NevesElocin

Lol. I'm not demanding an apology but I do wanna know how you apologize. I read this article yesterday and got curious.

Quote:

If you have to demand it, is it really worth receiving? Forced apologies are kind of like nice plastic. Shiny, maybe even useful, but ultimately, just trash. For a long time, I wanted an official kind of apology from my husband for some jerk-like tendencies he was trying out on me. It was pretty typical Mars/Venus stuff. I wanted a demonstration of groveling to make things all right and copacetic. Which, of course, made me the total jerk. A friend said to me, “Is it really necessary that he says he’s sorry?” Hmmm … I had to think about that one. If my priority was groovy-hot-happy-love, then, well, I suppose lording the “you must apologize” flag over his head wasn’t going to get me what I really wanted. We were making strides, even without the fanfare of a big I’m sorry. I let it go. It was a big shifter for us. How to Apologize 1. Say it with your body. Arms uncrossed, looking someone in the eyes, leaning toward them. You are not there to protect yourself or get something in return. This is not about you. You are there to give—to give comfort, assurance, and some salve for the wound you may have inflicted. An apology is an offering. 2. Take full responsibility. Explain yourself very briefly, without being defensive or without taking up too much space: “I was under a lot of pressure and it screwed up my better judgment. Still, it’s no excuse.” 3. Express your remorse. It’s simple, “I feel awful.” “I didn’t sleep last night.” 4. Empathize. “I can only assume that you were hurt or confused. It must suck.” 5. Invite their response. This is where many apologies can go south, when the hurt person says, “Yah, you totally screwed up, you’re a goof, and your mother dresses you funny.” Naturally, you may want to sling it back or retract even your best laid mea culpa. But just take a deep breath. You may have to endure a few pot shots and some venting—that is part of reconciliation. 6. Commit to preventing it in the future. “From now on, I’ll include you in my decision making; I don’t want to have this happen again.” 7. Expect nothing in return. Apologizing and asking for forgiveness are two separate things. Apologizing is like leaving a gift on the doorstep and hoping it’s appreciated. Expecting to be forgiven is like asking someone to say thank you for the gift. True apologies are freely given with no expectations of a return.

Do you agree or disagree with the above article. The last sentence is what strikes me most. You shouldn't have to demand it and expect something in return. Then its not really true. So what do you guys think?

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Dark.

I think it leaves out an important aspect of saying sorry. Meaning your apology. I mean I read the points it makes and thought to myself, yeah, I could do all those steps and still be acting. I don't think apologies mean anything if you don't mean them. Though I'm sure that list implies sincerity, I think it's an important element to point out.

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Genma758

hmm well i belive that it tells every aspect of an apology but there is no real way to give an apology but the way you would give your own there really isnt any rules to apologies. you could cry while you say sry that might get there attention or just piss them off more than they already are but yah it all seems logical in my eyes right now at least....im getting the message tho lily

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NeoDeath90

Crying helps. Trust me. I f**ked up really badly with my girlfriend once. It ate me alive inside, and when I ended up apologizing, I couldn't help but let the tears flow.

Apologizing is like an art form. No one really appreciates it until all is said and done. Just be sincere, get your point across, and be willing to take a verbal beating.

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Abu Dhabi

work with kids, know that apologizing means a lot...

but they're seven, and most are disrespectful and spoiled, so they don't have the "artform" down yet...

this i've learned... you can't demand someone to apologize, you can't demand someone to forgive...

it's like a gift, the recipient can take it or leave it.
and you can't be angry if they don't take it cuz you're the one who f*cked up.

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ayu

Steps to Apologize huh?

I think it's not necessary to have those kinds of Steps or Ways to apologize. The right words will come out at the time you will apologize to that someone. And you can't tell someone that he/she should apologize to someone. He/she would do it willingly without someone forcing them to do it.

Yeah, agree with the last statement too. There was this time that someone did wrong to me. She apologized but then she said, "Aren't you gonna apologiez to me too?" I asked her why I should since it wasn't me who did the wrong thing. She got angry when I didn't apologize and I told her that she shouldn't have gotten angry because if she was really sorry she wouldn't expect something in return.

Kozoi

I'm too arrogant to appologize unless I know that I've done something wrong. All these tips are too much for me to take in anyway.

I'll appologize if need be, but people shouldn't expect more than a simple 'sorry' with eye contact and crossed arms. How do you guys appologize?

desxms

If I know I'm going to do something wrong I know I did something wrong and feel guilt. But I know I could more than make up for it through favors. Everybody does something out of anger but apoligizing should come with some sense of justice. If I did something to tick one off then favors are at hand.

If I broke a vase, saying sorry wouldn't be enough. The vase is still broken. I'd have to put it back together, or pay for it or better yet know I owe the owner a favor. Anything to make up for what I've done.

To say sorry you must truly feel guilty, and more than just apologize but make amends until you don't feel guilty anymore til all is just for both parties. Follow your conscience.

Saying you're sorry just means you feel guilty and know you are wrong, but sometimes it is better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Breaking rules is sometimes necessary and compensation is at hand. Feel the fear. Feel the guilt. Do what you think you must and find some way of making everyone happier in the long run. ie. paying off debts, gifts, special favors til there isn't any bad blood any more.

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