chaos for me.

    Now…for the part that says no. Through my life I’ve tried to help as many people as possible. I’m always there to give advise to my friends and I try to talk to them when they need someone. I’ve managed to talk friends out of suicide and I’ve got several to quit smoking. I’ve managed to become a good roll model for my little brother and sister though to be honest I have no idea how I managed to become one. My grades have went up and I’m finally shooting for my dreams. I’m working harder then ever. I’ve managed to pull the highest grade in my Interactive Media class…which is…bloody amazing. The people in that class…they are so smart and unique. I’ve straightened up my act but I’m always thinking about my past.

    I can’t really say if I hate myself or not, because I’m only human and I’m not perfect. I know I have plenty of flaws. They are pointed out practically on a daily basis. So…there is a step into what I think about myself. I just hope I didn’t bore you all to tears.

  2. #74
    of the AMC Innerhell may be famous one day Innerhell may be famous one day Innerhell's Avatar
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    Re: Do You Hate Yourself?

    Some of my temporary outlooks on life is near-perfect misanthropy. The problem with most misanthropists is that they have a tendency of showing a sort of narcissistic feeling towards themselves. They'll hate the world, but have no hate for themselves. The sort of "everyone is stupid except for me" kind of deal. I like to separate myself from such hypocrisy. If I were to delve into misanthropy, I shall hate myself just as much as I hate everyone else. I consider the majority of humanity as stupid therefore I shall consider myself stupid and inferior as well.

    It's all for the sake of fairness.
    I love my girlfriend.

  3. #75
    Devoted Otaku Quick Words Champion, Mah Jongg Solitaire Champion, Mah Jongg Garden Champion, Haunted House Champion Cheza may be famous one day Cheza may be famous one day Cheza's Avatar
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    Re: Do You Hate Yourself?

    Instead of hating yourself and just being around that whole negative perspective, why not try to think about the positive things in life? (That's what I do. ^_^ ) Remember that without risk, there is no progress. If you never try anything new, you will never know anything different about yourself. Learn to be a risk-taker with some aspects of your life. And remember never to give up! Sometimes we goof up, make mistakes, become embarrassed, or confused in front of other people. And then . . . so what? Most people feel the same way. It’s a rare person who never suffers from a blooper or a social mishap. The best thing to do is to persevere when we start something. Maybe we won’t like it once we are finished, but we’ll still feel better about ourselves for having finished it. Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. You need to become your best friend and biggest fan. Everyone needs a cheerleader, and if you don’t happen to have one, then do it yourself! Talk yourself up.

    ^_^ So this is my advice to everyone who currently hates themselves. . . I know it probably sounds crazy but believe it works. So try it and stop dwelling so much in your own self pity. It's crazy to give up just because you don't have any friends, ur gf, bf dumped you, ppl bully you, or it seems like the world is out to get you. The fun side of life is that you can get over this, and anyways looking at things rationally, there is

    6,666,786,586 ppl in the world. . .chances are someone's bound to like you.
    If they really had a desire to live, they would've been more aware of how easy it is to die.

  4. #76
    Grouchy Old Anime Otaku LenMiyata has become well known LenMiyata has become well known LenMiyata has become well known LenMiyata's Avatar
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    Re: Do You Hate Yourself?

    Grumble Grumble Grumble

    To quote the Forum Rules...
    Inactive threads, which have not been posted in for 1 month or more, should not be revived. They are considered dead.
    Please read the Forum Rules located here... Anime Online - FAQ: GENERAL RULES:

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    Rantings of a Grouchy Old Anime Otaku

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