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Thread: Mind Your Manners!

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    ~Counting Down the Days~ NevesElocin may be famous one day NevesElocin may be famous one day NevesElocin's Avatar
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    Mind Your Manners!

    Ok. I'm still in school and I truly believe that my generation has lost its manners as a whole. I know our parents taught us better and its ridiculous that some of us are so rude. I was reading this and maybe this will wake SOMEBODY up.

    Over the past few years, there have been countless discussions on minding our manners within our new modes of communication. Is it rude to text someone and ask him on a date? When is it appropriate to forward an email? Do we befriend someone on a social networking site we’ve only met once?

    But while we’ve been debating the dos and don’ts of technology etiquette, it appears that many of us have forgotten some of the old school manners that our parents, grandparents, and teachers taught us—manners that have nothing to do with a keyboard or a monitor, but have everything to do with the long-forgotten Golden Rule. Maybe technology has eroded our brains so much that we can never go back to those golden days, but there are a few simple courtesies that I’d like to see make a comeback.

    Hold doors for people.
    This doesn’t just mean men holding doors for women—anyone who has the arm strength to hold a door for someone should. Holding a door shows that we’re paying attention to what’s going on around us and that we care about others even if they’re a complete stranger. That little bit of awareness also helps take our minds off the busy, crappy day we might be having. Plus, it’s a nice and unexpected way to pay it forward, kind of like smiling at a stranger. Hold the door for someone and someone else will hold it for you later.

    Give up seats.
    Lizzie Post, great-great granddaughter of Emily Post and author of How Do You Work This Life Thing?, says this is one practice she’d like to see happen more often. “Giving up your seat to someone is so easy. Even when people don’t accept your offer, I think it’s nice to get up and stay standing so they know you’re sincere. The more that we become the good example, the more it will catch on.”

    Most of us were taught that it’s good manners to give up our seat to the elderly, pregnant, and physically challenged. But if we pay attention on trains, buses, in waiting areas, and other places where people stand, we might notice someone else outside those categories who could also use a seat—like someone carrying a bulky box or a heavy load of groceries. Common sense should prevail; if you see a situation where you think you’d prefer to sit, it’s a good idea to offer your seat.

    Let those inside the elevator exit before you enter.
    You know the scene. The elevator doors open and a crowd of people waiting to get on rushes toward you, making it difficult to get out. Post says the onus of politeness falls on those waiting for an elevator, meaning they should clear the exit path for anyone getting off and not enter the elevator until it’s clear. She also recommends that waiting until all people exit is a good rule to follow before entering anything—restaurants, shops, dressing rooms, etc.

    Mind your telephone manners.
    Our chief etiquette concern back in the “olden” days of telephones was remembering to write down a message when someone called. Now that we can take our phones anywhere and use them to do scores of things beyond just making telephone calls, our problems have spiraled out of control. Obnoxious ringtones, picking up calls in public places, sending a text message when a call would be more appropriate, and subjecting innocent bystanders to inappropriate conversations are just a few common telephone missteps.

    But Post says that many of our phone snafus could be corrected if we’d follow one simple rule. “Excusing yourself to take a phone call in a private place is something I’d like to see more of. We’re so used to people being on the phone now that this isn’t a common practice anymore.” But what if we we’re in a place where we can’t step out to take a call? Post recommends to keep it brief and to keep the conversation appropriate. “Making plans is okay,” she says. “[But] if you’re gossiping, talking badly about someone, or saying something inappropriate, those should be closed-door conversations.”

    Introduce people.
    In Bridget Jones’s Diary, Bridget’s friend Shazza nails it when she advises Bridget to “introduce people with thoughtful detail.” Walking up to a group of people and never getting introduced is awkward and rude. This is often a sign that the person who should do the introductions has forgotten a name, which makes a great case for simply asking the person in question to tell you their name again. It also proves that introducing someone with some details and flair makes a difference; the person on the receiving end of the introduction will have more information to use when committing a name to memory.

    Say please, thank you, and you’re welcome.
    It sounds simple, but the magic words really do work magic. Using them shows our appreciation for what someone is about to do or has done for us. Says Post, “Pretty much everyone says thank you, which is fantastic. But I would love to hear more people use ‘please’ and ‘you’re welcome.’ If I say ‘thank you’ back to you and not ‘you’re welcome,’ that’s overriding your ‘thank you.’” Our moms weren’t just being cute when they told us we would catch more flies with honey. “Please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome” are some of the sweetest—and most useful—words in our language.

    Respect elders.
    Recently someone I know well surprised me by saying that he thought respecting our elders was a silly courtesy since not everyone deserves to be respected just because of his or her age. Touché. But how about simply showing them civility and common courtesy? An elder is, by definition, someone who has lived longer than we have, so they’ve accumulated more experiences and thus, more wisdom. We don’t have to agree with their wisdom, but acknowledging that there might be some helpful information that comes from their experience is nice. It’s also considerate to express gratitude to a related elder who helped pave the way and/or care for you or a family member who came before you, such as a mother or uncle.

    Hand-write thank-you notes.
    Paper correspondence in general seems to be a dying practice and unfortunately, handwritten thank-you notes are part of the casualties. I know I’m often guilty of sending a thank-you email when I’m pressed for time, which seems to have made its way on the list of accepted practices. But it’s that taking of time that really shows our appreciation. Anyone can send an email, but finding a nice piece of stationery or note card, handwriting our thanks, finding a stamp (who has those anymore?), and then getting to a mailbox to actually send it goes above and beyond in expressing our gratitude.

    Sophisticated technology doesn’t mean that good manners have to be a thing of the past. In fact, Post says she defines good manners using three simple, everyday principles: consideration, respect, and honesty. “Apply those to any situation and toward all the people involved—including yourself—and [the solution] will make sense.”
    Agree or disagree? Any addtions. Ladies and gentlemen. See if you can bring up the social standard a wee bit.

    Our love will go on until the end of time. I will always be yours and you will be mine.

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  3. #2
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    Re: Mind Your Manners!

    Kids and peoples these days definitely have lost their manners.
    I blame it on the number of growing freedoms we get.
    Nowadays a person could practically sue someone for looking at them the wrong way.
    ...a tad exaggerated, I know, but it’s not like someone hasn’t tried it yet.

    After blaming that, I blame television.
    I don’t blame it in the manner that soccer moms and old men do, I blame it in all common sense.
    I mean, back in the day we defended television and blamed it on bad parenting – and though that’s still true to this day (parents are still at fault), there has also been a huge change in television for kids these days - …watch any non-cartoon show on the Disney channel and tell me the characters are a good role model for children.

    Anyways – here’s one problem with one of the things you put down:
    Hand-write thank-you notes.
    Paper correspondence in general seems to be a dying practice and unfortunately, handwritten thank-you notes are part of the casualties. I know I’m often guilty of sending a thank-you email when I’m pressed for time, which seems to have made its way on the list of accepted practices. But it’s that taking of time that really shows our appreciation. Anyone can send an email, but finding a nice piece of stationery or note card, handwriting our thanks, finding a stamp (who has those anymore?), and then getting to a mailbox to actually send it goes above and beyond in expressing our gratitude.
    You see, as understandable as that is, and as much as I love and prefer hand-written letters over emails: An email is better than nothing at all. … I used to go to a psychologist (long story… o_o), and her and I had a long debate on hand-written vs. emailing.
    I’m old-class, always preferring a hand-written letter. I was saying that it added a lot more emotion and personal feeling into what you’re trying to give as a message.
    However, though she agreed, she stated that in today’s age it’s nearly impossible to send a letter on time, let alone receive it. It may seem rude that people just don’t have time for a letter nowadays, but that’s just the culture in many parts of the world now. There’s nothing wrong with sending an email, at least they considered sending one. And in the same fashion, if you want to make sure they get your message on time while the thought’s fresh in their memory, an email can get it done pretty quick.
    Today’s age prefers constant communication. Any pause or fallout of communication can easily offend or alienate a person from you – afterall, if they know you can send a text message a few seconds after an incident, they find it offensive you aren’t telling them “thank you” or “good-bye” right away.

    It’s just how we are now – always preferring things done NOW rather than later.
    A letter is still pleasant and great and wonderful, but there’s nothing wrong with an email at all – there’s only something wrong if that email wasn’t sincere.

    And I have to say, I agreed with her.
    Sure it’s sad, but that’s just how it is now. And if we find it offensive, we have to have an amazing fact that can prove the idiocy of it all – but if we can’t, we simply haven’t adapted to the times yet.

    Nowadays, an emailed thank-you is just as sweet as a hand-written one.

    It’s like this: An original poem is extremely sweet, but a poem from someone else (as if quoted) is still as sweet if it still conveys the same message. – though an original one can still be much sweeter.

    I wouldn’t say that emailing thank-you letters is bad-manners. I would just say it’s disappointing.



    …. I’d totally love to add to that list, though. But I already typed a lot. Don’t want to scare posters away.

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    Re: Mind Your Manners!

    i usually give up my seat on the bus, but it depends on if the person in question really needs it and what seats are available...

    but yeah, manners are a little lost on the coming generations...
    i dunno what parents are doing... i mean, if a little thing lives with you and you feed it and love it, shouldn't that mean that they know how to be nice since you're nice to them?

    (>_< ) i dunno... i dunno anymore
    <--works with kids, is rather dissappointed with all the rudeness

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    Re: Mind Your Manners!

    I agree completely. There is a lot of stuff on TV that shows scenes where either: 1. A child is mouthing off to an adult (and probably getting rewarded for it) or 2. An adult is an @$$ or just stupid and a child corrects them (showing that adults are stupid). There are more examples than just that, but those are the easiest to portray. I am all for respecting your elders and stuff. Of course, respect doesn't mean unfailing loyalty.

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    Re: Mind Your Manners!

    Damn Neves you really want to see manners dont you? Not like the Children huh? lol Yah you are right tho about everything manners are vert important but what if everyon in the world started to do this? Not just young people and the adults but what about the elderly? We would become to nice of a nation. LOL you are rigth tho i do all those things all the time. I allways say please and thankyou I apologize for things that i did wrong i let people in the elevator before me i Give up my seat for somone else but the problem is if i could just do that it would make a difference i live around people that do that all the time so now i make it a habit to get in front of people and hold the door for them I offer them my seats before they do. Its kinda hard when everyone does it themself it is a good thing but do you think that makes me a bad person because i cant do it or do you think im just making excuses to not use my manners? I mean i do have manners and i use them excessively yes but I dont do it often enough when another does it before me. LOL my world is one of a kind.
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    Re: Mind Your Manners!

    I give an applause to this thread. Children and I think adults have lost their manners... I work as a waitress... and from all the people I work with I get a thank you and a good treatment from the older customers (and when I say older I mean 65+) the other people kind of expect to be served like if they were royalty. Even though a thank you would be really appreciate it... they don't say it and adding to that... the tip they leave is not even the best or they don't leave a tip... (even thought the service was good... they had nothing missing) Even though money isn't a huge issue for me appreciation of my work it is; and I hate to say this but the worst treatment I get is from the 25 and younger population... I think what has been going on is a lack of discipline and good teaching in home... the TV should be more off and parents should spend more quality time with their children teaching them good manners and respect
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    Re: Mind Your Manners!

    I get called "LOL WHITE KNIGHT" for holding open doors, helping people pick up messes, ect. It's horrible tho look at the majority of our generation and think what went wrong..
    OHHHHH! and you forgot bad table manners! like slurping food! uggghhh
    This guy came over to our apartment, ate all our food, then went and bought himself more food, complained that we didnt have more food, and somehow slurped ravioli....*Facepalm*
    God help our Generation...

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    Re: Mind Your Manners!

    Yes I agree with you people need to watch what they do you know.
    Never give up just keep going.............

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