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Thread: rules for dating my daughter (has this ever happened to you?)

  1. #1
    Banned ABC Crazy Champion flaminghate may be famous one day flaminghate may be famous one day
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    rules for dating my daughter (has this ever happened to you?)

    *ok have any of these happned to you and put down which ones*

    (this was sent to me by email)

    Rule One'
    If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package,
    because you're sure not picking anything up.

    Rule Two'
    You do not touch my daughter in front of me.
    You may glance at her,
    so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.
    If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughters body,
    I will remove them.

    Rule Three'
    I am aware that is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. (I wear tight pants so it's different for me)
    Please don't take this as an insult,
    but you and all your friends are complete idiots.
    Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue,
    so I propose a compromise.
    You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big,
    and I will not object. However,
    to ensure that your clothes do not,
    in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter,
    I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

    Rule Four'
    I'm sure you've been told that in today's world,
    sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you.
    Let me elaborate,
    when it comes to sex,
    I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

    Rule Five'
    It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other,
    we should talk about sports,politics,and other issues of the day.
    Please do not do this.
    The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house,
    and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early".

    Rule Six'
    I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, (the popular fellow is not true fro me)
    with many opportunities to date other girls.
    This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.
    Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl,
    you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
    If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

    Rule Seven'
    As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
    and more than hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.
    If you want to be on time for the movie,
    you should not be dating.
    My daughter is putting on her makeup,
    a process that can take just slightly longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
    Instead of just standing there,
    why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

    Rule Eight'
    The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
    Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
    Places where there are no parents, policemen, ar nuns within eyesight.
    Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
    Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff t-shirts, or anything other than overalls,
    a sweater and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.
    Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided;
    movies which feature chain saws are okay.
    Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

    Rule Nine'
    Do Not Lie To Me.
    I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been.
    But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe.
    If I ask you where you are going and with whom,
    you have one chance to tell me the truth,
    the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
    I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.
    Do not trifle with me.

    Rule Ten'
    Be afraid. Be very afraid.
    It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi.
    When my Agent Orange starts acting up,
    the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.
    As soon as you pull into the driveway,
    you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight.
    Speak the perimeter password,
    announce in a clear vioce that you have brought my daughter home safely and early,
    then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside.
    The camoflaged face at the window is mine

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    Otaku nightboyz may be famous one day nightboyz may be famous one day nightboyz's Avatar
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    Re: rules for dating my daughter (has this ever happened to you?)

    Man by e-mail that sucks. I got a kid sister and I thought I was an ass to her dates I fell for you man.
    Kamen Rider....DECADE!!!

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    Banned ABC Crazy Champion flaminghate may be famous one day flaminghate may be famous one day
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    Re: rules for dating my daughter (has this ever happened to you?)

    hey nightboyz,
    the sad thing about this was
    that was my date's father that send it to me...
    it was about an hour before our date.

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    Newbie EverQuestJunky may be famous one day EverQuestJunky may be famous one day
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    Re: rules for dating my daughter (has this ever happened to you?)

    Please tell me this was meant to be humorous....

    I mean seriously at that rate, he will be retired with a 50+ year old single daughter living at home with him....

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    Re: rules for dating my daughter (has this ever happened to you?)

    Quote Originally Posted by flaminghate View Post
    hey nightboyz,
    the sad thing about this was
    that was my date's father that send it to me...
    it was about an hour before our date.
    Wow.That sucks.And by e-mail.Harsh.He is gonna get all his doughters dates cancled.

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    Re: rules for dating my daughter (has this ever happened to you?)

    My dad is like that!!
    rule 8 mostly
    he makes me wear a sweater and forbids skirts on a date!!

    bii!!
    "act the way you want to be and soon you'll be the way you act"

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    Re: rules for dating my daughter (has this ever happened to you?)

    I got a date tonight
    I just hope her father
    isn't like the one before the sent the email.

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    Re: rules for dating my daughter (has this ever happened to you?)

    lol is her father the reason you broke up with the girl, cause if my dad did that...
    grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!

    bii!!
    "act the way you want to be and soon you'll be the way you act"

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